“Fran Tic? Gosh I thought her name was Sheila…I mean I’ve been calling her Sheila for years. She must think me an idiot…I do wish you’d have corrected me before now.”
“No old chum she’s frantic as in ‘got her knickers in a twist’.”
“Oh it seem that that unsavoury Peer of the Realm, Lord Daniel Soz 7th Earl of Whitechapel has been up to his old tricks again and published a transcript of our little chat only last week about organising the office Christmas party…it’s all there in print, word for bleddy word.”
“The scoundrel, I really thought he’d stop being such a nuisance after we had words with him a while back. Anyway how on earth did he acquire said transcript?”
“How dare you speak to me like that! I shall not ‘FO’ as you so bluntly and cruelly I might add put it nor am I a ‘mole’ – I don’t know what possessed you to say such a thing.”
“No you’ve got me quite wrong…I meant we have a mole in the Foreign Office…as in a betrayer no less.”
“For pities sake man who is this Bette Rayer. Never heard of her.”
“No not a person…well yes a person sort of…more an informer leaking information from this very office. We shall have to put a stop to it directly.”
“What a morning I’m having…really cannot cope with all this confusion…if it’s not one person I’ve never heard of it’s a bleddy baker’s dozen. Tell me who this Di Rectly is and I’ll sack the bitch on the spot.”
“Crumbs I’m getting all in a muddle myself now…tell you what let’s pop orf to the club for a sharp’ner. I for one could use one.”
“What would you do with him then?”
“This Juan chappie you talk of…do trust you’re not bowling from the pavilion end these days. Oh bugger it, I’ll join at the club…just need to water the horse first.”
If that were not drivel enough I can report that the Christmas issue of the online SozSatire mag is out now and available at;
Within its pages you will find a host of characters plus the sheer lunacy of Danny Sparko (a particular favourite of mine; certainly one I wish I’d thought up) see;
And a splendid pop at the twat of twats namely Nigel Farage and his UKIP brigade;
plus, the Carruthers & Chum leaked transcript;
a host of others characters and stuff!
The ‘mag’ as ever is devoid of those awful advert things and is entirely ‘free’.
If you enjoy then you may care to like SozSatire on Facebook – the button thing for this is at the bottom of the page.