GUARANTEED CURE FOR INSOMNIA

mike black eye2
Having taken a much needed holiday, my intention was to return to blogging a few days ago. In the event I was waylaid along the way. The offer of an insomnia cure was just too good an opportunity to miss. That I accepted said cure demanded I fight a polished granite floor, perhaps an error on my part. Above, a snap of one of the physical effects of comprehensively losing the fight. My dear Shirl has an extensive portfolio of additional snaps (a little too graphic to post, although the one of the hip joint holds a special place in her heart) as to my additional injuries.
However, all seems to be on the mend, save for the fact my vision is a tad skewwhiff still. At least I now remember who I am.
Yours,
Scott of the Antarctic

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87 thoughts on “GUARANTEED CURE FOR INSOMNIA

    1. She is a formidable woman, Ms S. I intend to steal her photo’s of this incident and those of my previous tumbles and present them to the divorce courts as clear evidence as to her nasty habit of husband beating.

  1. Not nice. Strangely I actually had something like it in 2011 and blogged about the incident. Strangely, although I fell backwards and banged the back of my head, I ended up with two black eyes although the doctor with his “Inside knowledge” ( ha ha ha ) assured me there had been no internal bleeding so the blood must have been transported by some other means. I had pretty bad concussion. If you in the same circumstances, just take it easy and, more sadly, lay off the beer.

    1. Cheers, Peter. The incident occurred on the last night in France. It was thus, given the long drive to follow the next day, I was not the worse for drink…I somehow wish I could blame it on over-indulgence! A week on and I’m feeling a tad on the mend. Concussion is the strangest thing, almost a creative state of being.

      1. I felt I was walking on a water bed and could only move very carefully. The worst symptoms lasted about a week and then I returned to somewhere near normalcy, although that remains a subject of debate in the Duck fraternity

      2. My best tumble was a year or so back. A 3am (entirely sober, I stress) a naked fall down a full flight of stairs. Upon hearing the crash, the missus apparently rushed to see what had happened. Seeing me sparko, perhaps dead in the hallway she had the foresight to cover my crucial bits with a teacloth (? cheek of it) before dialling 999. All this time gone, the scars of that one remain!

  2. Hey, think it as only the first round. Don’t accept defeat and take another whack at the floor…. but perhaps with a boot rather than your head.

    Heal quickly, my friend.

  3. Welcome back to the land of the living! I wondered where you were and had no idea you had taken a club med holiday. Here’s to you not only being well on the mend but happier than you have been thus far! 🙂

    1. Cheers, young Ms Aben. In the event a more ‘clubbing’ of self holiday rather than a club med. Today, I managed a game of table tennis using just the one good eye…I lost, then again I’m 114 years old.

    1. Ah, I’m glad you found me. I’m still not getting your posts in my Reader! I did a search for House of Heart and nothing came up. I have some reading to do in order to catch up. I think I am fine’ish now. Thanks for your concern.

      1. My website is here: houseofheartweb.wordpress.com. I will come up if you enter me in your browser. You are appearing in my mail. I am so glad to find you there.

      2. Now that’s interesting. Search that website on WP it comes up as ‘no results’ whereas put it in Google and ‘bingo’ there you are. I’ll keep a note of the website address and make regular checks. Weird though!

      3. I did try to unfollow you in order to follow straight after, hoping that might reset the process, yet on your website it wouldn’t react to me pressing the ‘unfollow’ – that might be the heart of the issue? Have a great 4th July, by the way.

      4. Best keep your hands attached to your wrists, I find. WP went down completely for a couple of hours in these parts today. Zilch but a white screen.

      5. I’ve a feeling they may. Slower, perhaps than some would anticipate, yet in the knowledge they could wreck the regime with a click of their fingers. I watched a documentary recently, their efforts are largely unreported, yet they sometimes apply fierce sanctions. Fingers-crossed.

      6. Have you tried scrolling to the bottom of the page, clicking my avatar, going to that and there you will find my blog address that should take you to houseofheartweb.wordpress.com. woe is me.

      7. I tried that…even hit a new ‘like’ along the way. The ‘following’ button at least pulsates from dark blue to light blue now, when I click on it…progress, as it stayed dark blue the last few times I tried. I’ll try again later.

      1. Indeed, Sir…even as I write she is in the gym lifting heavy weights…she plans to win Gold at the next Olympics. I don’t think the Russian gals will be a match for her.

    1. That is a cracking word, Kenton. I hadn’t used it for years, indeed that last time I heard it spoken was as my dear mother snuffed it, ‘It’s all gone skewwhiff’ her dying words. I thought that a nice touch!

