As of about now I shall be away from my blog spoiling my dear wife, Shirl. I estimate that by the end of June she will likely tire of such indulgence. In the meantime, I leave you with a dose of refined lunacy and wish one and all the very best of good fortune.


In the Twilight Days of Forbidden Smiles, when rarely sober, inevitably beer bellied, polished cranium torturers wearing just decaying leather aprons, more often than not lied, suggesting of a quivering tethered scapegoat that he or she would do well to, “Make it easy on yourself and confess” the hearts and minds of inspired blacksmiths and simple God-fearing commoners knew little of the dark future, even less of the darker past.

“Gift me tonight as a dream without a scream and you’ll be free of me come tomorrow” begged the brother of the dozen lepers.  He, the one who had lost his acned youth to miraculous abrasions, malt whiskey and a portly yet adorable girl named Cuckoo Alice. Alice, the one who was allergic to peanuts, was immune to daylight, inventions of purpose and supposedly motivational Dutch uncle’s rhetoric.

Unspoiled, she of blameless nocturnal fame most times wore a courageously meagre leopard skin skirt, faux white leather thigh high, high heeled boots. Fishnets on weekends and public holidays a must. The blind spouseless and the ‘in-denial’ clergy treasured Alice’s company. She tolerated theirs.

Upon a final lamentably overdue deliberation, it is said a mythical Pope dying of salivation offered up prayer that Alice might find it within herself to kiss him bon voyage, all the time overlooking the stark fact that she was, always had been, uninclined to pucker up.

Come the dreadful day when nothing mattered anymore, some still carried on promenading the parallels of latitudes, a habit befitting of the damned. Alice who had always believed rainbows defined infinity, and unlike the brother of a dozen lepers, must never be overlooked, even when the skies were empty of clouds for years on end. Notwithstanding, that brother of a dozen lepers had always presumed his own afterlife would be unmolested if he concentrated just upon strutting the edges of the fiery craters.

Those were the crazy days when instead of meandering in mystified flocks, black sheep especially, hunted down lethargic lions, thus giving the lionesses and their litter of cutest cubs a little space within which to relax. Crazy days they might have been, yet to those who remember queuing for fresh air and branding irons, they were the glorious times of adequate anarchy upon an effervescent Earth.

To enhance the absurdity of this jigsaw short of a few pieces, I feel compelled to add Kevin Ayres song, ‘Joy of a Toy’. A long-time personal favourite of mine.


47 thoughts on “CUCKOO ALICE

  1. I hope you have a brilliant break and you and your wife have a great holiday. I am sitting here watching the news after the UK elections and I must admit I have the hint of a smile on my face. One of the things which lifts my morale in difficult circumstances is that, when I wake up in the morning, the face of Theresa May is not on the opposite pillow. You are in a much more positive situation in your personal circumstances and I am very pleased for you 🙂

    1. Cheers, Peter. There is a certain ‘greatness’ about this mess…it is, after all what we deserve. It matters not what side of the fence people may be on, after the glorious debacle of yesterday we shall find decisions made will be scrutinized. A massive May majority would have given her and the likes of Boris a free hand to do as they pleased. My next hope is that they are daft enough to give said Boris the top job.

  2. Crazy days they might have been – and crazy days they are – what to make of the UK elections? – I’m confused (and, needless to say, parliamentarily ignorant)

    1. Thank goodness you commented. I have just visited your blog and discovered to recent posts my email ignored. I am so glad I did not miss these. Well, we have a mess here in the UK; we are the laughing stock of Europe (nothing less than we deserve) yet as for me…for once I’m rather happy.

    1. We shall leave trouble behind in the safe knowledge that The Left are back, they may not have won, but their voice must now be heard. The meek have, at last some hope. What a fine election it was. I’ll lay odds that if the US could roll back time, Bernie – how I wish he was British – would come out on top.

      1. In politics all I’ve ever cared about is that the weak are protected by the strong; the poor are protected by the rich. It should be so, so simple, yet the rich just want to get richer; the strong stronger.

      2. We live in a world where no one cares for the weak, the broke, the challenged, the old…unless, of course they’re prepared, or are able to pay. In a nutshell, that’s why…love or hate me…I’m a Socialist.

      1. Indeed! And regular words can be so dull at times. What we need is regular lunacy…or luna…um..lunacular regularity…lunacissitude? Ugh, these suffixes!

      2. Ms Lee. I must thank you for the coffee. Most appreciated. Right now it is medicinal coffee as I’ve rather damaged myself. Just prior to leaving France I managed to have an altercation with a granite stone floor and am, in colloquial English, ‘knackered’. My swollen eye is now jet black I have horizontal octopus ink floaters streaming across my left eye and my entire body feels like I’ve taken a major kicking from a team of muggers. In short, age has finally caught up with this old fool. I need to regenerate, urgently.

      3. Oh no! Atheist you may be, but I’ll still pray for a complete recovery. Keep resting, imagining, feeling the world with your other senses. My hopes and thoughts are with you. xxxxxx

      4. Atheist, Believer we are all one and the same Ms Lee for both of us are caring. ‘Tis just the largely unimportant end game we view differently. My thanks for your kind words. My brain doesn’t half hurt.

