WHITE VAN MAN – HE CALLED MY WIFE A SLAG! A piece of ‘silly’ verse



There’s a white van on my bumper,

Yet I’m driving at 80,

Mph not kilometres,

Yet he’s doing 93.


Mobile glued to his ear,

He’s rolling up a fag,

When he eventually overtakes,

He calls my wife a ‘slag.’


I thought, ‘I won’t stand for that,’

I’ve got to get him back,

Covertly I followed him home,

Armed with my handy baseball bat.


I’ll get to teach you white van man,

I will show you what for,

Determined to make my point,

I knocked upon his door.


“How dare you call my wife a ‘slag,’

What’s that all about?

I’m inviting you outside now,

Where we can sort this out.”


Yet he told me to, “Piss off now,

Unless you want a thump,

I’ll clobber you good and proper,

You’ve given me the hump.”


Not too pleased with his riposte,

I lamped him there and then,

And said, “That’ll teach you my son,

Not to mess with proper men.”


Then I took my handy bat,

And smashed in his windscreen,

His hub caps and his dashboard,

It was quite a scene.


Forlorn, white van man lay there,

Prone and on the floor,

Yet he took a parting shot,

When he said, “Your wife’s a ‘whore.’”


“Is there no stopping you?

Do you have no regrets?”

He then added, “I should have mentioned,

I suffer from Tourettes!”


My apologies to any person reading this and suffering from Tourettes.




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