VLAD THE IMPALER’S MENTAL ‘BLOCK’ – A ‘silly’ tale indeed!

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Vlad: “Well it was all going swimmingly well until I got bored with the old impaling routine. You know you’ve seen one impaling you’ve seen ‘em all really. Thought it would add a little spice to the occasion if I thought of a new modus operandi – so to speak.”

Mrs Vlad: “And?”

Vlad: “Me minds a blank luv; total blank. I mean when I came up with the ‘spike up the jacksy’ idea all those years back everyone thought it spot on.  I had them quaking in their boots at the very mention of me name. I was their very own harbinger of doom I can tell you.”

Mrs Vlad: “Have you thought about The Rack. I hear it’s all the rage in London these days.”

Vlad: “Hardly original though is it? Never really cut the mustard in my opinion anyway. Bit of stretching here, bit there, a couple of screams and a confession – that’s on the tame side in my book.”

Mrs Vlad: “Look Vlad I’m not an expert in these things. I don’t know, you’ve got the Cat’s Paw, the Knee Splitter, the Judas Chair, the Spanish Donkey…….any of those fit the bill?”

Vlad: “Hardly luv, although I’ve always had a soft spot – so to speak – for the Spanish Donkey, but again it’s already out there. I’m looking for something unique – something I can put me name on.”

Mrs Vlad: “Tell you what then while you’re having a jolly good think I’ll knock us paella. All that talking about Spain has got me saliva glands flowing a treat.”

Vlad: “You’re a real diamond luv.”

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