“I say Carruthers the PM can be bloody rude when the fancy takes him.”

“How so old chum?  Personally I’ve never had issue with him on the politeness front.”

“Well apropos nothing he took me aside following the meet at No. 10 earlier and said, ‘God man you need a mint Mentos like I don’t know what.’ Plainly I asked what he meant and his riposte was, ‘Your fucking halitosis is making me want to spew and is lingering in the Cabinet Office to the extent that I fear the Hungarian and the Japanese big wigs will be distressed when they arrive after luncheon for trade negotiations.’ I mean I tried to explain to him that I had never even heard of Ali Toesis let alone had her within my close circle of friends or indeed colleagues here in the Foreign Office yet he was having none of it.”

“Blimey it sounds as if the old boy is losing the plot to me……and I might add becoming something of a racist.  To call one of our German allies ‘Hun’ Gary Anne (does sound like a cross-dresser though) and a Jap ‘Jap’ Annease is poor form in my book. Shades of the aftermath of the World War Two if you ask me. As to Ali Toesis I can vouch for you on that one for I’ve never heard of the gal.”

“I’m guessing she must be as ugly as sin though…….you know……inducing the PM to vomit.”

“True – best we discover who she is and make double sure she doesn’t turn up at the meeting.  I think we should ask our young secretary Tiffany. She knows everybody who works here – even the plebs. If anyone can help it’ll be Tiffs.”

“Sound idea……..I say Tiffany…….yes you…….is there a girl working here who is challenged on the looks front and who goes by the name of Ali Toesis?……Oh yes, and maybe has a passion for Mentos for I was told by the PM that I may need one….plus, nearly forgot that, she may favour a wig…….what’s that you say again Tiffany I didn’t catch it first time……..couldn’t hear you over the pounding of your typewriter and the fit of laughter that has consumed your very person………got it now, thanks Tiffs.”

“What did she say then?”

“Not much help really she simply said – guffawing away like a good’un I might add – that she was well aware that some men toss and that if this Ali Toesis is fond of ‘tossing’ she is very likely a he. Moreover if she is a he then by the sounds of it he might be an Arab.”

“Well that’s thrown a spanner in the works. First the PM is rude about the Japs and the Huns now we learn that a certain Arab is not to his liking also. What a to-do.”

“Well at least this Ali Toesis doesn’t work here then….what with him being an Arab and all that…..God forbid the day when we employ one of those bomb throwing types.”

“All seems well in the world then…….fancy a quick snifter and a bite to eat at that little watering hole come restaurant that just opened up round the corner?”

“The one that does Algerian cuisine?”

“One and the same…..bloody good chef that Al Geria.”

“Damn right he is…….last one there gets the drinks in!”    


22 thoughts on “CARRUTHERS, HIS CHUM & A MENTOS!

  1. Bwaaahaaahaaa! This is wonderful! I’m glad I saved it ’til last on my catch-up (no not ketchup) day. Poor Carruthers. The PM just needs to put a box of Tic-Tacs in his in box. And yet, the poor stinky fellow still manages to get the ladies. 🙂

      1. LOL! He could be smelly because he got baby poo on him when he changed a diaper…but then I realized he would never change a diaper! I wonder how long before the wet nurse gets pregnant with his child!

      2. I shall get tore into Carruthers and the interview also at the back end of the week – I’ve written a lot of stuff these past few days thus freeing me to think Carruthers! It helps that we have so many in LOMM now – we’ve each got an allotted day to post so mine is Wednesday and it means I can attempt to put one quality post there a week rather than struggle running two blogs daily! Are the likes from LOMM getting on your blog – yet again I had to repeat a good few that didn’t show up (I think that was on Thursday last when I checked and found them missing – it only happens on your blog and that of another lady).

