SIR ISAAC NEWTON’S HOUSEBRICK – AN ACCOUNT OF EVENTS NOT TAUGHT AT SCHOOL!

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Newton: “I say Svetlana would you mind being ever so kind and passing me a housebrick from my collection aside the bookcase.”

Svetlana (the maid): “Certainly Sir. May I ask which type of said housebrick you favour? For here I note not just the Regency, but also the Brecken Grey, the Brindle, indeed the Ironstone also, plus there’s a couple of jolly fine Breeze Blocks should they take your fancy?”

Newton: “Silly you Svetlana the Breeze Block strictly speaking is not a housebrick as such.  I keep just a couple to neuter cats with as and when. Anyway I think it’s the Ironstone I’m after – nice and sturdy, just what I think I’ll need.  For today Svetlana I shall be adopting the persona of a ruffian in order to put my theory of The Universal Law of Gravitation to the test and it would, I feel, be unseemly should any passers-by detect that I am one of the scientific gentry.”

Svetlana: “How so Sir – if you do not think it impertinent of me in asking?”

Newton: “Not at all girl, not at all. It is simply that should my experiment as regards to The Universal Law of Gravitation prove incorrect I do not wish to become the laughing stock of London – hence the disguise.”

Svetlana: “How exciting Sir. Again if you think me not too forward may I ask exactly how the Ironstone housebrick fits into your experimental plans?”

Newton: “I tell you what Svetlana it is a most lovely autumnal day why don’t you come with me and you can see for yourself.  Simply go change out of your maid’s uniform into your regular cleavage hugging garments and you will be the consummate common wench and, I determine, the perfect foil to me, the scruffy East End ruffian.”

Svetlana: “I do not think it possible for me to leave the mansion this day for there is the leakage to deal with you may recall.”

Newton: “Well try not to laugh, or perhaps just cross your legs if something humorous should smite you thus.”

Svetlana: “Oh Sir, not that sort of leakage. Remember the plumber will be here this afternoon to replace a washer to the hot tap in the bathroom.”

Newton: “Not a problem girl. We should, providing we do not dilly dally, be back for luncheon regardless. Now we best both get changed for the experiment beckons.”

A LITTLE LATER IN THE MILE END ROAD IN EAST LONDON

Svetlana: “Herewith your Ironstone housebrick Sir.”

Newton: “Thank you Svetlana – I do trust the carrying of the brick about your person caused you no discomfort for it had to be kept hidden as there are types in this district who would seek to steal such a fine example of a craftsman’s skills.”

Svetlana: “I must admit to a little chaffing about my person yet other than that nothing. Regardless I was only too pleased to be of assistance to you.”

Newton: “Right then, here we go. I intend to lob the Ironside high into the London skies and will thereafter keep a keen eye as to whether or not it drops back to terra firma thus proving my theory of The Universal Law of Gravitation as an accurate premise.”

NEWTON LOBS THE HOUSEBRICK SKYWARD

Svetlana: “Oh dear Sir the brick having reached its optimum velocity now sits comfortably upon the window sill of Molly Malone’s Whorehouse and Gin Emporium.”

Newton: “Bollocks. Yet at least none of my rivals to prove the theory will know anything of this tragic failure on my part.”

BACK HOME AT NEWTON MANSIONS

Svetlana: “Do not look so troubled Sir. Why not take this packed luncheon I have made you out into the orchard and thus combine taking sustenance whilst soaking in a few rays. I shall await the plumber indoors.”

Newton: “Good thinking girl. I am minded to grab my copy of The London Times also and sit under the shade of one of the apple trees.”

 

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10 thoughts on “SIR ISAAC NEWTON’S HOUSEBRICK – AN ACCOUNT OF EVENTS NOT TAUGHT AT SCHOOL!

  1. Great story!…or, well, it might actually be true to some extent. I’ve been told the whole Newton seeing an apple fall to the ground probably never happened, and, well, I find this a very nice alternative to the commonly believed ‘legend’!

  2. So not the shy retiring gentleman I supposed him to be. I enjoyed this and have nominated you for the Shauny Award for the simple reason that you put a smile on my face and Bob actually wakes up as I sit giggling like a twat.
    Further details about the award and image can be found on http://decidinglybob.wordpress.com/ maria’s stuff page / sub heading shauny award.

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