JONNY CATAPAULT – THE PLUMBER THE ARTISTS ALL TRUST & THE RAT UP RAPHAEL’S DRAINPIPE

three graces

“Well then Ralphey boy that’s your drainpipe sorted out mate – pesky fat old rat got stuck up there and snuffed it hence your guttering’s overflowing mate. Still could have been worse what with you being like – metaphorically speaking of course – well, a bit like a rat up a drainpipe yourself insofar as the ladies are concerned. Anyhow what’s new on the old painting front?”

“Just finished this one Jonny, I think it might appeal to you given your love of the naked female form.”

“Crikey Ralphey three of them all starker’s – bet you had some fun and games with the models you dirty old sod.”

“Well I dabble – you know me can’t help myself sometimes.”

“What have you called it Ralphey?”

“Well I was going to run with ‘I would; I have and I might’ yet realistically thought it better to go a bit Renaissance highbrow and name it ‘The Three Graces’ not just because the girls were all called Grace – odd coincidence that if you think about it – but also because the girls could arguably represent the three Latin Graces of beauty, grace and artistic inspiration.”

“That’s shit that title – personally I liked the first one, ‘I would; I have and I might.’ It’s got a certain ring to it in my book. Just out of curiosity which one of the trio have you ‘had’?”

“Oh, that would be Grace, a truly lovely girl with a heart of gold.”

“Crikey Ralphey that don’t help much mate you said they were all called Grace.”

“Sorry Jonny I wasn’t thinking. My Grace is the one in the middle – bit of a looker don’t you think.”

“Too bloody true I do. Nice arse. What’s the boat race like?”

“Face of an angel Jonny.”

“Why are they all holding a ball?”

“Oh you’ll never believe it Jonny the girls are all into playing Pétanque in a big way and thought that holding a ball each whilst modelling they’d strengthen their biceps thus ensuring a bit more power on the ball rolling front. You see after I’d knocked out the painting they were in a rush to get down the Pétanque club. In point of fact such was their hurry they’ve left all their kit behind the silly girls.”

“Knock me down with a feather mate, you mean they rushed off stark bollock naked?”

“Yes Jonny, maybe if you’re passing the Pétanque club you could drop their clothes off there. Note there’s only two pairs of knickers though, Grace herself doesn’t wear any generally.”

“There you go again Ralphey – they’re all called fucking Grace. Which one doesn’t wear skiddies – you’ve got me all curious mate?”

“Think it’s the one on the right but can’t be 100% on that.”

“Never mind, I shall happily drop them off down the club mate. Just hope I give the thin air knickers to the right one!”

“Cheers Jonny, you’re a living legend. And thanks again for getting my drainpipe sorted out so promptly.”

 

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14 thoughts on “JONNY CATAPAULT – THE PLUMBER THE ARTISTS ALL TRUST & THE RAT UP RAPHAEL’S DRAINPIPE

    1. Funnily enough many years ago I knew a girl called Grace yet she was not too forthcoming on favours – so to speak. Also she was rarely without a thick woolly jumper – even in summer. Regardless, my apologies to all the lovely ladies in the world called Grace!

      1. Maybe someone like her would have appreciated such a poem, maybe let her explore her wild side so to speak. I have just deemed your apology unnecessary on behalf of all the Graces of the world!

      2. Thank you for that small mercy. I can now hold my head high in the company of Grace’s everywhere. However the Grace I knew never had a wild side insofar as I recall. My boring mate Denis dated her and Den didn’t do wild – in point of fact aside from being constantly stoned he didn’t do much at all. He fell down an unmarked hole in the road and died as it happens – it was what he would have wanted though. That’s another story I might reblog soon.

  1. LOL! This was hysterical… even though I have no clue what petanque is! It’s always so funny how Jonny kind of balances out Carruthers in the boudoir department. Excellent skit! 😀

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