  4. Dear Scott,
    I am glad to see you are on the mend. It is my unfortunate responsibility to report to you that you have missed your ship for your scheduled explorations and so, sadly, we are letting you go. We are aware that you were not feeling well but, due to prior alcohol related absences, you are beyond your annual limit, so there is little we can do. In other non related news, we also want to let you know that, due to global warming, that Antarctic is now a balmy 47 degrees and your igloo has melted. Best of luck.
    The Antarctic Exploratory Crew

    1. You’re a clever gal, young Marissa. Mind you now it’s warmed up down south of the equator, Ms Ig Loo may well favour me with home from home creature comforts…I do hope so, it’s a lonely life when all that I do is to explore the orb that is Planet Earth.

    1. I imagine I’ll have a next time, young Leslie. I’m rather good at accidents. I really must send you a list sometime. Generally, my accidents have a little more panache than this one. I think I’m getting better. Even managed a game of table tennis today…I lost 21-16!

      1. I’ll start: when I was about five I slipped while playing barefoot in the back of a pickup truck and nearly sliced off my pinkie toe on a rusty farm tool.

      2. I don’t think I can best that with an early life tale. At about 7 years old I trapped all my fingers within two sash type window frames with me stood upon the outside window ledge for an age until my mother came looking for me. Also, at lunchtime on the day of the all-important 11+ exams at school (the exams, which back then determined if one qualified for a grammar school and a white collar future, or be consigned to the cannon fodder establishment for ruffians) a manhole cover I was walking across collapsed and I fell in, injuring my leg somewhat. They never let me resit the exams, so it was the ruffians for yours truly.

      3. Oh my! That was a stroke of bad luck! I once fell into the inner workings of a carnival ride. My head banged onto a steel arm and knocked me loopy. Fortunately one of my friends noticed I was missing and wouldn’t let the ride start up until they found me. I could’ve been mangled!

      4. I remember being very, very drunk in my early twenties when upon leaving the pub I realized I had no chance of making it home. It was thus I broke into my then (later to become my first wife) girlfriends ground floor flat to sleep there – she was in Germany at the time, I recall. Once inside, I staggered about the bedroom finally breaking a number of toes on a bed leg. I felt it not at the time, although the next day my foot resembled a purple cows udder…oh, it was around the same time a ghostly spirit threw me across a room, just a few bruises with that one.

      5. Ooh, a tough one to beat. I once fell down a set of bleachers at a high school basketball game. Splat, splat, splat from the very top to the bottom.

      6. Ah, my best ever was just last year when I did something similar. It was 3am. I was sober, I stress. We had not long been in this house and the ensuite was a work in progress. It was thus as I was returning from the loo, and upon the top landing I passed out and, naked I fell the whole flight of stairs. Dear Shirl, upon hearing the kerfuffle – I was unconscious at the time – rushed downstairs thinking me mortally injured. However, ever the kindly soul that she is, prior to calling the emergency services she got, from the kitchen a small dish drying cloth with which to cover my ‘modesty’. As you will understand I was more than a little miffed when I came around. ‘Panache, woman…where’s your panache…a bloody dish cloth!’

      7. I remember when this incident happened! You’re lucky to have survived! Let’s see, I was sightseeing in New York late one evening. A friend and I were hurrying to catch the last train back to our hotel in New Jersey. I stepped into Times Square and my feet went straight up. I fell back narrowly avoiding hitting my head on the curb. I was wearing a heart shaped charm on a bracelet and bore the imprint for months in the palm of my hand.

  5. God damn it! How long must be put up with polished granite floors until someone finally acts? I don’t think I even trust my polished granite chair, but what choice do I have?

  6. Welcome back, Mike, or should I say Scott of the Antarctic (sounds like a man with an interesting story)! I’ve got to say there’s nothing like a good trauma to help spark sudden epiphany. Seriously though, hope you’re feeling better. 🙂

    1. Cheers, Carolee Croft. I am feeling a tad better, just the damn eyesight issue. It is as if my left eye has a sea of octopus ink flooding it. Still, with my right eye closed, when looking out of said left eye I considered the point, ‘who needs Photoshop?’ How are you?

      1. Hope your ‘photoshop vision’ improves! I’m very well, thanks. I’ve got lots of books coming out… well, after the long wait that I’ve had two is a lot. I’m enjoying your poetry and stories by the way. If you’d like to be a guest on my blog one day, I have lots of questions about your writing.

      2. New books out soon. That’s wonderful. I wish you all the very best with that. I’m still ploughing away with my old toot. Basically, I just enjoy seeing what happens when I throw words at a page. If you are happy to have this old fool be a guest on your blog I’d be most pleased to answer your questions.

      3. I think wonderful things happen when you throw words at a page. You writing is so mysterious, which is why I have all these questions which I’d like to send you. What’s the best way to contact you?

    1. Thank you. I watched…albeit through just the one eye…a magnificent documentary about a bloke in Wisconsin who raised distressed baby otters and eventually sent them back into the wild the other evening, by the way.

    1. It worked for me! I sleep well, yet thus far I still have an almost blind left eye. They keep telling me to visit a quack. Thus far I’ve failed to muster the courage to do so. Yours, An Idiot, well aware he is an idiot.

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