“I say Carruthers, I’ve heard tell Jacob is racist. What pray do you make of that my friend?”

“Who the bleddy hell is Jay Cobb when he’s at home?”

“I think you got the wrong end of the stick old chum, it’s Jacob Rees-Mogg who’s racist.”

“Good Lord, so Rees-Mogg is aka Ray Cyst. Doesn’t surprise me, mind. I always knew he had a thing for a gal named Kath Licks, but to go undercover and adopt a dual identity using the name Ray Cyst, thus making it easier to covertly get his leg across as and when, I find astonishing. I pity his poor wife. He needs a sound horse-whipping in my book.”

“Je ne comprends pas?”

“Kath Licks! Some Irish bint he bonks when the fancy takes. No one’s ever met the girl though, notwithstanding we all know what the two-timing devil is up to. Kath Licks this; Kath Licks that, Kath Licks just about anything, she’s all he ever talks about…well that and incinerating swarthy types.”

“You’re confused methinks. I understand he claims to be a devout Roman Catholic, not as you imply shagging Kath Licks, whomsoever she might be. You’ve not been your usual self ever since the Referendum. Perhaps you should take a break. A short holiday. It’ll do you good.”

“Perhaps you’re right. Ever since my beloved Chelsea lost 10-nil to The Arsenal all because of that hopeless Johnny Foreigner, swine of a Romanian ‘ref’ by the name ‘Erendum’ I’ve been down in the dumps.  Yes, I’ll take your advice. Her indoors and I will sail the yacht across The Channel. We can kick off from Calais and travel around and about treating ourselves to a dozen or so cases of fine wines, a mass of smelly cheeses and murmuration of Havana cigars for me, Belgium chocolates, perfumes, Capstan Navy Cut cigarettes, plus several buckets of Bolly for the wife. It’s all so incredibly cheap over there in France and Belgium and you can bring back as much as you like without having to bung the snotty customs officials at Dover.”

“You better make sure you take that break before the end of March, old chap. Once we are out of the EU and free to drone on and on about how useless our own government is, just like we always used to, I understand that the old Duty Free rules will once more apply. Do you remember those pre-EU times. A day trip to France and coming home with just half a bottle of corked vino and a lipstick stained fag end because that’s all we were allowed. Bitter times they were, and they’re coming back to haunt.”

“Really? I never knew that. What on earth will the good burghers of the County of Essex do. Such things in vast quantity are the main part of their staple diet! Crumbs, if they can’t have their cheap booze and fags they’ll be riots on Southend Pier no less. Why on earth did they, to a man and woman, vote Brexit, it beggars belief! Talk about lemmings to a cliff edge. Gosh, I’ll think I’ll take an early bath and get my act together while I still can. However, first I’ve a yearning for a snifter at the club just to help get me over the shock. You coming?”

“Is Rees-Mogg a Kath Lick I am.”

To those good folk around this globe be grateful that the one pictured above who is ‘well and truly right of centre’ yet claiming Christian morals, a Brexiteer (on old Etonian) going by the name ‘Jacob Rees-Mogg’ is not one of your own. Not only does he blight my life but also those of millions of compassionate like-minded Brits.



    1. My Thanks, Ms S. I think I can safely say that he is the sort of Englishman who would likely move heaven and hell to prevent the land of Scotland being free…and I agree with you re the choice of 4 letter word!

    1. I haven’t had the pleasure of Ms Godley as yet but will seek her out. You know Ms S, even now, two years on I have yet to hear one good reason for this vile Brexit thing. At least you Scots voted the right way…hence I buy Scot’s good when shopping. Did you know said Jacob hasa safe haven office in Ireland? Talk about two-faced.

      1. Oh I did. I keep up to date. Up here we did vote the right way. I could say it all here about how shocking this is and everything that’s to be said about what is somehow sitting in parliament but it’s being said far better by good journalists. Articles on the elite trying to shape things their way. People who would give Thatcher a good name and that is saying something. And there was a good one the other day about we deserve Brexit…which given that was the title didn’t sound to be the best. But it was an excellent piece on how the entire fabric of parliament is rotten, how the country has this inflated notion of itself as a world power still, of how while this mess is going down in flames , people are arguing about Churchill and the Boer War and children are marching on the streets shouting ‘ F%** Theresa May ( Would anyone in their right ,mind?) how people like Boris Johnson or this bloody slimy faced snake not just got elected but have all this say, and how just maybe we need to see that we need immigrants here and a whole new political system that puts the people first, etc.etc. etc. Personally I have never seen so many self serving shits in my life as are sitting in Whitehall right now. It is appalling.

