“My, what have you there young Leonardo?”

“Oh this pater? In short it is a flamethrower that I have just invented. I take the view that it may not just speed up the process of cooking yet will I believe come in most useful in times of war. In point of fact as soon as the idea for construction of this brainchild of a contraption struck me I put both the project of manned flight and I might add my idea for a hamster’s treadmill on the back burner. Mind you, the concept of a microwaveable apparatus is formulating in my mind even as I speak.”

“The thing is Leonardo that by the looks of it it has the appearance of a thing that might just be a tad safer in the hands of an adult.”

“Well pater, that is exactly what mater said earlier whilst you were about your duties in town. Unfortunately when testing the flamethrower I took out her herbaceous borders and she was none too pleased I can tell you.”

“And where is mater now?”

“Ah, mater is quite safe I believe, for in order to calm her I made her a cup of another of my new ideas, namely a holistic infusion of Senokot herbal tea. In truth I may have fortified her vessel with a pinch too much Senna for, presently she sits in the lavvy with the door shut muttering, ‘God help me.’ Do hope mater pulls through.”

“Leonardo, in which of our multiplicity of lavvy’s is mater sat?”

“Oh, one of the outside ones – indeed that very one by the gazebo there.”

“What the one you are pointing your flamethrower at?”

“Yes that one – whoops. Oh dear a combination of flame I accidentally threw her way and mater’s gaseous bottom emissions have proven to be the end of her. Hell of an explosion though! Still I have had an idea buzzing about in my head for some little time now for a new-fangled reincarnation device. Best get to work then pater. Catch up with you over tiffin.”




      1. They still blame me for inventing the cigarette…am under the cosh right now inventing words for young George’s (aka Leonardo) website…he reckons I’ll do it better than him yet I still cannot get my head round his dream save for he’s going to be cheaper than the competition…my brain hurts Ms S!

      1. It worked out brilliantly, the words flowed for the lad…Lord knows why he didn’t want to do it himself. ‘But you’ve run a business, you know about marketing’ says he. I know nothing about marketing as it happens. Whatever, the week has evolved splendidly thus far…even ordered a motor to be made in Rumania by the French thus keeping up my micro protest, and my Scottish Smoked Salmon pate (my new addiction) is superb…10/10…providing I don’t fall off the cliffs on my afternoon walk I shall be spinning yarns on the old keyboard before tea time…THUD, Air Ambulance on its way!

      2. You just triggered a memory from long ago there…up on Richmond Hill, near the gates of Richmond Park there was/maybe still is, a pub selling only Scottish ale. Think it was called The Roebuck…I shall go and research!

  1. hijinx doth abound when one irrepressible polymath writes of another – brings instantly to mind the non-fictional lads I once knew who would set about lighting their farts with their zippos

    1. I know the UK fart lighting champion…or perhaps I should say ‘knew’ the man he once was for he is on crutches long since (true, by the way)! Should have been wearing cotton, instead of man-made material underpants!

    1. I’ll have you know I took that snap myself when travelling back in time in order to check out what Leonardo was getting up to, young lady! I believe it is the only authentic snap of him as a boy in existence. Thinking about it I did write a follow-up piece regarding his invention of the light saber…it gets worse!

  2. Just imagined a children book with the Leonardo-type sketches of the devices… Very edifying, and hilarious 🙂 Sorry I am so late with visiting your blog. We have too much of everything going on here… Two toddlers and the baby give us all a hard time…

    1. Never apologize…two toddlers, hard work indeed but fun to watch and listen to I find…we, Shirl and I love kids, have 5 grandchildren. Great to see yet pleasing that we are not charged with the full parental duty of care…in some ways that makes grandchildren more fun than the ones we had to bring up 24/7!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s