“Watcha H nice to see you propping up the bar again – you’ve been a tad under the weather I’ve heard say?”

“Bloody right I have Landlord. First cause of my ailment was that some twat sneezed in me face in Lidl’s; next the germs past onto moi to incubate over a few days; then the manifestation of the commencement of a flu like virus by way of a sneeze and the final cause a head full of snot and a blinding fucking headache and temperature. I have truly had enough on the old causation front I can tell you!”

“Christ that was a stroke of misfortune H. Anyway the boys were actually hoping you had a bit of new philosophy to lay on them thus giving them a little food for thought twixt knocking back lager and the chucking of a few arrows. I suppose you don’t feel up to it right now?”

“On the contrary Landlord for I was overwhelmed with identifying the main factors in the process of potential realization whilst taking a swift Jimmy Riddle only a moment ago.”

“Oh yeah – spit it out then H.  Gather round chaps H has got a new one for us.”


“Right here we go, ‘The grape is mightier than the hop yet no match for the grain.’ How’s that then?”

“Blinder H, absolute blinder. Crikey I’ll be dining out on that little gem. Nice one. That’s right up there with last week’s one, remember, ‘The roots of lager are bitter, but the slurp is sweet.’ Don’t know how you do it I really don’t.”

“It’s a gift mate even though I say it myself. By the way has that twat Sid Harthur been in spouting off during the term of my recent absence? Can’t stand the bloke personally.”

“The thing is H he don’t speak too kindly of your good self and yes Sid was here the other dinner time giving the boys a brief précised version of his eightfold paths to enlightenment if you must know. I do however think that the guidelines for following a virtuous life was lost on them as it was ‘Topless Barmaid Wednesday’ and they were, to a man, pissed to the gunnels and as voyeuristic as common decency allows.”

“Good. Why don’t you just bar him for we really don’t want his sort in here do we?”

“Difficult one that H. You see I’ve spent a shed load on the green tea he knocks back and if I bar him I’m going to be stuck with it. Can’t see you favouring girlie green tea over the manly Germanic lagers you slip down.”

“Suppose I’ll have to put up with the tosser then. As I have often said myself, ‘No great lager has ever existed without a touch of green tea.’”

“How very true H; how very true – did you get that one boys?”

For what it may be worth I have launched a new character this very day, namely LENNY NOGGINS – LUNATIC ILLEGAL IMMIGRANT!  Lenny, should you wish to read on can be found at the soxzsatire collaboration I am writing with others at;


So, if you find The League of Mental Men ‘following’ you do not be overly concerned ‘tis just me; Sir Daniel Aloysius Soz 7th. Earl of Whitechapel & The Squire of Hayling Island aka Gary Ronaldo Hoadley.  

Whatever, Lenny is a good lad at heart and may one appear in the online ‘mag’ one fine day at;





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