I wrote this one a little earlier today for League of Mental Men.



  1. Sithee, young Mike, furst thee as a go at white vans, then thee ‘as ter start on t’ denizens o’ God’s Own County… tha’s bahn ter get theesen in reyt trouble, tha knaws….

    1. The thieving swines broke into our hotel room in Leeds last week and nicked the wife’s IPad no less! I must say your Yorkshire dialogue is 10 times better than my stab at it though!

  2. This was hysterical. Especially the part about VD. Farts and venereal disease are always funny, especially when they happen to someone else. Hopefully neither of you caught VD while you were in the bad hotel! YIKES! 😉

    1. Bloody hotel now claim that they have tested the door lock with some electronic device and claim it was not opened during the time we were out at the wedding – I feel a temper rising in me.

      1. ARGH! I want to come over there and kick some British butt!!!! If you want my help writing a legal letter, let me know, though I’m sure you do fine with your background. If you want me to come over there and help you be the enforcer, let me know and I can do that, too!

      2. Cheers for that yet I have in my head an all embracing letter content which I shall send as a pre-requisite to litigation. Bastards. Also, Expedia want me to write a review of the hotel – think I could manage that!

      3. Oh, did you contact Expedia to help you get the money back? They may actually help you. We stayed at a hotel once that smelled of paint and had carpenters in the next room pounding hammers all night. The hotel wouldn’t do anything about it, but Expedia got the room charge refunded and gave us vouchers to use Expedia again (for a different hotel).

      4. Interesting point you raise – with the hotel claiming that their card entry reader only showing that our entry cards were used I only have circumstantial evidence of theft. Basically they are saying we are mistaken (i.e. IPad was lost away from the hotel) or we are liars. The thing is we are 100% stating that it was in the room when we went to the wedding – Shirl didn’t want to take it to the wedding so it was left in the case! I shall give Expedia some thought though – Cheers for that.

      5. Yeah, it definitely can’t hurt to try them. Perhaps they may even pay if the hotel doesn’t, so they don’t get bad press form you. If I might add a suggestion, I’d let them as well as the hotel know that in this day of social media, it would be a nominal price for them to replace the item versus the bad publicity they may get if they don’t. And let them know you have proof you were in town for a wedding, you can verify a facebook update prior to the wedding which was uploaded with the ipad, and you have photos of yourselves at the wedding without the iPad and then also the police report which verifies the timeline of events. And if you were just making up the story to con them into a payment, you’d have claimed something of greater value such as jewelry.

      6. Thanks for those observations young Rachel. Your ideas do add flesh to my circumstantial skeleton of evidence (wow what a great title for a poem!).
        Right now I will wait to see the reply to the latest letter to the hotel then go to war – I already have evidence following a Google search that these card entry systems can be circumvented up my sleeve! Am off to take morning coffee now – have a jolly good kip and thanks once again for those ideas.

      7. Is there any new news from the hotel yet? Yes, indeed that would be a good poem title. But I have no doubt that by the time your experience is over, you’ll have a verse or skit about the whole thing in the works. Is there any more progress on the house? Is the moving date set yet?

      8. The hotel are ignoring us – so the review is going ahead. Am wondering if I need the stress of a fight – back in the day certainly I would but I might just write this off.
        House wise things are on the up – the chain is in place and if all goes well could be in the new place late December or January! We need to spend a good few quid to get it how we want it but should make a tidy profit on this place.

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