“I say Carruthers, do you know I really don’t get the morals of these young gals in this day and age.”

“How so old chap?”

“Well young Tiffany our secretary just telephoned in saying….and I shall repeat what she said verbatim, ‘Sorry Sir I cannot get to work presently as I am a tad unwell. I was celebrating my birthday yesterday and had Juan Toomany which later made me inclined to feel Joe Vile and after I’d had all the Al Cohol I could take I thought that I come all over Maud Lin but I didn’t – well not until Eve Ning came. That’s when that old good Sam Aritan flexed his muscles and whisked me off to…… shall I put it?……..well let’s just say a kindly Den Tist stuffed his probe in my mouth and sorted me out after I’d fallen over Al Lotof-Times. He says he will need to get me to return later for a number of major fillings. Also I would like all the Benny Fits I can lay my hands on while I’m off sick.   So basically work is out of the question until I’m feeling Dan Dee once more’…………What do you make of that old friend? Personally I think it’s disgusting the way she carries on!”

“Crikey – let’s get this clear. What our Tiffany is saying is that she had no less than seven sexual encounters with her male chums (one of them, Sam Aritan based upon what she says was likely old enough to be her father) and no less than two lesbian liaisons.  And for that matter this Joe Vile sounds a rum sort to me. The silly, silly, silly girl.  She obviously has become a bi-sexual nymphomaniac. Agreed…the very fact she should even mention such foul things over the telephone, even worse that I thought her such a nice innocent girl….utterly, utterly disgusting.”

“I think we should give her a jolly good talking to when she eventually returns to work…..maybe even give her a formal written warning that such behaviour is unacceptable whether in or out of the workplace should she wish to remain in the employ of the Foreign Office here in London.”

“Indeed I shall undertake the commencement of said disciplinary procedures myself. By the way I rather fancy getting full as a tic at the club this lunchtime – you see I’m meeting up with my estranged wife Deidre this evening and need a bit of Dutch courage before I face her. Anyway are you up for it?”

“Is the PM a waste of space I do.”




  1. Bwaaahaaahaaaa!! That’s the most name mistakes Carruthers has ever made at once! I love it! I’ve had a rotten two days and you just cheered me up immensely with this tale of our chum! (Yikes, I mistyped that and at first it said cum!!) And he’s going to be meeting with Deirdre? What wonderful news! I can’t wait to see what you have planned for their reunion! Thanks, Sir Mike! ❤

    1. I knew you’d get that one – what with your love of word play! Believe it or not that was a really difficult write. But yes Deirdre will be back – I have a story in my head yet need – hopefully Sunday – time out to get it down on paper. If I leave it to long Deirdre will have been forgotten by the readers!

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