“Pater would you mind terribly grabbing hold of the end of this please?” 

“First Leonardo pray tell what it is if I may be so bold as to ask?” 

“Oh this is merely one of my new inventions I’m working on, namely a lightsabre. The reason I ask you to clasp it thus is that presently, and despite much thought, I am at odds with myself as to its very purpose no less.” 

“So then Leonardo, you merely wish that I grab the light beam you hold out before me?  It is just a ray of fluorescent coloured ‘light’ then – I cannot see too much harm in that. OK I shall. Here we go…” 

“Cripes pater it seems that I was afflicted with a mild, unaccountable twitch just at the very moment you took to hold the end of my lightsabre and I have, albeit by accident you will understand, severed your right hand – most neatly I might add – leaving you with nothing more than a stump spouting a veritable fountain of blood. Swift action needs be taken as I suspect you will be off to meet your maker in just a few moments.” 

“Leonardo I fear I am a goner son – have you any magic tricks up your sleeve?” 

“Well, pater I have long since been working on ideas for a food freezing unit which will, I surmise, be a necessity for freezing, thus preserving said right hand prior to reattachment to said stump, as well as penning a pamphlet aimed at medical surgeons on the means and potential benefits of micro-surgery, a positive necessity for the process of reattachment generally, and of course, specifically in this unfortunate instance. However, I suspect that without a tourniquet to hand…no pun intended dear pater…to stem the bleed there is little that can be done to save you. You see such a thing as a tourniquet is not even a work in progress at this time. Sorry about that pater.”  

“I had so many manuscripts to pen today…now this. Farewell Leonardo.” 

“Dash rotten luck pater.” 

Young Leonardo’s previous invention, a ‘flamethrower’ was posted last week at;



    1. I’ve been wondering if young Leonardo invented Scottish Smoked Salmon pate as my addiction is getting stronger by the day! How are you by the way? Seems an age since I asked.

      1. Surviving Mike!!! Surviving. In the throes of weddings and sorting our mortgage for hopefully the last time. Do not get me started on that one. How are you? Feeling back to your usual self—note I do not say normal.(Hee hee) Glad you are still writing away, that smoked salmon pate must be giving you inspiration. You must be keeping us all up here the amount you are buying xx

      2. Me? OK, alarmingly so…the black dog of Brexit has gone off to feed elsewhere hence my mood is good again…even smiled when the chubby young bird down the garage called me her ‘lovely’, complimented me on my regrown pony tail then added, ‘I wish my granddad was like you’! Cheek of it…guess if she had said ‘great granddad’ it would have been worse. The words are flowing well right now…although reviewing bits and pieces this morning I realized I have written one chunk in first person/current and another in first person/past…more work, but I guess I’ll just have to decide whether current or past works best! This sort of thing can’t happen in poems and skits…you writers, as I’ve said previous, have a much, much harder task than the rest of us…that is for sure!

      3. Mike, the thing is it is written, it is easy to change the tense. Giggle re the chubby lass. Cheek of it indeed. sure she will find her way into a poem or tenxxxxxx

    1. damn keyboard!
      anyway, there’s something very unique about the British mentality and the ability to say “Dash rotten luck.” Of course, Wisconsin’s got its own hard rocks, too. I’ll never forget this story from the 90s about a farmer who didn’t turn off his manure spreader while fixing a mechanism, and somehow fell in. He lost his clothes and…wait for it…his testicles. He FINISHED SPREADING, went home, and was going to drive himself to the hospital. His family had to MAKE him wait for an ambulance.

      1. A bit like Monty Python’s ‘It’s only a flesh wound’ skit! Having said that I did read years back of an American who had his surgically removed in order that he could spend his live enjoying his fishing and not have women on his mind any longer…if I recall correctly the chap had had 6 wives over the years, thus 6 divorce settlements and could take it no more…bit drastic in my book, I must admit!

      2. Yowza, extreme is right! But then, he is the one who agreed to marry six women. And only a fool does the same thing over and over expecting a different result…maybe that 6th one made losing a pound of flesh an easy price to pay. Sheesh, I can only imagine what THAT viper was like….

  1. Too incredibly funny! My mind keeps flipping back to “life of Brian”. I have been missing your posts, not in my reader or mail. I think I have solved the issue by re following you dear Mike.

    1. Thankfully G’s idea for a mini, beach type mooring submarine to traffic lost souls across The Channel came to nothing. The fatal floor in his theory was that mini submarine would only take the pilot and one passenger per trip!

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