STAPLE MY TONGUE TO A GATE POST

tongue_by_chrissiecool

Staple my tongue to a gate post,

for it is my fatal flaw,

My tongue you see, talks instead of me,

and that’s not what it’s for

 

My tongue should obey only my command,

not let loose on its own,

My tongue should learn to be polite,

and never cause me to groan

 

We were comrades in arms once my tongue and I,

yet we had a falling out you see,

and now my tongue it doth decry,

all that I hold dear to me

 

It has become an unwelcome guest,

that tests my very sanity,

to the extent that on occasions,

it gives rise to profanity

 

My tongue used to be my virtue,

at no task would it scoff,

but now it just annoys me,

so I shall cut the bastard off!

 

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37 thoughts on “STAPLE MY TONGUE TO A GATE POST

    1. Where or where as our English summer drizzle gone? I have indeed searched out for my shorts yet am a tad concerned the gnats might bite…the wife is on her third shower of the day mind!

    1. I can now confirm that living almost at the top of a high-rise block of flats and opening the window wide – attracts gnats midges and other biting insects in, and then they have a feast on Inchy’s ankles and neck! Tsk!

      1. Top of the high-rise gnats are – this is a well known fact (Boris Johnson told me) a better class of gnat. As for these other ‘foreign’ insects plauging you I plainly cannot speak save to to say look East Sir, look East!

      2. Huh, illegally immigrated gnats eh? Taking some fly spray with me today to the flat – that’ll shake em up! On the other hand… perhaps I’ll have a talk to em first warning them of what they can catch from biting me? TTFN

    2. Well, better late than never as me old neighbour used to say. Actually what she said was “Better late than overcooked with too many chefs on half-day closing day”
      I liked her…

    1. Don’t I know it…just this very evening I was extolling the virtues of The Arsenal to a young Croatian gal who, as it turns out has been ‘Liverpoo’l since birth…funny old world

      1. It’s the fault of all those gals from Transylvania he vampirizes you know…the accents…oh the accents…sod it…cold shower time yet again!

  1. Who am I going to have to go to have hilariously awkward conversations about history and out of time characters strung through incidents upstaging their souls. ….. Still looking!! 🙂

      1. Hell what am I unleashing one the unsuspecting poor people ….. 🙂 I am not sorry 😉

      2. To this very day my quest goes on…thought I’d discovered it the one time in a bazaar in Casablanca. To my eternal disappointment it was but Bogart’s cigarette lighter…still I shall never give up…onwards and upwards I say!

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