CARRY ON CARRUTHERS – A ‘silly’ tale of espionage!



“I say Carruthers just had a tete-a-tete with the head of MI6. He’s very agitated you know – reckons we’ve got a mole in the Foreign Office no less!” 

“A mole you say? Well I can say for certain we once had a couple of cockroaches in the kitchens when that typically dirty Jonny Foreigner type was doing all the cooking for the plebs. The thing is that got sorted out when we gave him the sack and employed one of our own.  And I’m sure what with the offices being so close to the Thames there may be a few rats in the basement – but a mole, never. There’s no way there’d be an urban mole in the heart of London. The man’s talking nonsense.” 

“Well that’s what I thought. However he is most insistent we do something about it. In point of fact he’s worked himself up into quite a pickle.” 

“Tell you what why don’t you get that dear young secretary of yours Tiffany to have a look about the place. She’s such an enthusiastic girl. Once she’s done have her pop over to MI6 and palm him off.” 

“Pardon? I say old chap, he’s not Bill Clinton you know. Lord knows how that man does it. Remember when he visited last month and conveniently arrived without his secretary? He requested Tiffany pop round to his digs to take a few things down for him. Poor girl was working all night and told me all his gratitude extended to was a giant American gobstopper! Tight as arseholes that man – still I suppose she couldn’t have minded that much. She certainly arrived at the office the next day with a smile on her face. 

“You’re not getting my drift. I simply meant tell the bloody idiot we don’t have any moles here.” 

“Oh, I see now. Fine, take it as read.” 


“I say Carruthers just had the head of MI6 on the blower. He was uncommonly rude. He tells me a mole is a double agent – a spy of sorts in our midst. He even called me a thick twat!” 

“Well you live and learn.” 

“Even worse he thinks Tiffany is the ‘mole.’” 

“Crikey, on what basis does Mr Know All come to that conclusion?” 

“Well it seems after she left him high and dry he noticed some of his papers were missing. He simply put two and two together.” 

“Papers you say? Good God I do hope she hasn’t nicked his copy of The Times. One of his great pleasures in life is to do the crossword and Sudoku. I can see why he’s so worked up now. It’s more than you can expect of a man to be without his Times. I think you better go give Tiffany a bit of a ticking off. This is serious man.” 

“Will do this instant. Are we lunching at the club today?” 

“Too bloody true we are. After all this kerfuffle I need a stiff one I can tell you.”


11 thoughts on “CARRY ON CARRUTHERS – A ‘silly’ tale of espionage!

    1. My wife thought I might have crossed the line with ‘palm him off.’ The thing is, the old Carry On movies were much, much worse yet in there heyday made me laugh! Thanks for the comment.

  1. Ah, I didn’t have to keep my ‘secret’ of knowing Tiffany is a mole for very long. The thickening plot probably makes this the best in this series so far, in my humble opinion of course. Can’t wait to read the next one. Though I doubt you will ever reveal the true question underlying all of Carruthers’ adventures: How on Earth did Britain manage to rule so much of the world for so long?
    I guess we’ll never know…

    1. Cheers. I have to keep up a certain lunacy to make this double agent thing work. I have a couple of ideas spinning around which may take shape over coffee in town later! As to how we painted the maps red I believe that if you bluster through with no concern for morality in a quest for Empire where success is a presumed ‘given’ it’s not that difficult.

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