coat of arms

“I say Carruthers that really was a waste of our valuable drinking time, also a most unpleasant experience.”

“Certainly was old chum. I mean out of the kindness of our hearts we visit that old leftie type of the gentry, Lord Daniel Soz, 7th Earl of Whitechapel at his country pile to give him the heads up that that supposedly, nay arguably satirical rag of his is published in breach of The Official Secrets Act and what does he do? He has that gargantuan yob of a butler of his – didn’t catch his name – throw us orf the premises without such much as a word of thanks.”


“What?  Spar Co! Why on earth did you say that?  I mean what’s a chain of mediocre corner shops the great unwashed and other plebs favour got to do with what I’m talking about here?”

“No you don’t get my drift. Danny Sparko was the name of his butler.”

“Was it by Jove? Well, all I can say is that Lord Soz is welcome to the baseball bat wielding brute. Anyway what do you think he was on about when he said, with I might add an evil all-knowing smirk on his face, that we had a whistle-blower here at the Foreign Office.”

“Couldn’t make head or tail of that one myself.  I mean I told him that no employee is allowed a musical instrument on the premises even one as pathetically small as a whistle, and that it would be of little significance if they did – well apart from making the tea lady jump when blown.”

“Wasn’t that when he put his head in his hands and said, ‘God give me fucking strength, a mole then’?”

“Certainly was old chap, certainly was. Mind I told him straight that we do not, repeat do not, have small burrowing hairy mammals at the Foreign Office either.”

“Yes, that’s the point he advised us both to, ‘Fuck orf while you’ve still got knee caps,’ nodded at the butler and that was it, we took of our leave of, or perhaps more accurately were escorted from the establishment. The thing is we really do have to sort out his regular coverage in that damn magazine of his as to the daily comings and goings at the office.”

“True, plainly he will not listen to common-sense. We need a new plan old chap, personally I’ve always found that spark of inspiration for a strategy easier to find when partaking of a libation. You up for a swifty or three at the club?”

“Certainly am. By the way did you notice Lord Soz’s Coat of Arms – never seen the like of it before.”

“I did, most odd yet choose to ignore it. See you at the club then – Tiffany can hold the fort.”  

Should you so wish to have a read of the new ‘Carruthers & Chum’ tales of woe here are links to the mag;!foreign-muck/c13js!more-foreign-muck/c1jc6!even-more-foreign-muck/cjf9

More importantly though do take a look around while you are there. You’ll find great satire and humour written by writers who, unlike me can spell and spin a yarn. Once more I stress the online mag is entirely free from tedious advertisements and such like – it’s better than Viz!



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