I was the only Brit diplomat left

At the fall of Saigon, April 75

Thought it prudent to make a sharpish getaway

And escape whilst still alive


Just outside of the US Embassy

Amidst the panicking throng

A pretty young local girl approached me

Asked if she could tag along


She said, ‘Kind Sir, I will marry you

And be your hearts delight

If you can take me off to Blighty

For I’m in a state of great fright’


‘Crikey’ was my first thought

‘You’re so young and I’m so very old

And I score you 10 out of 10 my girl

If I may be so bold’


Yet ever the English gentleman

I felt it best if I did explain

‘Miss let me be quite honest

For I’ve no wish to cause you any pain


You see once I tell my story

One that brings with it little cheer

You maybe will think to change your mind

About me being your passport out of here


I suffer from many afflictions

Perhaps more than I’m able to count

First my back is in a state of ruin

So when making love it is you who will have to ‘mount’


And furthermore there’s my halitosis

It’s put off many a gal

And then my arthritic hands

Will do little for your wifely morale


Also I cannot raise one

Devoid of my vacuum pump

What with that and my wretched gout

Most girls think I am a chump


Additionally I am prone to wind

And of course you’ll have to put up with the pong

I belch, dribble and have a tic

Maybe you should just stay here in Saigon’


Having heard my woeful tale

She adjusted her delightful sarong

Thought about what she should do

Then uttered, ‘I’ll take my chances with the Viet Cong’


I often wonder what became of her

That stunning Vietnamese beauty

Still I’m not complaining

As her younger sister herself is a cutie


Who takes care of my every need

So no more am I so very alone

She collared me as her sibling left

Saying ‘Stuff her, get me out and back to your English home’


17 thoughts on “MY ROMANCE IN A TIME OF WAR!

    1. I tend to lean toward superglue, two ice lolly sticks and a liberal coating of Vaseline – of course the superglue aspect does present one or two problems when wearing the old Speedos down the swimming pool – more so since the wife painted out the ‘S’! Curse the woman.

      1. I used to know a Chinese fish and chip shop owner – bloody fine fellow as it happens – who used to say, ‘U wan fish and shit’ although I’m guessing you didn’t need to know that!

    1. Mail-Order wife! That sounds awful. It goes on over here – oddly I used to get instructions from a solicitor over here who did the self same thing. Perhaps it is a fetish among the legal types?

      1. Oh that’s creepy! This old guy is pretty crusty (in a bad way). When I used to have to schedule his dental appointments, his dentist’s office would ask me to make sure he brushed his teeth before he went! 😦 Ewwww!

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