Well there’s a thing! Who should ring my doorbell last evening? None other than world famous artist, Margate’s own Tracey Emin no less!
“Sorry to disturb you but I’m absolutely gagging for a cup of tea and a fag and I was hoping you might oblige.”
What with her public persona I recognised her immediately, “Trace my luv I’m only too happy to help you out girl. Do you take sugar?”
“Two lumps please.”
As Trace and I repaired to the lounge and thereafter discussed all manner of things from global warming to ferrets she suddenly, quite out of the blue as it happens, said, “Do you know what, as you’ve been so kind I’d like to sculpt for you a piece of art that might just be worth millions – you know as a kind of thank you for your charity.”
“Cheers Trace that’s very kind.”
“Can you ask your wife if I can have her bra – I need it for the piece I have in mind.”
My wife Shirley was down in the scullery ironing my assortment of tartan socks at the time so I bellowed down, “Shirl, I’ve got Tracey Emin here having a cup of tea and a fag and she wants your bra if that’s all right.”
“OK give us a mo to get unhooked and I’ll chuck it up the stairs.”
With that Trace set to work and what a blinder; what a marvellous work she created. Saatchi eat your fucking heart out mate this one is mine I thought. “What’s it called then Trace?”
Trace has a good think then says, “OLD WOMAN; YOUNG WOMAN.”
With that she departed announcing, “Must go, Thanet beckons.”
What a night – just think when this goes up for auction I’ll be a multi-millionaire. What a diamond girl that Trace is!