Turned out appropriately

Braving the nip in the air

Toted across the waters

On that irksome easterly, and

Sat in the walled garden of

The wannabe French café

Sipping a fine coffee

Taking a nicotine fix, plus

Studying form, in the form

Of the mandatory broadsheet

It was the trill chirrup of

The cocky cock sparrow

That broke the forenoon silence

Arrested my attention

Touting his gleeful news of

A brand new springtide


Took a little time

To get a visual

Worth the wait

An audacious chap

The cock sparrow

Belting out his melody

With zeal for any of

The lovely babe

Sparrows in earshot


Spellbound I watched and

Yearned, thinking all the time

If only I could discern

‘Sparrow’ lingo

I would get a handle

On his call for a mate,

The lyric to his sublime jazz


“Look here all you lovely girls

I offer you my nest

I made it especially for you

And in case you haven’t guessed


The breeding season beckons

And you know what that’s about

A good measure of hank panky

An end to the carnal drought


So come over to my place

I feel sure you’ll find it fun

Stay a while, hang out with me

The party’s just begun”


That my bird buddy

Gets a useful few

Weeks each year

To shag himself senseless

Made me envious,

Begrudging even


Back home and now

Firmly ensconced in

Man-made warmth

I could not help myself

Had to ask, just in case

My delicious Shirley

A question!


You see I thought

It a sound idea to

Spend the next month or so

Emulating the sparrow

Take to our bed or

Anywhere really

“I don’t mind where Shirl

Honest I don’t”

Yet was told firmly and

Unfairly, that the ironing

Must come first





27 thoughts on “AN END TO CARNAL DROUGHT

    1. She won’t even iron my socks – the times I’ve asked her to do that one small thing…well and a couple of other things as it happens! Always the same with her…self, self, self

  1. Oh goodness Mike, only you would take mating advise from a sparrow. Anyway, as for your envy, I was just reading a book last night that said there is only one sort of bird in which the male species actually has a penis. I can’t remember what type of bird it was, but that’s a bit besides the point.

      1. I’d swear I’ve seen birds…know I have…well you know…how shall I put it (as Mr Sparrow once might have said to his missus – there that’s my vulgar streak again). Feel free to throw up as MS the PI is now on the case. I shall report back with my findings in due course young Marissa!

  2. I must admit I have never used ironing as an excuse! That made me chuckle a whole lot and made we wonder – if a woman prefers ironing….well… 😀 I thoroughly enjoy your writing and thought this was a refreshingly fun read

    1. Cheers! I have a ‘pro the gals rule’ when knocking out a poem or a skit (it’s the only rule I have) whereby the gals must win or the chaps end up looking stupid (I am I must add rather stupid). In my own small way I like to think I’m doing something for equality twixt the sexes!

      1. Ah Sir, that little twist of the knife is not lost on me, but I am no feminist and see no reason for equality 😀 I do not wish to mow the lawn or service a vehicle or to prove that I can and therefore I am quite willing to surrender to the ‘weaker sex’ theory. I like to think I am doing something toward promoting the male ego (as god knows, it needs no stroking!) 😉 I predict many fun hours passed by reading your blog and even more by reading your replies to comments

      2. Good on you. Yet I still think (old socialist that I am) you gals get a shocking deal in the workplace even now in terms of pay in particular. Regardless, I have spent a lifetime adoring women (always loyal to my Shirl I stress) who’s company I prefer to us chaps any day of the week. I’ve always wanted a male ego by the way – I must one day write about my failures with women in my late adolescence and early adulthood for I was likely the greatest unsuccessful idiot there has ever been…that’s why I’d like a male ego for maybe just a day before I eventually snuff it! Have the most splendid day young lady!

      3. Oh you flatter me since young is something I have not been in about twenty years now. And yes, I agree (having socialist notions myself) that women have been done in a bit in the workplace. I do believe, however, that growing some balls and not sitting around waiting for better opportunities to be handed on a platter, might strengthen the female’s position over all. It is complaining and burning of braziers (and let’s face it, it was not the fault of the bra, but burning patriarchs is apparently illegal 🙂 ) that creates the stereotypes that make us seem incapable of handling the stresses of the world – and so the snake eats its tail… Until we speak again, have a lovely day

  3. Bwaaahaahaaa! Shirl didn’t tell you that Sven’s been helping her pack up the house while you write, did she? 😉 When you wrote “The cocky cock sparrow,” I thought for sure we’ve have another episode of Bobby Bobbi Bob the daughter of Bobby Bob Bob. (When, by the way, can we expect more on her?) Before that, I thought you perhaps were listening to Van Halen’s album For Unlawful Carnal Knowledge and the acronym of the title inspired you. Then when I got to the lyrics, which by the way, I loved, I thought you;d introduce a lyricist’s block. But no, you were not blocked at all! I see where Young Sir George gets his talent! 😀

    1. This was going to be a poem about a sparrow I was watching in the cafe that morning then it went a bit insane as the thought occurred to me that if humans had a breeding season life would be so simple. 2 maybe 3 months of nothing but sex then the rest of the year not being cursed by such desires! Paradise in my book. In the animal world breeding season have evolved around climate and available food sources thus giving the offspring the best chance of survival but what with all our man made heat and food availability humans don’t get to have them. I think the title came from Mr Sparrows song which to me sounded like a chap plainly looking forward to his springtime fun! Hope he gets a looker – or is that sexist?

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