ANITA SUGGESTION – THE BLUNDERING HYPNOSTIST

annorexia

Ding-a-ling…ding-a-ling…knock knock…knock knock

“Ah Miss Wrexia here for your 11AM appointment? Jolly good to see you once more. May I call you Anna?”

“Of course you may.”

“Then Anna it is…I do think keeping things informal helps with any treatment program. Now tell me how you have been getting along since our first session although I must say that you still look a tad undernourished to the extent I would observe – and if you don’t mind me saying so – I’ve seen more meat on a butcher’s pencil than you carry about you.”

“Well I think I feel a whole lot better about myself…I mean previously I’ve tried just about everything to get over this eating disorder of mine yet none of it, even the medications and therapies have worked at all. I am just so very pleased to have found a hypnotist such as you as I really do think I’m on the mend now.”

“How so?”

“Well in the past week I’ve managed to tuck away three green peas and a chicken nugget for supper each evening and I haven’t done that for a long time I can tell you.”

“That really isn’t a lot of food though Anna is it? You need something hot, hearty and of real substance inside you…”

“Pardon?”

“You must let me finish Anna…you really do need something hot, hearty and of real substance inside you if you are going to put on weight and recover from this obsession of yours. Are you still purging yourself with laxatives post eating as that really concerns me?”

“Well…”

“Truth now Anna.”

“Well yes you see I felt so very guilty about filling my face with so much grub.”

“Do you know what Anna I think today we shall concentrate upon the guilt aspect so get yourself all nice and comfy and we’ll get started, a little music to relax always helps in my book…let’s see…yes I’ve got it…some Meatloaf should do the trick.  Oh, almost forgot my husband Nigel might be fliting back and forth through my therapy room as he’s preparing our dinner and needs access to the vegetable plot in the garden…the curse of working from home yet it shouldn’t interfere with your treatment as once you’re under my spell…oh I am wicked saying that…it is only the suggestion of the spoken word you’ll absorb. So here we go as before using my swoony voice progressive relaxation technique. Ready?”

 “Yes.”

“Then let’s start…you’re beginning to feel so very, very sleepy and as I count back from 100 you will begin to fall into a deep trance…100…99…98…97…96…there your mind and body are entirely relaxed and I want you to think about a time when you didn’t feel guilty about eating…can you do that for me Anna…just nod gently if you can.”

WITH THAT ANNA WREXIA GOES INTO A DEEP TRANCE.  THE SESSION IS GOING SWIMMINGLY WELL WITH ANITA CONVINCED THAT ANNA WILL BE ON THE MEND AND PERHAPS BE THE PERFECT CASE STUDY FOR THE NEW BOOK ON HYPNOSIS SHE IS WRITING. JUST PRIOR TO BRINGING ANNA BACK FROM HER TRANCE HUSBAND NIGEL RETURNS FROM THE GARDEN WITH A BASKET OF FRESH VEGETABLES

“I say Anita what a fat cow she is…if I never see someone as morbidly obese as that beached whale lard arse it’ll be too soon…fucking fat as I don’t know what she is.”

“Who are you speaking of Nigel?”

“Oh that Anna ‘they could use her knickers for hang gliding’ whatever her name is over the back there…does she fucking drone on about scoffing this; eating that…it fairly gets on my tits it does.”

“Oh that Anna I thought you meant this…oh it doesn’t really matter…shush now and hurry along as I am with a client.”

WITH THAT NIGEL DEPARTS

“Now Anna I’m going to bring you round. I shall count down from 10 and you will feel awake and as fresh as daisy…10…9…8…7…open your eyes slowly…6…5…4…3…2…1 and wide awake now! How do you feel?”

“Not sure yet I still feel an anxiety about my body shape.”

“I think you’ll find that will pass soon enough. Right then I think one more treatment next week and you’ll be as right as rain.”

ANNA WREXIA DEPARTS; ENTER NIGEL

“You’ll never believe this darling.”

“What is that Nigel?”

“Well I popped out to the front garden for a swift fag and spotted that skeletal, all skin-and-bone girl you were just treating in floods of tears speaking to herself saying that she had never felt so fat and wretched in all her life as she did now. With that she lay down in the road in the path of a steamroller and is now as flat as a pancake and as our antipodean cousins might say, ‘as dead as a Dodo’s dick’.

“Crumbs what a terrible tragedy for I do believe she was really on the mend.”

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43 thoughts on “ANITA SUGGESTION – THE BLUNDERING HYPNOSTIST

    • I freely admit Anita will be worked to death…until people beg me to kill her off as they did with Jessica Downlow – The Suicidal Tree Hugging Poet…wish I hadn’t killed though as I rather liked her!

      • They are only about 6 months old – I shall repost them in a couple more months! I’d give you a link to them but can’t remember how to do it!

      • I’ve been thinking about other potential clients for Anita: Harry Bottoms who is rather hirsute, Claire Voyant, who believes she can see the future, Astra Baggage who suffers from a large derrière….

      • Brilliant – the scope is endless. I myself once attended a hypnotist when a tad depressed yet she was such a beautiful young gal I couldn’t get hypnotized! Others tell me she was marvelous at her job! Still a depressed old fool may end up one of Anita’s clients

      • A friend and I volunteered to go under at a Las Vegas show. I was feeling sleepy, very sleepy, but then my friend went under so deeply that he fell into the floor and awakened me. He ended up being the star of the show.

      • I’m not entirely convinced it works…I mean the only thing I’ve noticed since my session all those years ago is that I walk the streets naked (aside from wearing a trilby hat) and whistle God Save Then Queen all day long…nothing unusual really

      • If the truth be told many years ago I had a uncle – a former headmaster – who lost the plot (they’d call it dementia these days) and walked Kew Green naked save for his hat until the day they took him away! He wasn’t a blood relative though so there may be hope for me!

  1. To tell the truth, I never see yours or Marissa’s posts on Reader. I usually see them when I click on your direct links. Not to say they don’t appear but I never seem to encounter them…

    • Are they trying to tell me something at WordPress?…walks away utterly dejected and feeling unwanted…contemplates a visit to a hypnotist to overcome his woes

  2. Reblogged this on mikesteeden and commented:

    WordPress must be trying to tell me something! Posted this last evening yet it doesn’t appear in my ‘reader’ or that of some others I’ve checked with…it is thus I shall do the dreaded ‘reblog’!

  3. Mike, I rarely offer critiques on your writing but this time I feel compelled to act. The central character in this piece, Ms Anna, lacks dimension. I’ve never seen such a severe case of this in all of literature, in fact, you managed to pull of the impossible, a character who actually flattens out over the course of the piece.

    • Could this then be The Booker Prize for literature for moi? I shall not place a wager of course! Do you know that when we lived in the West Country we actually met a bloke who managed to get run over by a slow moving steam roller – not that they ever move that fast – he claimed the incident both ruined his eyesight and caused his heart condition. For our part we refrained from commenting upon his face…one that had the look of a bone china plate about it!

  4. Only you could pull this off!
    You are just such a talented writer.
    You make us think we are smart
    You make us smile even in drama
    Liar, inventor and amazing artist.
    Thank you for your presence in this web world.

  5. Bwaahaahaa! This was hilarious! I’m glad to see Anita’s back again, though Anna’s bumbled named was reminiscent of my dearly departed love, Carruthers…. Any word on when he might return?

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