“I say Carruthers just as I thought my marriage was back on track the wife announced last evening that – her words mind – ‘I’m effing, effing, effing, effing, effing, effing, effing, effing, effing sick of you, you half-baked fuckwit and I’m off to see Sid Knee and Mel Bourne.’ SHE EVEN STAMPED VERY HARD, TORE AT HER HAIR, CRIED AND HUFFED!  HUFFED – can you believe it?  Anyway, with that she stormed off into the night!”

“Well I’m truly sorry to hear that my friend. I mean I thought the pair off you had got over your troubles on the marital front now that the matter of that chap Herb Aceous-Border was dead and buried. Sounds to me that there’s something seriously wrong with your Deidre.”

“Do you think she might be one of those nymphomaniac types?”

“I would have thought that after 15 years of marriage you would likely have determined that for yourself! Also I recall you once saying that she was a birthday and Yule tide sort of gal so that theory doesn’t stack up in my book. No I think it’s much worse than that. I’m no expert on women’s things but from what you say I do believe your wife has gone beyond just contracting the vapours and has reached the dreaded stage of ‘hysteria’ affliction. I know of a fine physician, Dr Perve of Paddington, well versed in the treatment of such a condition if you are interested?”

“Much appreciated yet the thing is I have no idea where to find her. Neither Sid Knee nor Mel Bourne are to be found in the telephone directory. As far as I know they could be living on the other side of the bleddy planet.”

“Bad luck old chap, terrible bad luck. I do feel for you.”

“Why, have you suddenly gone blind?”

“Pardon? Anyway she’s obviously embraced the concept of menage a trois. Remember when a lady has hysteria all decorum, social graces etc. goes out the window.”

“Menage a trois you say. I doubt that for she could never cook very well and regardless she’s never had the taste for that foreign muck.”

“Perhaps you are well rid of her.”

“I think so – fancy a stiff one at the club?”

“Sounds a splendid idea and I imagine that’s exactly what you need.”


For the previous sad tale of Deidre & Herb Aceous-Border see;



  1. This is great stuff…sorry for being ‘offline’ a lot these days…I’m hosting my parents for the next few weeks, so don’t have much time to spend on my (and other people’s) blogs…still, this one was a great way to start my day;)

    1. No problem – back home from a football match where my team lost and can only type standing up as my back problem has worsened to the extent in Shirley’s absence that I feel I might die. Please forgive if I only click ‘likes’ tonight as I believe ‘likes’ to proper ‘blogs’ like your own are, in essence, an insult!

      1. You poor poor old man!…I’m sorry your team (Chelsea if I remember correctly) lost…please do yourself a favor and take a bit of rest…and as usual, don’t feel obliged to type a comment. The fact you like to read my outings are more than I could wish for;)
        May the F.A.G.G.O.T. cure your back pain soon!

      2. Chelsea! My nemesis – it was Chelsea who beat my beloved Arsenal by a heavy margin. So while Shirley swans about the frozen north I wallow in despair barely able to move!

  2. Now I’m lost! I thought Carruthers was married to Diedre! At least she didn’t go to see Vic Toria or become afflicted with the Tas Mania. Another great post…but then, you already knew that!

    1. I’m hoping here that the wife in question was Carruthers never mentioned by name ‘chum’ – will have to check otherwise I have, as they say in London, ‘dropped a bollock’ no less!

      1. I just read two of them that made Deidre be the other fellow’s wife. But then again, I could be confused. I enjoyed them anyway. I figured you did it on purpose and Carruthers would end up taking up with his friend’s wife Deidre since Tiffany seemed to have dropped off. But not that I just read that he’s never seen her naked, I have to wonder about the ole’ boy.

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