Conjure me a social leper

Conjure me an ice cold beer

Conjure me a starlit night

And perhaps a gondolier


Venice, it was Venice

Where my sanity was lost

Fell in love with an actress

With a heart as cold as frost


Blanche the name she went by

So sweet when I had money

So cruel when she had taken me

For my good fortunes ‘milk and honey’


Blanche is with another now

Another fool like me

She’ll seduce him for his fortune

Leave him broke yet never free


Still that remains the poor man’s fate

It’s not my business anyway

I am just her discarded quarry

He is now her well-oiled prey


A gondolier, a starlit night

Yes I recall it now

The worse for beer, a social leper

I committed suicide in the Grand Canal


What Blanche does not know though

Is that upon each starlit night

My spirit visits her boudoir

And my God I give her a fright


Although a little rude of me

I wait until she’s undressed

And by way of a ghostly wolf whistle

My icy presence doth caress


The finest pair of Bristol’s

Seen outside of an erotic dream

I take delight in frightening her

And she’s not acting when she screams!


26 thoughts on “A GHOSTLY WOLF WHISTLE

    1. I did consider a ghost in a physical relationship yet feared I’d start a new religion. Did you know that the Church of England have just approved the appointment of women bishops? Not that I give a toss (about who is, or who is not a bishop) but there might be some material for you there?

      1. Wow – a Victorian ghost! Hadn’t thought of that. In truth the idea of getting that place now appeals to me – just hope we sell this before someone else buys it. Shirley is hanging in there hoping we don’t lose out!

      2. UGH! I’m sure you will…From the photos I’ve seen, it’s too awesome for someone to pass up. I think your Victorian ghost ought to hook up with your smelly French cheese ghost. 😀

    1. I guess he is pervy yet she seduced him and made off with his fortune! What is left for the dead, broke male of the species save for stereotype? I think that is why I enjoy the company of women more than men for you have a myriad of stereotypes whereas us chaps have just the one plus a few sub genres of little consequence. You really are rather clever – I struggle to keep up!

      1. I think I have began to understand your slightly insane sense of humor…….. and your extreme sense of satire that frequently tends to twist itself with humor and sarcasm infested commentary of life…… women are by compulsion complex creature because the society demands it/ nay expects it of us, therefore over time the tenderness of childhood begins to be stripped off….Some lose it faster
        Just like men who face similar pressures to win that fight, get that new promotion etc.
        Life is sad….. BUT THERE IS ALWAYS, the promise of finding that someone that may be enough for us to make us forget the troubles of the world…………… and so the world spins yet another tale….. 😀

      2. A philosophy with objective reasoning all in one comment – you are rather clever. I agree. And women are complex creatures and that fact alone makes life worth living – none more complex than my wife Shirl who, on balance, makes me look sane. I found her chatting away to a snail only yesterday pointing out how she was going to rehouse it in a safe place before the birds ate it. Regular she tells wasps off for their bad manners. You see blokes are boring not doing things like that – just fighting to get to the top of the ladder to satisfy that ‘alpha’ male thing – tedious are us chaps – and predictable.

  1. “Leave him broke yet never free”…beautiful line!
    Great one as usual. Men being rejected by rather cruel and/or coldhearted women seems to be a theme in some of your work, does it not?;)

    1. The stupidity of men is a constant source of humour to me – a subject I find I cannot leave alone. A lot of the stuff I write in this regard comes easy as I’m ‘stupid’ in many regards and enjoy being so. One day I shall have to record Shirley and I having a row. Basically when it all kicks of we level insults at each other that get more and more personal until we plummet to such depths one of us says something so vile we burst out laughing.

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