My public persona belies the fact,

That I am not at all what I seem,

For while in day I am the essence of bon viveur,

At night I lurk in the shadows and scheme.


And on nights such as this fine peasouper,

In London’s East End I listen out,

For the clicking of high heels on cobblestone,

And anticipate what that might bring about.


So I wait undercover in doorways,

Clad in top hat and fine cape,

My glistening blade at the ready,

For the arrival of the silhouette shape,


Of my quarry; my very next victim,

The girl I shall slice open and hack,

To death and to her I shall whisper,

That, “I am The Ripper named Jack.”


  • Crikey, the wife is looking at me in an odd way!  “No luv, it’s a merely a pitiful artistic attempt at capturing the essence of a criminal’s mind. And no, just because one of the kids gave me the gift of Joop Homme (bloody chucks up rotten by the way) for Christmas doesn’t make me Dexter!”




19 thoughts on “I AM THE RIPPER NAMED ‘JACK’

      1. Boy do I know that – my first wife, many years ago, burnt the marital bed while I was at work. Bit of a shock when I arrived home I can tell you! I think I wrote that story for the blog a while back as the passage of time made the episode funny in a surreal way. Today I will post a piece – probably the only decent thing I’ve ever written – that I posted when I started blogging last November I think. It was largely overlooked at the time because I hadn’t got my head around ‘following’ and ‘followers’ idiot that I am! Sorry if this reply is too long – caffeine hit and all that!

      2. Ok, first time attempt at replying on my phone, so bear with me and forgive any possible predictive text bloopers.

        I guess you should be thankful she waited for you to be at work.

        So dare I ask what prompted her to torch the marital bed, or wad it simply a bad case of losing her temper while trying get a fitted sheet on the bed alone? If yes, I can totally understand her actions 😀

      3. Well the true story is somewhat shameful! I believe years ago on a cross-channel ferry ‘boys’ day out I knew the bloke who first coined the phrase, ‘It’s all gone horribly wrong.’ He had just been seasick by the way and has long since claimed this saying as his own. Well, as the attached link reveals, it all went horribly wrong for me;
        I feel those that have read this – probably a little too long piece – will think the worse of me. Hope not though.

    1. Sarah Palin – she’s been off your radar for a little while. Hope she makes a return soon. Wonder what her take on the Ukraine would be? First hurdle, ‘where is it?’ maybe.

      1. Good one…well, there happens to be a small Palin reference in my post today…and I was asked to do a eulogy on her. So don’t worry, I haven’t forgotten about her, as much as I would like to.

      2. Look forward to reading it – might be a bit late doing so as I am buying a hideously expensive router today to replace the existing one that keeps cutting out. I need the return of my son to set it up though – if I attempt it it will get thrown at the wall.

      3. You’ll be happy to know there is no law requiring people to read my material at any given time (not yet at least;))
        Please be careful with your router, for in this day in age one might as well be dead without one.

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