‘FLOSS’ – MY ‘COUNTRY DANCING’ PARTNER AT JUNIOR SCHOOL!

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We did country dancing at my school,

When I was very little,

The thing was I hated it,

As to its purpose I was noncommittal

 

Yet because I was so useless,

And plainly didn’t give a toss,

They lumbered me with a big fat girl,

Who went by the name of Floss.

 

Like me poor Floss was blighted,

With an inability to dance,

In truth it was plain for all to see,

That as a couple we could barely prance.

 

Now Floss came from a poor home,

Even poorer than my own,

Her clothes were always second hand,

And of her knickers she would bemoan

 

For being cast offs from some other,

It was inevitably the case,

That with well-worn elastic,

They rarely stayed in place.

 

And thus it was one Christmas,

At the pantomime we performed,

When her elastic finally gave up the ghost,

And of knickers she was no longer adorned.

 

They lay about her ankles,

Upon the parquet floor,

Personally I thought that she would,

Make haste for the exit door.

 

Yet Floss was such a brave girl,

And to a round of great applause,

She simply stepped out of her knackered knickers,

And danced on without her drawers!

 

FOR MORE COMPELLING DRIVEL OF SIMILAR QUALITY A VISIT TO;

 http://sozsatire.wix.com/soz-satire

MAY BE WORTHWHILE FOR THERE YOU WILL DISCOVER THE MUSINGS OF SIR DANIEL ALOYSIUS SOZ 7TH. EARL OF WHITECHAPEL; THE MOST REVERAND GARY ‘RONALDO’ HOADLEY AND HUMBLE ME.

I am also writing lunacy for the Soz Satire collaboration blog;

http://leagueofmentalmen.wordpress.com/

where I can guarantee you abject disappointment.

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20 thoughts on “‘FLOSS’ – MY ‘COUNTRY DANCING’ PARTNER AT JUNIOR SCHOOL!

  1. Excellent drivel, sir. Excellent! Funny how fat girls can dance well, too. And omg at the gym this morning, the electronic scale was gone. A dozen women stood near the reception desk waiting for yoga to start. I had an insane urge to holler out “Hey, what happened to the scale? Did one of those fat girls step on it and break it?” I held my tongue but laughed, tried to hide that but some people saw me. Oh well, I’ll never be able to get away from my reputation which is kindly noted by others as “eccentric.” Little do they know …..

    1. Do you know I was watching a TV show recently and a woman of some 37 stone – poor girl – got on the scales for her weekly weigh-in. Discovering she’d lost 1lb that week she put her clenched fist in the air and shouted, ‘Yeah.’ Odd that.

      1. Oh Mike I had a girl patient weighed 295 pounds (I go 145) and she was solid! Not sloppy at all. Her husband was smaller than me.

      2. Omg. I can lose a pound in a day. I wonder if that lady has little circles all over her body where people have been touching her with ten foot poles?

  2. True story? I really hope this is a true story. Floss is an inspiration to many! Very funny poem, covered with a layer of hope (the word that best describes my sentiment I guess).

      1. Well, when it comes to dancing I’m an absolute klutz myself, but living in the Caribbean I have seen a lot of people really get caught up in music in a way I admire. Guess Europeans such as us didn’t grow up in a very expressive culture, so something as ‘wild’ as dancing is more or less suppressed from an early age onward. Yet where I live letting yourself go to a piece of music, even if it is a monotonous beat, comes naturally it seems.

      2. Still lost on me. Importantly though I was commenting on you fine, fine Kim post today but couldn’t find the button to post said comment! Need help in this regard. Also, I note that it doesn’t appear on Facebook thus I can’t share it – should I go back to the old copy and paste system in this regard. My apologies for such stupidity!

      3. No, you’re not stupid, I actually intended to let you know about this: Due to the large number of spam comments I was getting (exceeding 500 comments a day) I installed Disqus on my blog. It basically works the same as commenting on WordPress, only you can comment with your Facebook ID, Twitter ID or Disqus ID if you have that. Above the comment section on the right it says ‘Login’ with a little arrow pointing downward. If you click on that you can choose with which medium you’d like to comment. I’m sorry for the hassle, but the idea is your comments won’t be lost in my spam folder this way (it was a rather painstaking task to pick four genuine comments out of 500 spam ones each and every day).
        Of course, you can also comment on Facebook, which is where all posts are uploaded (usually within an hour of being posted on my site: https://www.facebook.com/satirenation (you should find the latest Kimmy post on this link)…
        Sorry for the trouble. I’m afraid my wit does not apply to the digital world:s
        Please let me know if you have trouble figuring it out.

      4. I’ll have a go although did not spot Kim on Facebook yesterday. Anyway I will click on the Facebook thing you mention as soon as I can remember where exactly I wrote down my ID details! Sure I can sort this out – he says hopefully.

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