NEWS OF THE FORTHCOMING GENERAL ELECTION REACHES THE FOREIGN OFFICE IN LONDON

keeler 1

“I say Carruthers I bumped into one of those awful tabloid journalist type chaps in the Press Gallery at the Commons last evening and he said quite the strangest thing you know.”

“What’s that then?”

“Well his exact words were, ‘I think this ballot come poll will see another Cat O’Lyst not unlike that Christine Keeler one back in 1963’ and then added, ‘If Milly Band cops the public vote we’ll see the return of Kay Oss’. What the devil do you think he was on about?”

“Tabloid you say…I’m guessing here he is in the employ of The Sun Newspaper then…am I right or am I right?”

“As ever Carruthers you are spot on.”

“Tits my friend! Tits, tits and more tits…it’s all those blighters from The Sun ever talk about and after all Ms Keeler had hers out more times than I’ve had hot dinners I recall. So then I’m thinking the infamous ‘Page Three’ here. Look my friend I suspect Milly Band to be one of those would be starlet gals who despite being talentless has a fine pair of ear muffs and has appeared on a television talent show but The Sun for whatever reason (likely she’s short changed in the banger department) do not wish to see her win whatever prize is on offer when the public have their say. In essence their preference would be this Cat O’List or indeed the other gal…what did you say she was called?”

“Oh, Kay Oss…yes that was her name.”

“Or Kay Oss then, for it’ll be a given that Kay Oss…bloody odd name that…and Cat O’Lyst are no doubt better endowed in the knocker region than this Milly Band and…this is the crucial part, no doubt The Sun will commission the victor to appear topless for them and as we all know the bigger the knockers on the gals posing thus on Page Three the more newspapers the plebs and the ruffians will buy…simple as that really.”

“Crumbs Carruthers you can be so very clever sometimes…insightful I might add…and there was me so confused and all in a dither about it.”

“Well now that that’s sorted I feel you and I should pop orf to the club for several small libations.”

“Sound plan.” 

 

To any overseas readers who may not be aware we have a general election here in the UK on Thursday. The ‘Milly Band’ I refer to is Ed Miliband, leader of the Labour Party!

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30 thoughts on “NEWS OF THE FORTHCOMING GENERAL ELECTION REACHES THE FOREIGN OFFICE IN LONDON

  1. Love it, Mike! As we are faced with voting for one of a collection of tits (by and large), I can’t help feeling that Carruthers is bang on the boob as per, and may even be showing a quite outstanding political prescience!

    • Cheers – page 3 of The Sun newspaper always has a topless girl. It’s been that way since it’s launch (a Murdoch rag it is) back in the late sixties I recall. Feminists for valid reason I guess hate it!

  2. Yes, once again, us ugly Americans are completely lost in the political goings on in the U. K. whereas I’ve no doubt that you are up on goings on all over the world…or maybe I should just speak for myself!

      • Well then I’ll be voting for him too! Yes, did you know that I was so cool that they let me vote in elections for countries in which I do not necessarily reside?

      • Well for a young lady known by one and all to be as pure as the driven snow I find it hardly surprising your reputation goes before you and you are able to cast your vote wherever and however you see fit…by the way if he does win he’ll not only bring the left back into power but also will be the first openly atheist PM we’ve had. The problem is a lot of people won’t vote for him because he’s classified as ‘ugly’ such is the way many are influenced by the media these days!

  3. Nothing like a good sex scandal to lively up politics. My personal favorite was Ms Fannie Fox, aka, the Argentinian Firecracker, who when caught drinking and driving with Congressman Wilbur Mills, the most powerful congressional leader of his time and 1972 presidential contender, dived into the Tidal Basin and breast-stroked into infamy.

  4. I would vote Milly Band for the fact alone that he would be the first openly atheist MP but for the fact I live in one of the marginals where voting Labour would be a wasted vote! Now I just have to decide whether to go with my heart or my head…..I don’t think I will make my mind up until I am in that booth!

    • Difficult one that…Labour have a smidgen of a chance here however. On my way to the cafe this very morning a ruffian type asked me if I’d be voting UKIP while trying to hand me a leaflet. Plainly my riposte was, ‘Not on your life pal’ although quite why I said ‘pal’ I cannot fathom. Whatever, best of luck tomorrow!

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