      2. Music to my ears, Ms S. you’ve said it all. l could wax lyrical for hours on end yet need not when talking with a diamond gal such as your goodself. As of the moment Scotland needs a ‘break’ in more ways than one, plus in this dark land the next generation need the self-same thing, yet the fat rich bastards and the fat tattoed beer belly white mob want it the other way yet cannot give me the ‘why?’. Their arguments just don’t hold up to simple scrutiny. Great passion for your cause. My complete respect. The Old Fool.

      3. What I don’t understand is how the privileged elite manage to convince the poor that they share the same goals in this case. Although we have an example next door too so I do understand.

      4. You pose an interesting question, Cynthia. In essence ‘how has it come to this?’ From the English perspective, prior to joining the EU most people would moan on and on about the shortcomings of the government of the day. Indeed before joining the EU the British economy was falling apart. However, once in the EU ‘the people’ turned their anger to what they perceived to be a foreign government. Add to that the fact that being within the EU meant ‘no borders’ and ‘free movement of citizens’ fair number of ‘Johnny Foreigners’ came over here to seek work…generally at top end jobs i.e. doctors, dentists etc…were we had a significant shortage of professionals…as well as relatively large numbers who turned up to take on low end tasks i.e. fruit picking; care homes etc. This created a jealousy of sorts at best; a form of racism at worst. Often one would hear, ‘They’re coming over here taking our jobs’ when in truth they were doing the jobs ‘we’…my how I hate be included in this global ‘we’…weren’t taking up in the first place. Then there is this very English trait that ‘we’ are better than the rest because ‘we’ once had an Empire (a very dubious Empire in my book). Pomposity I call it. So, it came to pass that this ‘we’ collective decided ‘we’ ‘Want to make this once great nation, great again’ whereas I see it that what they will achieve through their racism…and racism it is…to ‘make this once s**t nation, s**t again’. I hope this clarifies the issue a little. Needless to say the Brexiteers are a blight on my life and the millions of similar like minded free-thinkers of compassionate leanings. I dare say I’ll this blight will follow me to my grave.
        As to your point re rich and poor, it is the same old story throughout history. The powerful rich feed self-interest; the angry mob of the poor are pliable pans. I might add that Ree-Mogg for example has moved his business hub to Eire, hence it is in the EU area; Vile Farage has ensured he is okay by acquiring a German passport and many others do the same. The list is long.
        Enjoy you day, it’s been a true pleasure discussing these matters with you. Regards, The Old Fool

      5. Well talking beer bellies, I did not want to start re you av Daily Mail reader… BUT I will say to you how much your words about respect mean to me when what I read of your writing you are one of the cleverest men on the planet. Seriously Mike, I crawl up to the feet of folks like you As for Scotland, well I was brought up in a Socialist household. My dad was a known name politically at the time in Dundee, deputy provost and he had a tartan fit and was going to put me out the house for voting way back for the then SNP candidate in an election. But having done Scottish history and having had this yoink fae wherever foisted on us cos u could put a pig in a poke in red rosette up at that time in Dundee and we would all go yeah… ( Politics also evolve, often far from how they should ) let’s just say I was already fair scunnered with the fake news that we were never a country in our own right. ( My Mam told my Da as we went head to head, that if I went this could not be taken back and BTW I had nowhere to go but I am sure I would have thought of something .) And you know, that was all probably nothing to what my dad came from politically in terms of background. Indeed when I think of my nan on my mum’s side being baton charged and having her ribs broken in a1930s hunger march, ( And quite a story there re how the grandad lied to the police who had come to shove her in prison ) I guess what both sides of my family came from was fire and fight. Re Scotland– however the press portray things here, we would just like away from being governed by the kind of Eton educated Muppets who are presently on display. A lot of us would then happily go back to our political roots. Providing they are there. The daftest thing re immigration? If I had to go back to my roots? Well….

      6. The evolution of our political stance never ceases to fascinate me. For me there were no mentors. Just a kid from a relatively poor home who instinctively turned left knowing that ‘right’ could never be right as it meant the poor would always be poor. The down-trodden would always remain thus. The Mail is my nemesis. The self same racist, false news trash pumped out day after day to titillate those of the rich Shire’s of England. The self same paper that supported Hitler pre WW2. It, along with the Express, disgust me.
        Here’s an odd conversation I had the other day. It was suggested to me that my support for an independent Scotland breaking away from the UK was a contradiction in terms of my view that ‘we’…whomsoever this global ‘we’ are…let’s say England and/or UK for the sake of comparison…should not make that same break with the EU. The thing is, it is not a contradiction in part or at all. Scotland, even now with its own parliament is still, when push comes to shove, ruled from London..i.e. the English. Scottish history you know much better than I, is one of subjugation, whereas the UK relationship with the EU is quite the opposite. Hence no contradiction at all. This very English view, ‘We…there’s that ‘we’ again…don’t want to be ruled by Brussels’. ‘We’ are not and regardless does the average Texan doesn’t give a tuppeny toss that the seat of government in the States is miles away in Washington? They don’t. Why should they. Add to that the ‘we’ want our democracy back. Bollocks. The EU structure…not perfect by any means, none are…is in my considered view vastly more democratic than the UK where the Head of State is there by a freak of birth; a mere inheritance. The Lords are unelected and The Commons by a first past the post wholly undemocratic means.
        ‘We’ say we want to make this once great nation, great again. Once more, I say bollocks. Were we ‘great’ when we spotted an opportunity noting that the cottage industry that was slavery in West Africa could easily be turned global simply by selling millions of slaves in the new lands of America; the same slaves who would ensure the crops of tobacco, cotton and such like would could come back the other side of the Atlantic to create new industry in places like North West England and Bristol…similar examples exist right across The Empire. We took and gave very little back, save perhaps our ‘religion’ for their diamonds and such like. To me, in a nutshell, all Brexiteers are achieving is to turn, ‘This once shit nation, shit again’.
        ‘Tis a pleasure beyond measure to talk with you, Ms. S – and I hope to see one day a Scotland within the EU, independent and making bucket loads of money.

