“Oh Superman I’m so glad I found you.”

“What’s up Lois luv?”

“Well the boys on the news desk at the Daily Planet have been getting reports in that a massive asteroid the size of Metropolis itself is heading directly toward the Earth…worse still it’s made of deadly Putinite and as you know Putinite contains the virulent and lethal ‘Asinum Red Crudam…that’s Latin for a red raw arse by the way…Difficile’ bacteria. If the asteroid should strike then any survivors will all die of having the runs…you must save us Superman.”

“Right Lois I’ll be on the case in a jiffy…just got to pay a visit to the little boy’s room.”

“No time for that Superman…the asteroid will strike in just 5 minutes time.”

“Crikey Lois it’ll take me all of 5 minutes just to get out of my special Superman suit let alone have a jimmy riddle.”

“I’ve noticed that you’re always in the loo these days Superman.”

“Bit of a personal problem luv…the old prostate has enlarged a tad.”

“What a coincidence that bespectacled little twat news reporter Clark Kent back in office has that same problem.  I mean there’s a queue a mile long outside the gents there whenever he’s trying to squeeze out that last drip.”

“Does he by Jove…still that’s his problem. Look Lois me zips jammed you couldn’t give us hand could you luv?”

“If you think I’m going to unzip your fly you’ve got another think coming matey boy…I’m not that kind of gal!”

“No this bloody suit doesn’t have a regular fly, it zips right up the back and what with me hopping from foot to foot desperate as I am to point Percy at the porcelain I can’t do it meself.”

“Well I’ll try but you must understand the survival of the human race is in your hands Superman…right that’s budged it a cock…best you make a bolt for the khazi…and by my estimate there’s only a couple of minutes before the galactic collision.”


“Bollocks, couldn’t go…tried to force it…nothing! Ah well best I find a telephone box and take a quick spin so me Superman suit fits proper like.”

“No time Superman, I’ll zip you up no problemo.”

“Doesn’t work that way Lois…I have to do the spinney thing in a telephone box for the zip to go up.”

“Look there’s one over there…set to it Superman…only 45 seconds to oblivion now.”

“Right Lois leave it to me I’ll just have a swift knee dash over to the telephone box and all will be well…having said that I’ve just been consumed by the overwhelming urge to have a tinkle again.”




    1. Ah my ‘looking miserable a sin’ snap! Walmer Castle no less where Wellington lived…the balls are/were for aiming at the French! Still today I have learnt the collective noun for balls! Cheers for imparting that.

  1. Yes, one does have to think about the continual conundrum of the superhero having to go to the bathroom in those ridiculous get ups, especially nearing old age. Perhaps a diaper soon?

    1. Even Superman must age…a while back I recall writing up a Supergirl tale with her suffering from early onset menopause…I must reblog that one one day for it was one of the very few that made my chuckle when I wrote it.

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