MIKE: So Danny, tell us a little about yourself
DANNY: I’ve written a book
MIKE: Yes, I meant tell us something about your personal history. The place you were born and grew up in, for example
DANNY: I was born in Pimlico in Westminster, London. That was long before I wrote my book, of course
MIKE: Was it a happy childhood?
DANNY: Not too bad, but it would have been even happier if I’d known back then that one day I’d write a fantastic book
MIKE: What about your career. Have you been a success in life?
DANNY: Not really. I’m a motor mechanic. I had to read a couple of books to pass the exams but none were as great as my book, of course.
MIKE: Are you married, Danny. Tell my readers a little about your family
DANNY: Yes, I’m married with four kids. It’s been pretty tough raising a family. I just wish there was a decent book on the subject. Of course, it wouldn’t be a touch on my book. Nothing is.
MIKE: How do you see your future panning out, Danny? Are you optimistic?
DANNY: I see a great future ahead, thanks to my book. I’ll earn shedloads of money from Amazon and get to meet lots of celebs, like Keanu Reeves, Scarlett Johansson, and President Trump. That’s how great my book is.
MIKE: Are you a fan of the president then?
DANNY: No, I think he’s an ocean-going fucknut, and if I do come across him, I’ll smash him over the nut with a signed copy of my book. It will be the greatest honour of his bigly orange, loser life.
MIKE: Finally, Danny, I hear you have a book out at present. Tell us a little about it.
DANNY: I don’t like to talk about it mate. I don’t want to appear to be bigging myself up just because I’ve written this utterly sublime book.
MIKE: Danny Soz, It’s been a pleasure talking to you
DANNY: That’s, Mr Author-Writer-Bard-Wordsmith-Soz, to you matey.
I know he would protest in the strongest possible terms but here’s a link to Danny’s fabulous book. It truly is a triumph of satirical writing at it’s most glorious – it says here.