      7. I’ve also always felt that Germany was hammered after WW1 for a war that was colonial land grabbing on more than their parts. And so… when the people were desperate the ‘saviour’ unfortunately came. And that led to terrible things. BUT right now in this country I feel I am seeing that it was more than that. It was laws being passed getting people who were not born there, to register…for what? Well, what is all that about? And what are we sliding into?

      8. The act of taking away from me and the likes of me, our European identity then having us carry ‘Blue’ Passports that will denote me as something I am not has a smidgen of Nazism to it, I’m sad to say. It will only get worse…still, come the revolution!

      9. Well, talking contradictions like Scotland want to still be part of Europe but not the UK.. you nail that by the way… all this Dunkirk spirit shit is hysterical given the fascists who run the government, the newspapers, yeah meant to mention the Express. Excuse me but wasn’t WW2 supposedly waged against fascism? You are spot on re colonialism. The thing is the unionists bang on about how we have been with England since the union of the crowns get on with it. Well, actually no, it was the union of the parliaments that sold us down the river in 1707 and joined us countrywise, but that is seldom taught. Even that film The Outlaw King had this utter pish at the end about the union of the crowns. The people of Scotland never voted to join these parliaments. There were riots at the time up and down the country. A bunch of nobles sold out Scotland for English gold. And we’ve been I the north of England since. All well said Mike. You are a diamond geezer so you are.

      10. Scotland say, “Tell you what England, we think it’s about time we went our separate ways.”
        England say, “Sorry old chap, no can do.”
        Scotland say, “How come?”
        England say, “Because we’re English and we said so.”
        Maybe not an entirely accurate take on the subject, yet more or less correct!

      11. Oh indeed. What is hysterical is that they are trying to say to the EU right now about their way or the highway…. But it is not that funny, you are right.

    1. My thanks, LuAnne. Satire is not my forte, yet on occasion I enjoy a stab…especially so in these darkest vile Brexit times in this land I was unfortunate enough to be born in…to have a ‘go’ at. Best wishes, The Old Fool

      1. I loved the alternate spellings. My husband and I were playing around with some alternate spellings the other day – fizziks, unutherwon, and fuhkyoo (not you of course, Mike. 🙂 )

      2. Playing games with names is good sport I find. To do it, ideally one has to put on a raving idiot’s hat and take every word as spoken ratgher than read. Carruthers is perfect for such an enterprise. Regards, The Old Fool

    1. Cheers, Carruthers is always an inspiration for British stupidity…by Jove we excel at it. 214 years old as I am, I still remember well the time we, The British, turned the cottage industry that was slave trading in West Africe into a global business, yet we still refer to this, ‘Once great nation’…it beggers belief.

  1. I know we’re a mess on our side of the Atlantic, but damn, Sir, if your own government isn’t its own tangled mess of kite string, barbed wire, baby yarn, kudzu vines. I couldn’t help but snicker at the names you made. I should have a go at that…

    1. All you have to do Ms Lee is put on your silly hat and take every word literally. In doing so names from words will appear…and yes, the UK, such as it is is in a mess across a galaxy of subject matter. It irks and is constantly on my mind. Yours, The Old Fool

      1. I used to have such a hat! Darn thing got packed up with my other college things. I even had a special writing snood. Darnit, I gotta dig that stuff up.
        Perhaps your government just needs a special batch of silly hats…

    1. In terms of Brexit I couldn’t agree more. ‘Tis like a death in the family. The theft of my European status at the hands of shaven headed, tattoed, racist morons. That said, I read your post earlier today vis a vis WP getting into a tad of a state re ‘followers’ nolonger turning up on Readers. What I find most odd is that your post was the first I’ve seen from you for many a month. I just checked your blog and see masses I’ve missed. I must catch up. Does this wild card mean henceforth I will be back to normal? I estimate that 60%+ of the blogs I follow are no longer available to read unless I go searching…I can’t even see my own son’s blog without searching. Yours, Mr Tediuosly Angry from Englands closest spot to France. How are you by the way? Also, my son ‘Zoolon’ can be found as ‘Zoolon’ somewhere in the ether. I feel sure he would think a professor would be a fine addition to his host and he’s a pleasant chap who would never let you down in terms of both support and enjoyment. Best wishes, The Old Fool (as I’m commonly known by…wife included!)