  3. Have a wonderful time away. After so much trump-foolery it is refreshing to read your take on the UK election. I heartily agree about the strong and well-off supporting the weak and impoverished. Well said.

    1. Presently I am banned from my PC, yet my dear wife sleeps and Paris is for the morn. I just had to reply and thank you for matching my stance on both the strong and the weak. It is probably the only thing that could/might save humanity. My sincere thanks, once again.

  4. Don’t know how I missed this one. may have been one of the tiems my reader would not load although I usually nip round my favs when that happens. Anyway, great post and hope you are feeling better xx

    1. Thanks for your kind wishes, Ms S. I’ve outshone myself on the ‘accident’ front this time, except this time without my usual panache. Previously, I have managed to fall down a flight of stairs naked and survive relatively unharmed; I’ve collapsed in a heap following an excursion into rarefied air over a mile high in The Pyrenees, yet only after suggesting to my dear wife she lie in the snow in order that we might join The Mile High Club without having to be in an aeroplane (she refused my kind offer, I must stress); I’ve even destroyed the quad muscles in my left leg attempting to serve High Court Writ upon an internationally known fraudster in the palatial grounds of his mansion overlooking The Dart estuary while ‘he’ was belting out operatic songs several floors up and many more accidents all with that all-important panache. Not this time! Just an old fool headbutting a solid, granite stone floor and coming off worse. I have damaged myself and feel wretched, yet without that all-important style of previous escapades. The shame of it!

  5. Oh God Mike, having acted all week on a granite floor you have my sympathies. The shame of nothing. So long as you are ok xxxxxxxx Love that story about the writ by the way

    1. I think I had concussion on top of ending up a multi-coloured bruised specimen of dubious humanity. I just need to get the vision in the left eye sorted out. At least I can remember who I am now! I’m still angry that my fight with the floor lacked that ‘certain something’. I shall try and read a few more blogs today.

  6. Oh dear, I heard you got hurt in France from George. I hope you are healing up! I love this little story but I got a bit lost near the end, but maybe that was supposed to happen, like a little labyrinth to get lost in.

    We went away as well, to NY to see family. It was a good trip, though we spent more with family and less on the sights. Next time the museums

    Be well!

    1. Sounds like you had a good time…a good thing. And thanks for the message. I am prone to accidents, yet with this fight with the floor (one I comprehensively lost) I find myself a little peeved that it lacked my usual panache. For example, last year in the middle of the night, quite sober I must add, I fell a whole flight of stairs. Dear Shirl found me unconscious and naked at the bottom. In her wisdom and prior to calling the emergency services she saw fit to cover my ‘parts’ with just a tea towel! That, upon reflection had style, as have all my previous accidents. This one was pathetic. Still, at least the bruising has started to fade a little. I can now remember who I am and should be OK as soon as I can get vision out of the left eye. I shall try and read some blogs today – she won’t let me do much else presently! Have a great day, Mike

      1. It is a good thing you have your sense of humour to get you by in rough times. Pretty worrisome, losing your site like that, bet you scared your wife good. I hope you heal up quick. I need a fix of one of your new stories, though I am enjoying your book of poetry very much.

        For me the hard part of our trip was that I haven’t taken a long road trip in a few years, and I have a problem with fatigue. So I had to lower my pride and let him take over at the wheel, when I usually am the one to do most of the driving. Well, also because I love it. I just got too tired and it was unthinkable that I might get us in an accident and hurt us or someone else.

        A tea towel? That’s very poetic. I imagine a limerick, a’la Ogden Nash

  7. Comment: Last nite i had a ,well i dnt know what it was but every worry,panic,fear,and negitive thought actually dissapeared.i am sober now 14 mnths tho still i didnt deep dwn feel any happyier, all the progress and improvements in my life to me have been easy too do as to me they were a necesity so i just done tho ppl say i have so much srength and willpower.i dnt feel happy or get excited bout shit all. I have been doing a blog last few mnths and my writing amazes pplbut still until last nite nothing felt any differant really. I am not any good with this computer lark and luckly threw facebook some american lady set up a page for me and is a english teacher so without changin my word edits all my writing and keeps my blog page good.but sitting here now scared to think to much about my expereience last nite incase it goes away that feeling were the world just made sense i i try to work it all out i just typed wat happen in short to google and this page came up so who ever you are there you go. I would just like 1 opinion about my experience from sumone….i am 43 yr old male frm a tough background in belfast n.ireland and i actually cried my eyes out at this experience ,i hope u get this email and write back.i will leave you my blog page so u can share on and know me a bit more… sitting here hoping to god that this feeling has not gone….thank you for listening…… my log page is darren graham.

    1. I don’t know what to say, Darren. You plainly have a story to tell; one that’s worthwhile without a doubt. I just followed your blog and that should give an insight to your comment. Thanks for getting in touch, Mike

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