“So Bobby Bob Bob this is your lovely daughter who, this very day starts her career as a law enforcement officer.”
“Yes Sarg I’m ever so proud of the girl.”
“Well young lady you must be very excited and I must say that the sight of you in your new uniform fairly warms the cockles of my heart. You can call me ‘Sarg’ if you like……what’s your name?
“Roberta Bobby reporting for duty Sir…..er I mean Sarg.”
“Bobby Bob Bob may we have a private word……excuse us for a minute luv.”
MOMENTS LATER IN THE CORRIDOR BY THE VENDING MACHINE
“What’s up Sarg?”
“Your daughter’s name – that’s what’s up Bobby Bob Bob.”
“What do you mean Sarg? I’ve always thought Roberta a lovely name.”
“Not in this nick it isn’t. Don’t you get it Bobby Bob Bob the boys will christen her Bobby Bobbi Bob that’s for sure and what with you long since tagged Bobby Bob Bob it’s all going to get so very, very confusing. I mean this will be no way to run a constabulary – certainly not on my shift. You’ll have to get her name changed by Deed Poll mate.”
“Can’t do that Sarg the wife will go spare at the very thought of it – I’d go so far to say she’ll have my guts for garters.”
MEANWHILE BACK IN THE STAFF ROOM AT THE NICK ENTER WPC ROSALIND ROZZER aka ROZZER ROZZER ROZZER
“Hello luv you’re Bobby Bob Bob’s girl aren’t you? I’m known here as Rozzer Rozzer Rozzer what’s your name.”
“You’re having a laugh girl aren’t you? We’ll have to christen you Bobby Bobbi Bob methinks…..oi lads meet Bobby Bobbi Bob, daughter of Bobby Bob Bob……yes she is for real. Crikey best keep me big gob shut for I think I hear the unmistakable footsteps of Sarg….he is plainly approaching.”
“What’s Sarg’s real name Rozzer Rozzer Rozzer?”
“I’ll tell you but you must promise not to laugh though.”
“I promise not to Rozzer Rozzer Rozzer upon my life.”
“Well it’s William Oldbill.”
“Why’s that a secret then?”
“The thing is he can’t stand us calling him Old Bill Bill Oldbill – sends him insane when we call him that. Whatever you do never….not even just the once refer to him as Old Bill Bill Oldbill.”
ENTER SARG AND BOBBY BOB BOB
“Right then Bobby Bob Bob you can show Bobby Bobbi Bob around the nick….get her familiarized with the place……and you Rozzer Rozzer Rozzer can accompany them. How do you feel about that Bobby Bobbi Bob?”
“Just dandy Old Bill Bill Oldbill….whoops…….I mean Sarg.”
“I heard that Bobby Bobbi Bob…I’ll let you off just this once.”
AT THIS POINT THE TELEPHONE RINGS AT THE FRONT DESK WHICH IS FORTUNATE AS BOBBY BOBBI BOB AND HER ACCOMPANYING ENTOURAGE ARE PASSING BY FOR A CRIME HAS BEEN REPORTED! THE DESK SERGEANT BECKONS THE GROUP OVER.
“Bobby Bob Bob I have news of a crime of theft of any number of pairs of exotic ladies knickers from the lingerie section of at the Ann Summers Sex Shop on the High Street. Fortunately it has been caught on CCTV and from what I’ve been told the culprit is none other than Nicholas Nick.”
“Nicholas Nick the bastard. He’s only just out of prison and he’s at it again – when will he ever learn. Best give Old Bill Bill Oldbill the nod and let him know we are off out to arrest the thief known to one and all as Nick Knicker Knicker Nick.”
WITH OLD BILL BILL BILL DULY INFORMED, BOBBY BOB BOB, ROZZER ROZZER ROZZER, BOBBY BOBBI BOB TAKE OF THEIR LEAVE SO AS TO NICK KNICKER KNICKER NICK.
Meanwhile back in the station car park DC Dee Sea is having a fag out the back certain in the knowledge that her position in the force’s nickname ‘charts’ is bullet proof!