Good Lord, I’m quite taken aback. My latest book has only just this minute been listed on Amazon and look at all these fabulous reviews and messages I’ve received from the fabled and the famous. These are just a mere sample.
Marilyn Monroe: “I can’t thank you enough, Michael. It’s about time the truth was told. Yes, to my shame my life was blighted by flatulence, although in fairness such gusts of malodorous wind emanating from my BTM did ensure me iconic status when I released a smelly humdinger of colossal proportions and as a result my little white dress blew up while I was standing over an ineffectual subway grate in New York on the set of ‘The Seven Year Itch’ movie. I can’t thank you enough for including the tale of my dire plight when writing this book, a frankly outstanding piece of modern English literature.”
Audrey Hepburn: “Dearest, sweetest, adorable Mike. At last, because of this wonderful book of yours, my story can be complete. Let the world see how I suffered so very much from the curse that was my regular bouts of gout. It fairly marred my life yet never deterred me from carrying on regardless. Eternal love and all the very best with this exceptional work of literary art. You’ll always have a place in my heart, you are an incredible man. Love, Audrey.”
Svetlana: “You promised…you really did promise…you so, so promised I would feature as your main character in this book. That’s the only reason I slept with you and did all those awful, disgusting things you made me do, yet now you’ve let me down you horrid personage. Not Yours, Svet #Metoo. PS Your book is total shit.”
Marlene Dietrich: “My heartful thanks that you included me in your awesome new book my…let’s face it, when all is said and done… nutzloser liebhaber. As my signature song ‘Lily Marlene’ goes;
‘Underneath the lantern, by the barrack gate
darling I remember the way you used to wait
it was there that you whispered tenderly
that you loved me, you’d always be
my Mikey of the lamplight
my own Mikey, you’re a f*****g pain’
You really are a tosser, but I so love you.”
Rabbie Burns: “I had not a blind clue you’d write such kind words about the poetry I knock out when the mood is about me. I’ll admit to a few difficulties when penning ‘My Love is like a Red, Red Rose’, although for the main part the Buckie was to blame. That I’d been on the piss all bloody day getting lashed up on it and was as full as a gypsy’s bra was a crippling burden to cope with when trying to get my creative juices in the poetic zone. That’s the truth. Gratitude my friend and all the best with your gem of a book, a masterpiece akin to the smoothness of a single malt Talisker. Your Old Chum, Rabbie.”
I tried my level best to sort out links in other English speaking nations yet thus far they only seem to have the Kindle link.