CARRY ON CONFUCIUS – A tale of ridiculous proportions!



Random Woman: “You’re that Confucius bloke aren’t you?”

Confucius: “Might be luv, what’s it to you?”

Random Woman: “I’m your biggest fan that’s what. I hang on your every saying. That one that goes, ‘Confucius says, ‘ Before you embark on a journey of revenge, dig two graves,’ has always done it for me and I lived my entire life adhering to the spirit of your masterful gem, ‘What you do not want done to yourself, do not do to others.’ So can you give me one today?”

Confucius: “Don’t know about that luv; I mean if you really want to I suppose I might feel inclined to slip you one.”

Random Woman: “Oh you are a very ribald man aren’t you? No I didn’t mean any of that malarkey. I meant a saying. A proper ‘Confucius says’ one. Anyway maybe you could knock one out on a bit a rice paper and sign it for me?”

Confucius: “Hold up luv that’s a bit near the knuckle. I don’t share me DNA around willy-nilly you know – and I would remind you we’re in a public place here.”

Random Woman: “You’re getting me all wrong. I simply want one of your ‘sayings’ that’s all. I’ll even give you a hand taking it down if you want.”

Confucius: “A ‘hand.’ Crickey you’re not backward at coming forward!” Well I suppose we could nip behind the bus shelter then.”

Random Woman: “How wonderful, ‘Not backward at coming forward.’ That’s just marvellous – I’ll treasure that small fragment of philosophical genius for an eternity. I can’t thank you enough.”

Confucius: “What? That’s it then?”

Random Woman: “Well yes I’ve got to update me Facebook page with this. Cheers for that. Oh, and before I forget can I have a quick one of us both on me mobile?”

Confucius: “Blige, that’ll be a first for me. I don’t think I’ve ever done it on the move before. Sure, I’m up for that.”

14 thoughts on “CARRY ON CONFUCIUS – A tale of ridiculous proportions!

    1. Perhaps I should have made a note on this one that it was based around the ‘Carry On’ series of films made in the UK a few decades ago. They were rather ‘rude’ yet at the peak of their success were entertaining in a smutty way!

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