“I say Carruthers you do look all of a muddle this morning. Penny for your thoughts old chum.”

“Oh it’s nothing much – just something Deirdre said last evening.”

“What was that then?”

“Well there we were over dinner, me as happy as a sand boy chatting on about this and that when Deirdre, quite out of the blue said, ‘as if I care.’ Understandably, the seemingly random mention of the name of a chappie from our former Indian sub-continent territories confused me somewhat. So I asked of her who this ‘Asif Icare’ was and exactly why his name had come up in conversation.”

“With that she sighed, the very deepest of sighs, put on her sad face and told me she had had enough; that she could take no more of my indifference toward her, told me I was an abject bore, called me the c-word and added that she was leaving me once and for all.”

“Leaving you for this Asif bloke is she?”

“Seems so my friend; seems so.”

“Well what a to-do. What will you do? Hunt this Lothario down and teach him some manners? That’s what I’d do you know – well actually I’d pay for a ruffian to carry out the act on my behalf but you know what I mean.”

“Maybe. I mean I’ve checked the local telephone directory and there is an Asif Icare in the village. The thing is he’s a hundred if he’s a day. His family run the ‘open all hours’ corner shop all the plebs use I am given to understand – a very popular man they say. I’d have an angry mob on my back if I gave him the good hiding he deserves.”

“Where is Deirdre now then?”

“Buggered orf with just the one suitcase and took orf in the Roller leaving me bereft. That car cost me a bleddy fortune – my pride and joy.”

“Crikey not the Roller – that really must be the last straw. A woman driving a Roller – I dread to think what damage she might do to it.”

“Haven’t slept a wink thinking about it in point of fact. Do you know what I really fancy going on the tilt. To the club for the most liquid of lunchtimes I think?”

“Bleddy right.”



    1. Once my brain comes up with a new plan I shall move this saga forward. Actually you’ve got me thinking. Deirdre has the Roller – stolen it in point of fact – and Bobby represents the long arm of the law. Might have legs?

      1. Definitely! And since she seems to somehow end up with that sort of man as well as being perpetually horny because of Carruthers’ inability to satisfy her, she might feel the need to “make an exchange” to get herself out of trouble. Maybe the Rolls has a personalized (we call them vanity plates) license tag (if you have those there?) which says something that will catch Bobby’s eye and make him suspicious? 🙂

      2. Do you know years ago a pretty you lady once imparted information as to the whereabouts of a missing Rolls Royce. Given her assistance we sent her a cheque for £1000 as a reward. Amazingly, and with great skill she changed the cheque to read £10,000 and the bank cashed it. When I pointed this illegal act out to her she advised me that in her opinion rather than me involve the police we could, ‘come to an arrangement.’ Obviously I – being ever so professional – gave the case to said police. All the lads in the office took the piss out of me for months after that! Oh, and by the way I have decided to sort all my material out into categories and see if there is a book or two to be compiled – problem is most of them (apart from the old stuff) are only kept on WordPress (I’m not that good at backing things up). Should be fun – I’m thinking of getting my old (albeit much younger than me) secretary Chantal to do the donkey work for me – she is down here visiting us presently so I’ll be talking her into it!

      3. YAY! That’s great news about the book! I’m excited to read it when you’re done. Does Shirley write as much as you? So what happened with the Rolls lady? I hope she was arrested and jailed! Did your office mates not want you to turn her in or they were just on you for not “coming to the arrangement” with her? She would have had to have been some amazing freak to be worth £9,000. LOL!

      4. I recall she got a 9 month custodial sentence. I was the boss so the boys in the office were never going to get a look in – they still took the piss unmercifully though. Apparently her ex was a professional quality car thief and she knew all of his secrets so when they split up she started collecting rewards from any number of finance companies.

      5. Oh wow! That’s definitely a chapter or two for the new book, Volume I, eh? It reminds me of “Catch Me If You Can.” Did you ever see that movie w/ Leonardo DiCaprio? It was a true story and the man in it went on to work for the FBI and actually spoke at a hospital where I worked once at a seminar on insurance fraud. If you haven’t seen it, it’s an excellent movie.

      6. Really? Oh, you’ll love it! And Shirl will get a detective fix in it as well, not to mention eye-candy with the handsome Leonardo DiCaprio. 😉 It’s a true story about a scam artist in the 1960s. He poses as a doctor, an airline pilot, a professor and several other jobs and all the while he’s stealing money from those places and the FBI is after him all over the world. PLEASE promise me you’ll find & watch it. 🙂

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