SVETLANA DISCOVERS JUST HOW WEALTHY CARRUTHERS REALLY IS!

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“I say Carruthers how are things at home? Don’t suppose Deidre has deigned to return as yet – too much to hope for I suppose?”

“Well I live in hope. The old place seems so very empty without her you know.”

“At least you’ve got that pretty little maid of yours Svetlana to cook and clean for you. From what country does she herald old boy – I find it hard to pin her accent down?”

“Buggered if I know if the truth be told Deirdre used to look after the hiring and firing of domestic staff. Certainly I’d say it must be a place east of Dover that’s for sure.”

“Um….probably, what with her raven hair and gypsy looks I’m guessing well east of good old Hellfire Corner.”

“The thing is old chum Svetlana does worry me more than a bit. Just the other evening I swear she was going through my desk in the study reading up on my not inconsiderable financial investments. She jumped out of her skin as I entered the room and said something along the lines of ‘I’m just dusting in here.’ Funny though for she did appear rather flustered at the time. Even odder still is that since then she barely leaves me alone – can’t get rid of her in point of fact.”

“Really.”

“Yes. I get no peace at all. Take last evening for instance. I arrived home rather well-oiled from our little soiree at that club and there she is – scantily clad I might add – saying ‘I have something that will warm you up’ and running her hands down my chest, removing my tie, unbuttoning my shirt and then she made an attempt to undo me bleddy trouser belt no less. Of course I reminded her straight orf the bat that whilst our British climate may appear warm to a foreigner like her that there was in point of fact a chill in the air.”

“Oh that is so kind of the girl. I’m presuming here that she had made up a hot water bottle for you and that she had your dressing gown at the ready. Probably a hot toddy to boot! You’re a lucky man to be attended to so very well you know. My, the girl was even helping you undress. Top drawer stuff in my book.”

“If only! In an instant she whipped orf her dress – I say dress yet in reality it was the tiniest thing and looked as if it had been sprayed on – and stood as naked as the day she was born before me and said, ‘Do you like what you see?’ I didn’t know where to put my eyes I can tell you. Then it dawned on me that the poor girl likely couldn’t afford to buy underwear.”

“Ah….how clever of you to note that.”

“That’s what I thought. Anyway I slipped her more than a little there and then.”

“Pardon?”

“A few quid. Well a couple of fifties to go shopping for sensible, hopefully thermal underwear with. I mean what would the neighbours say if they thought for one moment that any of my staff were so poor they’re walking about the place knickerless! Can’t have that can we.”

“Bleddy right Sir – image to keep up and all that.”

“Any how she seemed quite pleased to take the money – indeed only this morning before leaving for the office she served up my breakfast clad in nothing but her maid’s apron. Dearie, dearie me I thought to myself. Perhaps the poor girl’s got just the one frock and that that was most probably in the wash. With this in mind I bunged her a tidy wedge.”

“You did what?”

“Well I presume £500 would cover a couple of woolly jumpers and such like – small change to me.”

“You really are a kindly soul old chum – fancy a swift one at the club?”

“Do you know what – that sounds a handsome proposition.”

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28 thoughts on “SVETLANA DISCOVERS JUST HOW WEALTHY CARRUTHERS REALLY IS!

  1. Now I know how Svetlana looks…
    Is Deidre coming back or she is too caught up with her tennis lessons?

    1. Ah – good point Sir. I have a feeling that this little soap opera is nearing conclusion. Just a few more disasters to go then Carruthers can get back to matters of State.

      1. We have to know when to stop with a story.

        What about something related to Sakorzy who is in hot waters right now?

      2. I think his wife doubles up as both Deirdre and Svetlana all in one the lucky chap. Oddly for an old left-winger such as I, I rather like him and hope he escapes with his reputation intact.

    1. Odd how he keeps looking a gift horse in the eye!
      If I remember correctly – forgive me if I have this wrong – you are a Man U man? I am a tad worried you lot are about to come in for another Arsenal captain in Thomas Vermarlen! What do you make of your new manager?

      1. I think he’s a decent improvement on Moyes, who I thought was worthily out of his depth. I loved the romance of Giggs having a go, and the documentary of his period in charge, but he’s just not experienced enough as yet in my opinion

  2. “the bat that whilst our British climate may appear warm to a foreigner”…Carruthers cluelessness really expresses itself in everything he says and does! Brilliant!

    1. The worrying thing is there’s more than just a bit of Carruthers in me – aside from his great wealth of course. The times when I was in late teens early twenties when I missed the signals from young gals number many.

      1. Not quite – I was cursed then as to a degree I am cursed now with seeing/hearing things at face value. For example – true – if I ask Shirley a question, any question, I cannot help but take the answer literally. I miss the nuances. Personally I don’t mind being this way at all yet it can be annoying for others. I see that my son does the same and that worries me for I wouldn’t wish this affliction upon others – notwithstanding that time has taught me to enjoy it.

  3. lmfao… bloody hell! Get a clue carruthers! 😀 I’ll be slipping her bit an bobs for sure, but it wouldn’t just be the paper kind. 😉

  4. Clickety click click. Oh wait, that was a different day’s post! Excellent post. I never knew Svetlana doubled as a gentleman’s gentleman. How kind of her to help Carruthers undress. The poor dear might have caught her death of cold if he hadn’t so selflessly contributed to her wardrobe. Hail, Hail, Carruthers! 😀

      1. I did. And I’m on the edge of my seat! You need to contact the BBC and see if they’ll agree to make “The Life and Times of Carruthers” into a mini-series or a soap opera. 🙂

      2. Did you know that just yesterday I remembered I had 12 episodes of Carruthers never published on WordPress. You see when Danny Soz/Clive by any other name took a bit of a sabbatical from Facebook and blogging he let me loose on the sozsatire Facebook page telling me I could post whatever I fancied. So I came up with the idea of sozsatire being an old Victorian mansion of sorts where Carruthers and Chum end up one day and suddenly realize it contains the secret of the Elixir of Satire. By mixing Carruthers with some of Clives great characters – he should post them more often – like Menopausal Meg and Syd Semtex the story evolved over a 40 year period. Presently I am re-writing them in context for WordPress posts.

      3. Oh, wow, this is gonna be great! Did you know I interviewed Gary Hoadley? Two weeks from Friday we get to hear from him. He suggested I contact Clive for a writer interview and he also tagged you for it on Facebook last week. I cannot wait to see where our man Carruthers goes next!

      4. I didn’t know that – good for Gary. Can’t wait to read it. He’s quite insane you know. If you ever start interviewing complete idiots give me a shout!

      5. LOL! You are so funny. You’ve got so much modesty, yet so much you can actually brag about. I will be proud to interview you any time at all! You let me know when you’re up for it.

      6. I am certainly up for it because it sounds tremendous fun yet I am not an author! I mean I did once write one very long (400,000 words!) and not very funny autobiography after selling the business but that, plus a bit of blogging is all I’ve ever done. Do I meet your criteria – because some of the interviews I read of your seem to have quite clever people!

      7. 400,000 words is FOUR books! You might not write books after that but you DO write. I mean, your blogging is top notch! And as for clever, you definitely rank in one of the top three brilliant people I know. If you’ll send me an email to the email address in this link: http://rachelcarrera.wordpress.com/2014/03/12/calling-all-writers/, I’ll email you the questions, and I’ll even tailor them just for you. (I don’t type the actual email address here to avoid spammers.) I think you would give an amazing interview, and it will surely bring you some more followers. Gary’s answers are quite funny. If you want to wait to see how he answered, you can. Some are serious, and some are just so silly, they’re hilarious.

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