JACK FROST’S SHOWTIME (renamed ‘The Tree Fetish’)

tree winter

When, having danced again
old fruitions fervid cavort of
The Ten Thousand Leaves
the now ripened boscage
harem is laid all but bare
what little modesty afforded
the sweet things, just the
tightest fitting skirts of cheap
evergreen self-supporting ivy,
then finally, and at great expense
Jack Frost’s ShowTime has arrived

The tantrum Sun having fled
south cursing lost possibilities
knows not what he is missing
not so the Sultan Owl or the
voyeur Crow, both shuddering
at the thought of the clamour
for prized faux fur cloaks made
of neat snow come curtain fall!

Enter my dear wife peering over my shoulder, “That’s either the most pretentious piece of rubbish you’ve ever written or you have a tree fetish”

“Pretentious it may be yet I can inform you I categorically do not have a tree fetish”

“Bet you do…I mean you’re always wearing green jumpers, t-shirts and you have green socks on”

“What’s that got to do with the price of eggs? Look let’s be clear…not even in the darkest recesses of my mind is there a tiny part of me that feels compelled to shag a tree…is that plain enough? Anyway I’m off out”

“Where you going then…the Pinetum I’ll wager?”

“No La Salle Verte for a coffee as it happens”

“La Salle Verte…The Green Room by any other name! And they’ve got pictures of trees on the wall…bet you salivate looking at them. Weirdo…anyway there’s a nice horse chestnut on the walk down, hope you can contain your sick desires”

“For fuck’s sake I just want a cup of coffee and a read of the papers”

“The papers are made from trees as well”


“Can I come?”

“Suppose so”


24 thoughts on “JACK FROST’S SHOWTIME (renamed ‘The Tree Fetish’)

    1. Ah snow! Not until the wind from the east blows in from Mother Russia…then it will snow (16 degrees today). Strong wind, most excellent coffee…France just 20 miles away showed herself.

      1. She needs little assistance in that regard when the mood takes! Worryingly her tannin allergy which has meant she cannot drink from my collection of red wines without coming out in massive red lumps seems to have now abated…she was eyeing up my Pinotage just last evening…oh no!

  1. I was reading this earlier when my children so rudely interrupted me…nasty little buggers. I think I was on to saying something about you being one of the only people who could make trees sound like whores.

  2. Funny, you know in Philippine culture, when one says, “You’re green” it means that you are perceived as being sensual. Unlike in British lingo, it means being gullible, right?

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