‘YOU NEVER CLOSE YOUR EYES ANYMORE WHEN I KISS YOUR….SISTER’ – a case of lyricists block!

loving feeling 

Studio A of Gold Star Studios, Los Angeles 1964: Lyricist Cynthia Weil and her musician husband Barry Mann are ensconced in the studio debating how best to complete the lyric for the ballad, ‘You’ve Lost that Loving Feeling’ a song that one day will become an epic global hit for not only the original artists The Righteous Brothers but also the likes of Dionne Warwick, Cilla Black, Hall & Oates and many others. Outside the studio pacing the corridors and not best pleased at the delay is none other than Phil Spector who is chomping at the bit to set to work adding his ‘wall of sound’ touch to the songs final production. However poor Cynthia has what is known in the trade as ‘lyricists block’ for try as she may she cannot get that all important right word to finish off the first line of the lyric!

“Oh Barry honey I am 100% bolloxed as to how to finish the opening line to this sodding song ‘You’ve Lost that Loving Feeling’…it’s bloody ridiculous…you know I have the entire lyric composed…all I need is that one crucial word to that one vital line, plus I find it hard to think with a pissed off Phil pacing around outside…it’s getting on my tits if the truth be told.” 

“Well Cynthia my darling what have you got thus far then?” 

“It goes like this, ‘You never close your eyes anymore when I kiss your…’…..your ‘what’? I mean, for example would you stop closing your eyes if I kissed your ‘what’?” 

“My ‘what’! Hold up there for a second darling and whilst I am no expert in human anatomy I cannot say I have a ‘what’ about my personage. I mean I have kneecaps, ears, and a todger even but a ‘what’…can’t say I’ve heard of any adult male with a ‘what’.” 

“Good God honey you are such a fool…I didn’t mean ‘what’ as in an appendage named thus, merely used the word as a substitute for the word I’m seeking.” 

“Oh I get you now…um let me have a think…um…right I think I can help.  How about, ‘You never close your eyes anymore when I kiss your sister’…there that works. I mean if I kissed your sister you wouldn’t shut your eyes and ignore the goings on…in point of fact you’d likely go off into one and file for divorce…not that I have kissed your sister what with her being built like a brick shit house and all that.”

“Well that hardly typifies lost love…I have to point out that lost love is what this song is all about in case you’ve forgotten!”

A fierce knock as Phil Spector pops his head round the studio door and bellows, “Look you useless pair of toe rags I’m getting well and truly pissed off with you two fucking about finishing off this no doubt piss poor song of yours…just thought you’d like to know I’ve now taken the safety catch off this here .38 calibre Colt Cobra…I’m thinking here that that might help you both apply your minds to the problem.” With that Phil slams the door and carries on pacing about.

“Crikey darling that was a bit uncalled for, surely Phil knows we are doing our level best…anyway I think I’ve now got an absolute belter of an opening line for you…oh yes…oh yes…here we go, ‘You never close your eyes anymore when I kiss your arse.” 

“Kiss my arse! Really!” 

“Well only if you want me to…but no funny business…I mean if it’s a moment of unbridled lust you’re after I’m not sure I can manage that what with Phil toting his weapon in the corridor.” 

“Idiot!” 

“Well the ‘kiss your arse’ bit does reflect…in a magical way I think…unrequited love.” 

“Not in my book it doesn’t.” 

“Oh I don’t know then…‘when you kiss my…eyeballs, belly button, lug holes, nose, heart, lungs, liver and legs’…take you pick Cynthia.” 

“Rubbish the lot of them…its back to the drawing board for me then.” 

With that Phil, clutching a half drunk bottle of Jack Daniels staggers into the studio. “Oi Cynthia luv if you don’t knock out a swift lyric in the next 5 minutes I’ll put the barrel of me gun between Barry boys ‘lips’ and blow his brains out…got it!”  Phil totters away.

“I say Cynthia I really don’t fancy Phil’s weapon twixt my ‘lips’ one iota as it happens…between my ‘lips’…crumbs never heard the like of it…best you get on and finish this ruddy first line forthwith. ‘Lips’ indeed.” 

“Barry really do not go on so…now I’m stuck with the word ‘lips’ in my mind…it’s quite putting my off my composition!”

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42 thoughts on “‘YOU NEVER CLOSE YOUR EYES ANYMORE WHEN I KISS YOUR….SISTER’ – a case of lyricists block!

  1. …just thought you’d like to know I’ve now taken the safety catch off this here .38 calibre Colt Cobra…

    …and for this, good ole Phil claimed co-writer credit.

      1. I’ll rework it a tad…keep the disgusting bits in yet make sure the religious bits go. Did you know the bloke who wrote Amazing Grace was a slave owner (English of course) who sired many a child by his slave girls – the foul bastard – then goes on to write a hymn! Double standards or what!

      2. Scottish slave owners! Can you grow tobacco on peat? I’ll hear none of it for it was us English who globalized the cottage industry that was the slave trade…yet still we say ‘this once great nation’! ‘Great’ I don’t think!

      1. Cheers…I wear my EU flag badge upon the lapel most days and call myself not English or even British but ‘European’ – you can imagine the fun I had with UKIP followers during the election!

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