The year is 1802. Poet William Wordsworth and his sister Dorothy have just returned to Dove Cottage where both have recently taken up residence (don’t even go there!) in the Lake District having, a little earlier in the day had a jolly good constitutional walking about Glencoyne Bay in Ullswater just up the road a bit. William is vexed somewhat for whilst he has the opening gambit to his new poem – an epic he hopes – he simply cannot finish off the first line.  Struggling for inspiration we join William and Dorothy in the garden of the cottage taking tea and having a bit of a chat………..

“I say Sis if the truth be told I am somewhat bolloxed as to how to finish of the very first line of my brand new poem. You see I’ve got as far as ‘I wandered lonely as a……….’ and that’s it – not an original thought in my head thereafter. What to do? Any ideas?”

“What about ‘I wandered lonely as someone who smells a bit?’ That should work nicely don’t you think?”

“’Someone who smells a bit….someone who smells a bit! That’s hardly in the romantic vane I apply to my ever increasing portfolio of sublime poetry is it?”

“Well smelly people are rather lonely what with others avoiding them because they chuck up somewhat.”

“No I’m afraid that that will never do.”

“Well how about ‘I wandered lonely as a serial killer.’ I mean people avoid serial killers like the plague don’t they. Serial killers are therefore ‘lonely.’ How about that one?”


“Um…….let me think. I know, got it ‘I wandered lonely as a cowpat.’”

“Sis for crying out loud. Cowpats don’t wander do they – now be sensible.”

“Cowpats would wander if there was, say, an earthquake. That would shift them around a tad.”

“How then do you determine that said ‘cowpats’ are ‘lonely’ then.”

“Well think about it Billy. When you are walking through a meadow and spot a cowpat you give them a wide berth and that, in my book, makes them ever such lonely things.”


“Crikey we are in a mood today aren’t we? Anyway try this one, ‘I wandered lonely as a known paedophile. They are very, very lonely types what with their disgusting urges.”

“God give me strength. Also you have yet again overlooked the romantic element to my exquisite poetic output haven’t you?”

“Well I’m sure paedophiles think, in their own way that is, that they are a bit romantic.”

“For fuck’s sake Sis you don’t half talk shit sometimes.”

“Right last one I can think of, ‘I wandered lonely as a stag when it’s not the rutting season.’ I’m mean stags are romantic when the fight each other in order to get a shag when the hinds are in season yet ever so lonely for the rest of the time.”


“I give up then. Ah well at least it’s a beautiful day. Just look up at that blue sky, natures very own panorama with just that one little fluffy white cloud – simply gorgeous.”

“Suppose so…….right let’s get me thinking cap on. ‘I wandered lonely as a…..…..’ – no not a bloody sausage.”




  1. I wandered lonely as a fart
    That floats on high o’er vales and hills,
    When all at once I
    gave a start
    F*ck me, what’s this ?
    It’s bloody daffodils !

    (a little-known early draft of Wordsmith’s classic poem) 😆

  2. I LOVE William Wordsworth even more than I love Bobby Bob-Bob, but not quite as much as Carruthers. ❤ Please be sure that he is a recurring character! EXCELLENT skit! 😀 *APPLAUSE, APPLAUSE*

    1. Odd you know – I like Bobby Bob Bob yet from the ‘reader’ stats it seems others do not share the same lunacy we do. By the way I’ve done quite a few of these skits based around ‘Writer’s Block’ – I may add a few more. It is an easy template to write around. What I like about your blog is that it has the feel of a magazine about it what with an interview day and themed story days. In terms of template I think you’ve pitched it spot on.

      1. Thank you. I just think other readers haven’t given Bobby Bob Bob a chance yet. I like him because he is similarly as dimwitted as Carruthers, but being a policeman, he gets the opportunity to bumble different things than just a cheating wife. With Carruthers, I love the good mix between his troubles with Diedre as well as his Foreign Office affairs. What else I love on yours is when you get a random photo and then write an entire skit based on it. At least it seems like those times you find the photos first, and write afterwards, and those are always so creative. I mean, the other posts are creative as well, obviously, but on the days when it might be hard to find something to blog about, it seems you’ve nailed it with the ones around the photos such as the bikini woman today.

      2. Cheers for that. I thought a swift development of the Carruthers saga was called for – he and Deirdre are still linked because she has his beloved Rolls Royce so we’ll see how this goes. You are 100% right about captions. When the creative spark eludes me I seek out pictures I can write captions to – well spotted. Been doing captions ever since I was a kid – great fun.

      3. That’s awesome. Did you ever see the show Whose Line is it Anyway? (They had a British version.) I used to do something similar to one of the games they play on that show where they watch a portion of an old movie with the sound off and they ad lib the words. When my cousin and I were kids we would get bored in church, so we’d pretend the preacher had no legs and was only holding himself up to the podium by his arm. It was so funny when he would get to talking and shake his fists and such that we would laugh so hard, our grandma would send us out. LOL!

      4. I know the show – it was very good I recall. Started out as a radio show on BBC Radio 4. Radio versions are always the best I find. BBC Radio 4 is the best radio station of all if you ever get a chance to listen in. As to your preacher story it displays the lunacy of the young mind – and I really feel sorry for adults who grow up and leave that lunacy behind.

  3. I actually had to google Wordsworth and this famous poem of his. Hadn’t heard of him and I figured a poem named ‘Wordsworth’ could have easily been one of your inventions. Although I can see why this poem has become such a famous one (well, not for me up until now, but I’m really glad I know it), I must say sis has a point: pedophiles, serial killers and smelly people are far lonelier than clouds in my opinion;)

    1. A famous English poet and poem. Personally I’m not too keen on it – overplays soft romanticism. Give me Paul Lenzi on WordPress any day of any week – the guy is a genius. Every time I read his stuff it makes me want to give up!

      1. I actually checked his blog a few weeks ago. He truly is a master, but I wouldn’t say you compare unfavorably at all;) I’ve been meaning to check out more of his work…

      2. I have purchased a couple of his books so impressed I was. Albeit politically we are far apart his poetry provides a common ground. Certainly he is worth a read.

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