“900 gram T-Bone steak to go Squire.”
“What you talking about?”
“This is, unless my profound dyslexia indicates otherwise, a Steak House establishment I believe so serve me up me T-Bone and I’ll be on me way.”
“Look matey boy you’ve got more front than Buckingham Palace. You just can’t come in here pushing your weight around demanding fresh meat. Don’t you realize who I am?”
“No squire I have no idea who you are and furthermore couldn’t give a tupenny toss either. Steak now!”
“Big mistake you’ve just made there sunshine. For whilst it is true as you rightly observe this is a stake house yet we do not sell meat.”
“Fucking good steak house that is then – what’s the point of that. Don’t suppose you could do me a bit of sirloin then?”
“No.”
“Rump……..Fillet….Rib Eye?”
“Fuck me we don’t sell meat – get that through your thick skull or you’ll find I have a stake that will more than adequately serve that very purpose.”
“So you do sell steaks then?”
“Oh yes we do – mainly head stakes though.”
“Oh well that’s a cut I never had – give us one of those then.”
“You sure about this?”
“’Corse I’m sure – wouldn’t have been so stupid to ask for something I’m not sure about would I tosspot!”
SCREAM…….SLICE…..SCREAM…………BLOOD SPLATTER……….HEAD ON STAKE…….MOPPING UP
“Everything all right out there in the shop Vlad my love only I thought I heard a rumpus.”
“All OK luv just another satisfied customer. It doesn’t get much better than customer satisfaction I find.”
- MIKE STEEDEN - 
Careful what you ask for and from whom.
Probably one of the great lessons of life – you should build one of your sublime pieces of poetry around that sentiment!
I love the wordplays this post is drenched with! (Is that an English expression, otherwise: my misteak!)
It is odd how – historically – Vlad fascinates me. I keep coming back to him without realizing it at the time. Most odd – perhaps I was a serial killer in a former life?
grisly good
Cheers Sir. By the way it occurred to me in the early hours that I have never ‘reviewed’ the books I have of yours from Amazon UK. Would you mind if I did? No problem if you do not wish me to go this route yet so enamoured are Shirl and I with them I feel we should share our enthusiasm.
by all means, have at it
Will do – you have my assurance I will be at my most eloquent.
I love your post, the ratchet humor that comes via replies. Awesome chuckles.
Thank you young lady – mine lack the magic of yours but then again I’m quite insane (in a nice way I stress).
Nothing wrong with a little bit of insanity stashed away in the cobbard
I must admit I’ve always enjoyed my insanity. Thank you.
So wonderfully insane.
Cheers! Insane is what I strive for.
Cheers.
Bwaaahaaahaaaa!! Love it! It sounds like something our friend, Carruthers would bumble, but I’m glad you didn’t use him or he’s be no more. 🙂
Funnily enough it started life as a Carruthers.
Oh, cool! 😀 I can’t wait to see what Carruthers does next. And Bobby Bob-bob