      3. I got some LOMM likes recently, which must have been when you went back. I still occasionally have that problem, too. However, I never got the “NEW” WP format…but I did accidentally find it when I went to edit something and there was a SMALL link in the top right corner that said I could click it to go back ton “Classic View.” Do you have that now? Maybe if you take it back to the old (better) posting screen, your problems might go away. 🙂

      4. I may well try that. I did see the ‘Classic View’ button yet fear stopped me from pressing it. We are back South of the Thames now. Traffic problems added hours to the journey there and back (the wedding that is) and to make matters worse someone broke into our hotel room and stole Shirley’s IPad meaning we had to spend hours giving statements to the police! I worked out the trip which we kept to just 36 hours in the end cost me over £750. Given your road trip luck we wondered if you might have been driving the same roads as us!

      5. Good grief! That’s horrible! But being two former private eyes, did you collect any clues in addition to the police? Will the hotel reimburse you or will your homeowner’s insurance? (I realize you weren’t home, but perhaps they may cover anyway?) They make big purses these days with a big pocket in the front for carrying one’s iPad with them… Now you’ll have to get her one of those so she’ll never leave it again. I’m really sorry, that sucks! And you already dreaded going int he first place! Yes, that definitely sounds like my kind of luck. Unfortunately.

      6. I shall tell her about the special bags. Given that it was nicked from a securely locked room it counts as a burglary rather than a theft. Has to be an inside job so I reckon the hotel should reimburse us rather than my insurance company. Bloody nuisance though – I just worked out that 24 hour period cost me (inc. hotel bill, fuel etc.) just short of £800!

      7. Good grief! That is just insane! Yeah, they should definitely reimburse you and their insurance should cover it. Did that have you fill out claim forms and all that? You should not only get the cost back but get some vouchers for another stay.

      8. I wouldn’t stay there again for all the tea in China! Tatty place charging top dollar prices. When I called the police in they took ages to arrive then there was all the statements to fill out etc. but yes I am hoping to get the hotel to pay – not approached them yet until I hear from the investigating officer – then all hell can be let loose – I told the police who I thought might have done it though!

      9. Wow, really? You have a suspect in mind? Yeah, I feel like that when a restaurant stinks then they want to give free coupons to come back – no thank you! But then perhaps you could get vouchers and give them to someone else. Did the hotel even know what happened at all? Or you just didn’t ask them about reimbursement yet?

      10. Morning young Rachel. They had a card entry door system so it must be an inside job. When we arrived at reception I had asked about wi-fi password for the IPad etc. Only two members of staff on at the time! As ssoon as we discovered the theft I had the police come to the hotel (although we had to wait ages for them to arrive) and take Shirley’s statement – I sent off the bill to the hotel just yesterday and now await their reply. I shall not give up – dog with a bone and all that. Moreover we pay – I understand – much more for IPads here than you do in the States! All a bloody nuisance really – yet I’m off to France shopping tomorrow – just hope the car doesn’t get nicked!

      11. Yeah, you can get an iPad here for around $700 and an Air starting around $450. Did the police question the hotel staff or manager while you were there? Did they make you pay for your room when you checked out or even apologize? Was it lying out or hidden in your luggage? What a horrible invasion of privacy in addition to the monetary and personal loss. I hope she didn’t have personal information stored in there such as passwords or credit card info.

      12. Unfortunately we paid on arrival as our plan was to leave very early the next day and see where the road took us! As we left I noticed the police questioning reception staff. There was a lot of personal stuff on it yet password protected – Apple tell us that it is of no use to anyone and are also trying to track it if it’s ever turned on again. Oh yes, it was in a suitcase on a bed – they didn’t even take the charger or my Google Nexus android thing that was next to the phone by the door! Also, forgot earlier – the house thing is back on as a ‘chain’ of buyers and sellers has now formed – in point of fact I best get to work as we have a long letter from solicitors asking bundles of questions about our place I need to reply to. Catch up with you later.

      13. Oh, well that’s good news about the house anyway! 😀 Wow, that’s really scary about the iPad…being in a suitcase, it kind of gives you a creepy feeling of being violated, doesn’t it? I hope you and I both get our “back to normal” lives again soon…I miss our daily chats!

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