  2. You have the Brixit debacle, and we have Trump. It’s a toss up as to which is worse. With WP, it just erased me one day, and I was bobbing about waiting for some blogger to make contact. Finally, I decided to cry for help. I will search for your son,Zoolon, and hope with better results than in the past to find him. Best of luck in dealing with Brixit.

    1. TRUMP! Insomia central. He has made a nation of discovery, adaption, freedom and compassion a laughing stock. From this side of the pond, I’d rather like my America back safe and sound. Best of good fortune to you young lady in dealing with a monster.

  3. Every day is a living nightmare. One has no idea which way he’ll jump or who will be the next target. When one is dealing with a sociopath, life is dangerous. It is unbelievable how his followers believe every lie. Far from being a young lady, I am now 92 years old have survived many political changes, but I don’t recognize my government these days. I am always reminded of what Harry Truman said when he was President. ” I couldn’t decide whether to be a piano player in a whorehouse or a politician until I realized there was no difference.”

    1. You’re still a young lady at 92. Trump as leader of the ‘free’ world is a thing I thought impossible, yet it’s happened. Aside from his misdemeanors he has no soul; not even a hint of human compassion. I take it as a given that he doesn’t understand ‘art’. I like your Harry Truman quote. Such words would be alien to Trump. All good leaders need intellect. Take this one, When Winston Churchill was asked to cut arts funding to support the war effort, he replied: “Then what are we fighting for?” Ah well, onwards and downwards!

  4. I know that every country has their own c… – clowns- in the government, so I won’t add my comments to your pain, Mike. But I am angry, and even your fine satire didn’t make me laugh.

    1. I agree, Inese. My anger is metaphoric cancer that blights my life. Most waking hours it consumes me. I note that Rees-Mogg for example has moved his business office to Eire while the angry mob of his shaven headed Brexiteers get uglier by the day. Talk about ‘I’m alright Jack’!

      1. Mike, I wish I could say much good about Eire leaders. As there is no place to hide, we have to keep living the way we think is right, so that we are happy with themselves, and remember our neighbour who is in need. Half of your people voted for it, and I promise you that the numbers would be the same here in Eire if it came to that. Now when they see the disaster, they are all EU-loyal.

      2. I believe that the Irish would have more commonsense. Also they…unlike the English…don’t carry on like they own the planet in simply because they once had an Empire, overlooking the fact that that was/is not a thing one should boast about. Good luck to the wily Irish is what I say!

      3. You would be surprised to learn that leaving the EU was a topic here before the Brexit disaster. It annoyed me a lot. Now of course it is all peace and quiet. But I agree with you on the Empire.

      4. One must never overlook…and I’m sure you know that anyway…we English in particular were responsible for turning the little cottage industry that was the slave trade in West Africa into a global industry whereby the slaves were sold off to the New Lands, from which cotton, tobacco etc. would head back the other way and make English cities such as Liverpool and Bristol the very rich places they became. The British Empire has much to answer for. The English toffs have to. The things they never taught me at school re the potato famine in Ireland where the landlords showed not a thread of compassion, simply turning the victims out of their homes. You know the very first time I really got to understand how evil my kind were was in a small museum somewhere on the Southern Irish coast. I feel no shame in having to go outside, a lit cigarette in hand, shaking my head and shedding a good few tears.

      5. Poor folk in England didn’t benefit much from the Empire’s riches I guess. There are many colors between the black and white. But as I said, I agree with you about the Empire. By the way, the Lords Waterford which I wrote a lot about, didn’t let a single family die during the Famine. There are no Famine graveyards in the area. It is what I am saying again – each of us as the individuals we are must be responsible for our own actions in any circumstances we might find ourselves in.

  5. ” ‘well and truly right of centre’ yet claiming Christian morals” – made me smile. Reminded me of the writer who said there’s nothing Christian about far-right ‘Christians’.

    1. I am so left of centre Cynthia you wouldn’t believe it… though I despise Momentum. My loathing of Rees-Mogg is complete. Awful man. Also, I agree with you…albeit that I am an atheist…I cannot fathom how any person of ‘right’ wing adoration could possible declare God as one of his own. Should this vile Brexit born of closet racists; in deniel racist and outright racistS see their dream come true then I may as well top myself. The theft of my EU status is a thing I’ll never forgive. Thanks for the comment and best regards.

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