carruthers 2

“I say Carruthers it’s been so very long since we last did it I think I’ll need lubricant.” 

“Lou Bricant! Who the ruddy hell is Lou Bricant when he’s at home and why oh why Deidre would you need him…whomsoever the bastard is…am I not your husband…am I not capable of fulfilling even your more extravagant desires?” 

“What are you on about Carruthers? All I’m saying is that a little, or rather a lot I suppose, of lubricant in this thing of mine will, I just feel, will lessen the friction in this here delicate mechanism.  I mean it hasn’t been put to good use since the old King died has it?” 

“Don’t keep going on about that…you’re always badgering me to do that nasty thing and anyway it hasn’t been that long in my book…if you recall you made me do it the night we married and that was a mere 15 years ago I recall! Regardless I would feel most uncomfortable…less ‘manly’ if you like to have to do it again as a ménage et trois…you know, me, you and this blasted Lou Bricant fellow.” 

“For pity’s sake Carruthers you’ll be saying I can’t put that old vibrator to good use next.” 

“Crikey Deidre first you want us to do it with this Lou Bricant now you’re telling me you wish to invite another…a gal to boot…namely this aged one you speak of, Vi Brator around also…is there no end to your carnal perversions?  This is really all too much for me!” 

“Now look here Carruthers…listen and absorb what I have to say. Firstly that the revolving drum on that old cement mixer I inherited will not turn without lubricant. Secondly once we have laid the cement out as a base for our new patio we will need a concrete vibrator so that trapped air and excess water is released from the mix and the concrete settles firmly in place in the formwork.” 

“Oh dear, dear…I quite forgot we were laying a new patio today…what a relief! I mean I thought you were suggesting that dirty business of sexual intercourse in the company of others!” 

“I wish! No Carruthers…let’s take things one stage at a time…today is the day we start work on the patio!”



38 thoughts on “DEIDRE’S LUBRICANT!

    • My head unscrews…just a little fine claret lubricant and I’m off and running…’tis a little cottage industry the wife runs in her spare time – mind she’s had no takers to date despite extensive advertising, mainly by way of writing upon the walls of public conveniences. Best of luck Sir!

  1. Blimey! Indeed, a relief! Patio work is what it is.
    Clever names. I was laughing so hard here in the train. One looked at me funny. Prolly thought I’d lost it.

  2. BRILLIANT! This made me laugh so hard the other day when I read it (when I was not supposed to be reading such things) that I nearly got myself in trouble. BRAVO! ❤

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