THE LUNACY OF BEING

carruthers 3

“I say Carruthers darling you know Adele don’t you?”

“A ‘Del’…um…that would be a Derek by any other name wouldn’t it? Don’t think I do as it happens Deidre…I mean I know a Harry, went to school with more than one Brian and then there’s Percy the landlord at the Three Sheep & Covert Periscope…but a ‘Del’ I have never encountered…although thinking about it there is that famous actress with the big knockers (excuse my French) called Bo Derek, not that I’ve ever had the good fortune to come across her, besides Derek is her surname.”

“God give me strength. I am talking about the internationally famous singer Adele…you must know of her…a largish girl with an amazing voice. Anyway I wanted to talk to you about her CD.”

“Oh do finish the sentence will you…her ‘seedy’ what?”

“Idiot! CD stands for compact disc…it’s your mother’s birthday on Sunday next and I thought we’d get her Adele’s new CD as a small gift…I’m sure she likes her music.”

“Buggered if I know yet I suppose we have to give her something so it may just as well be this Adele thingy.”

“Also Carruthers do you not think it would be good form to take her out on her birthday?”

“Pardon…did you say ‘take her out’…I mean I realise the pair of you rarely see eye to eye yet to have the poor old dear assassinated on her special day is a bit strong in my book…besides it’s illegal.”

“Oh Carruthers you can be so trying at times…I meant take her out to dinner…a birthday treat.”

“Ah I see what you mean now.”

“Seafood.”

“No…just the teapot and milk jug on our breakfast table thus far…can’t ‘see food’ at all although I suspect young Svetlana will be bringing our breakfast in any minute now…I spotted her in the kitchen earlier frying up our fodder although she did mention that she thought my banger was a bit of a mouthful.”

“Surely even to you it must be obvious that I meant a seafood restaurant! You cannot have forgotten that your mother likes nothing better than to get her lips around a bit of Halibut.”

“She never does…bloody cheek of it implying that she has ever done such a thing with this ‘Hal Ibut’ chappie…whomsoever he may be!”

“Halibut is a type of fish Carruthers…your mum’s favourite.”

“Oh.”

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29 thoughts on “THE LUNACY OF BEING

    1. Laughing on the office…bad form young lady! Mind there’s nothing wrong with being insane…I’ve been insane ever since my mother spoon fed me earwig soup…true that is yet in fairness it was an accident…the downside? She didn’t notice; I ate it! It is little wonder I’ve long since not eaten anything that has a face! Good fortune be upon you.

    1. You do realize Carruthers is me by any other name…you see I really am an idiot. I got the Adele idea when an old friend was asking me if (knowing I’m not very knowledgeable about pop music) if I knew of Adele!

  1. Your mind is always somewhere else that you can’t think straight. Sounds like what I’d say whenever a topic one’s going I’d rather not talk about. Or just my usual self – hard of hearing. Hard of noggin
    😛

    1. That my mind is always somewhere else is certainly true…Shirl bring me my ‘bow of burning gold, bring me my arrows of desire’…no on second thoughts I’ll have my old club hammer.

  2. I love the phrase “Looney Bin” myself, and many people think it is the name of my house. As for Adele, what is not to love about her amazing voice. I love all the misunderstandings and double entendres. Reminds me of those “Carry On” films 🙂

    1. As looney bins go you should have heard my going mad at The Arsenal perched upon my chair with knackered parts watching the game on the telly! The Arsenal owe me for the mental and physical pain they put me through…my how the wife laughed…that we won irrelevant we still played rubbish!

      1. Shant click like as it would be both inappropriate and disrespectful yet I agree…he has broken up Ferguson’s team rather than just do a bit of sensible tinkering…it may come good and we will be back to the days when money didn’t buy titles yet I doubt it…City have a sizable deposit down on this years title…as for Chelsea, long may crap football last! As an Arsenal fan watching the demise of Fabregas has been my only joy thus far this season.

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