The undertakers the family used
Were named Stan Dup & Syd Down,
And I can report the funeral cost,
More than one Queen’s Crown.
Of the deceased all I can say,
Is that her name was Mary Hinge,
So called because said handle,
Rhymed with hairy minge.
And to further the embarrassment,
Her maiden name was Swallocks,
They also buried her mother,
Whose surname cadence spelt out bollocks.
Solicitors handled the Probate,
And this practice it was named,
N Thrall, N Tice & N Deavour,
And for Wills they were quite famed.
When registering Mary’s death,
With Registrar on duty,
Christened Edna Bucket,
Some people found her most snooty.
Her wake was a debacle,
As the vicar and his wife,
Roger & Dee Flower,
Sounded more akin to a vice.
And so the moment came to pass,
When Ms Hinge was laid to rest,
Regrettably the pallbearers,
Were well and truly blessed,
With very normal nom de plumes,
Or so they say in these parts,
They went Smith, Smith & Smith,
And were masters of their arts.