WOMEN WILL NEVER UNDERSTAND THE PAIN OF MAN

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A true tale of abject woe!

We are moving house any day now

And thus it was we thought

We’d shift out boxes from our attic

Full of books and things we ought

 

To have gifted to the charity shops

A long, long time ago

Yet regardless with the task now pressing

We both went to and fro

 

Toward the end of our endeavours

With me upon the landing stood

I heard my wife up in said attic

Asking if I could

 

Wait below while she shifted

Toward the old loft door

The final, largish crate of books

And at my leisure place them on the landings floor

 

I detected she was having trouble

For she was plainly bum shuffling along

And pushing with her petit feet

This final box and I thought that wrong

 

Still when I asked her if was heavy

She answered, ‘I don’t think so’

So I stood below at the ready

Not expecting that soon I would forego

 

The use of my right shoulder

And suffer awful pain

For when the box, with the help of gravity

Came my way I did strain

 

As Atlas himself likely did

When carrying our pristine globe

Though initially this box of books

Merely smacked me on my frontal lobe

 

However worse was to follow

What with the weight I held on high

For about my very person

Muscles snapped and that’s no lie

 

It is thus that I have not slept a wink

Since the agony began

Of course I have now told my lovely wife

Women will never understand the pain of man

 

Since the event she’s tried to tell me

That during child birth she suffered more

Than I do with my sinews frazzled

Moaning on and on as would a bore

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42 thoughts on “WOMEN WILL NEVER UNDERSTAND THE PAIN OF MAN

    • Me OK! Not a hope – I was just telling young Marissa that since she (i.e. my Shirley) dropped the British Library on me the pain has meant just 3 hours sleep in the last 48; Dr Hamster (well he had more the look of a mole about in reality) has given me silly strong tablets and told me I can’t have my evening glass (or two) of a worthy French red; every time I use the mouse thing I’m getting something akin to an electric shock up the bad arm into the wretched shoulder and tomorrow we exchange contracts on the property stuff meaning I’v tons of thing to do on the computer to do with the moving etc. Is there any hope! Also mentioned to Marissa the tale of Shirley and what she once did to me with a hair dryer – don’t know if you and I were following each other when I posted that tale – it was quite funny after the event!

    • Don’t I know it – we are just about to exchange contracts on the house sale/purchase which means I’ll be glued to the PC changing addresses and sorting out new broadband contracts/utilities and I can barely use the ‘mouse’ because of the pain, am on mega painkillers a evil quack just prescribed (saying I can’t have any red wine!) and have had 3 hours sleep in the last 48 hours. Boy am I in a good mood! All thanks to my beloved Shirl dropped a library on me. Were you following me when I posted some time back what she did to me with a hair dryer one time?

      • Oh goodness! You know Mike, when you put it in a humorous light, it’s hard to tell how bad the pain might be. Sorry you are suffering. No, don’t think I read the hair dryer one. Do you want to send me the link?

    • Same here! I hate the moving part of moving with a vengeance, plus the fact that we’re moving to a house that needs a few things ‘doing up’ and I hate that as well! It is little wonder she drops a thousand books on my head really.

    • Cheers. Said quack gave me pills that would knock out a horse so at least I’ve had some sleep. I shall now have to review everything I commented upon yesterday as I was on a different planet and haven’t a clue what I wrote! Thankfully she’s employed a strong young man to take over the attic duties and generally move things around pre the actual move – perhaps I could have worded ‘attic duties’ a bit better (sounds weird in a depraved way I hadn’t intended)!

    • I think I can say with certainty that she never lets me get bored. Gravely injured (I should compile a list and as I’ve said to others I shall dig the post and reblog it regarding what she did to me with a hairdryer one time) but never bored! In point of fact she makes me feel like the luckiest man alive.

  1. some good physiotherapy needed by the sound of it!…well some kind of therapy anyway…good luck with the move since we’ve just done that and it is painful in all sorts of places.

    • Brain therapy in my case! Still hurts though! At least you can now reflect on the move (bet you are glad it’s over) whereas I am dreading it still – and now it’s costing even more as Shirley has had to employ a muscular young chap to clear out the overloaded loft for the removal men really didn’t want that task – the only thing I’ll be lifting this side of March is a glass of fine red!

      • I since understand the young man has a delightful sister. I asked my wife if she thought the sister could tend to my every need (what with the inability to undertake simple tasks born of the injury). For some reason her riposte was a firm ‘no’ said with a frown of contempt. Where’s the fairness in that I ask myself!

  2. OMG! I’m sorry for your pain, but that is so funny! I was afraid where you were going with this was that she pushed the box over the edge on purpose to kill you and have the new house all to herself… or that she had locked you in the attic! 🙂 Feel better, my friend!

    • My shoulder is in ruins! Pain killers galore and now she employs at vast cost a young muscular man to shift what I cannot! Suits me as it happens as moving heavy boxes from point A to point B doesn’t really do it for me. I still hold her to account for that hair dryer incident also!

      • Best you don’t know about that – it was in a skit sometime back (true story mind). Terrible things that woman does to me. I shall be watching the young man like a hawk when he turns up this morning (well apart from when I’m at the dentist for a small filling that is)!

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