THE OLD FOOL

I’ve been out of the WP writing game of late trading my pen for what felt like a doctor’s stove poker…if, indeed, doctors carry such things. Thankfully, all is well. If I have a humorous memory of my necessary starvation prior to, or indeed when visiting the hospital, it is that of the delightful young lady, my nurse who guided me hither and yon upon arrival…me, a confused wanderer deep in pointless thoughts and hopeless plans to escape.  Whatever, my lovely nurse lead me to my room; told me to discard my kit and put on a paper-thin gown of sorts. For reasons of modesty she left the room. Upon her return she burst into laughter. “Do you realize you put it on ‘back to front and inside out’? If you don’t mind I’ll put it on properly for you.” I replied saying “OK”. It was only then I realized there’s me dressed in just a facemask and glasses that have steamed up. No wonder she was laughing her head off…as was I. Once, what I presumed to be suitably dressed, said nurse pitched in pointing out I hadn’t put on ‘the shorts’. I’d know idea that there were any shorts, hence she led me to where my own ‘shorts’ lived. To my eye it appeared to be nothing more than a neatly folded glorified freshly ironed pillowcase. At this point she says, “By the way, it’s best if you don’t wear these shorts ‘back to front’ as there’s a slit open on the backside the doctor will need for access”. A major ‘gulp’ on my part followed. Back home, safe and confused, my how my dear Shirl bust a gut…so to speak. Now you know why I call myself, The Old Fool!

Whatever, my latest book, ‘MAYDAY’ remains alive and well. Herewith a re-run of the video curtesy of my son’s endeavors.

As to said new book, ‘MAYDAY’, should it be of interest, this tome is available in the UK and way beyond these shores via AMAZON. ‘Tis for FREE on KINDLE UNLIMITED, alternatively just £3.29 on regular KINDLE or, if the PAPERBACK takes your fancy, a mere, £6.99 or equivalent outside of the UK.

Copyright © 2021/2022. All rights reserved saved for Leonard. Unauthorised copying, reproduction, hiring, and lending, prohibited.


78 thoughts on “THE OLD FOOL

    1. My thanks, young Annette. I lived to tell the story, that’s for sure. Many other humorous off the wall happenings took place but I’ll keep them for another day. Regards, Mike

  1. Oh Mike… I should not be laughing… well, no, that is not true. If you did not want us to laugh, you would not have been so willing to put yourself (ahem) out there for us all to see.
    Happy to hear all that exposure and wandering about comes with a good ending.
    Love the Cohen. Your book is next on my reading list!

    1. Please laugh all you will, young Dale. Having been petrified…I can be rather pathetic sometimes…entering the hospital, and following 30 hours of having to drink some vile liquid in several litres per hour devoid of all foodstuff, I truly thought my time was up. Laughter…or should I say, things that made me laugh…made sure I got though and out the other side. Life is a funny thing…and I say ‘funny’ in all its definitions. Regards, TOF

      1. I am all too well reminded of my need to down litres of vile chalk-like stuff, at the tender age of 16, no less, to see the ulcer I happened to have in my stomach. I feel some of your pain. Not 30 hours worth! Poor you. Thank goodness for a sense of humour in our (we believe) hours of our demise…

      2. I imagine it must have been worst at just 16. Being an old fool sometimes has some benefits…i.e. one knows the game of life a tad better with time. Regards, TOF

      3. Possibly. Can’t remember as it was over forty years ago! I’ve pretty much always been a go-with-the flow kinda gal. Just took it in stride, methinks. But yes, being older (fool or not) does have some benefits 😉

      4. Good to hear you took it in stride. Well done. Thinking about it, women are vastly more capable than the males when it comes to getting anything and everything done…including suffering. Those who moan re illness or similar are for the main part, chaps who talk the talk yet never walk the walk, like me in pathetic bloke mode…according to dear Shirl, that is; she’s generally right on these matters.

      5. Not to sound too cocky, we are way more capable 😉 That’s why childbearing has been given to us 😀 I’ll have to chalk one up to Shirl as she must be in a good place to know…

      6. True enough. Shirl got a hip damaged badly when giving birth to George some years ago…a nurse accidentally dropped her leg. She never moans nor admits any pain, yet I know full well when it’s hurting. A few years back when I’d severed my quad muscles…oh the pain, says the man…I was on a walking stick walking the riverside. A couple of teenage morons tried to rob me and I wasn’t in a position to lay them out…bringing up the rear, dear Shirl who decked the principal moron while his mate legged it. Girl power at work! I do mention the power of women in the Mayday book, by the way, young Dale.

      7. Oh my goodness! That is terrible – the hip thing! And oh my goodness! Severed your quad muscles!!! You are allowed to complain about the pain. Girl power! Shirl! What a SuperHero(ine).
        And I shall be finding out soon 😉 NTY Dale

    1. I agree, young Ms S. A romance for sure. Sadly with me at 114 years of age, and the lovely nurse, say, about 20 years sadly it was a nonstarter. Bloody good idea though.

      1. You’re truly onto something with this observation, young Ms S. Were the male the same age as the nurse, what a wonderful opener for a romantic novel…should you ever wish to use this tale, please feel free.

      2. Mike , the mind was working overtime at the “Do you realize you put it on ‘back to front and inside out’? If you don’t mind I’ll put it on properly for you.” as it was…..

      3. Thank you, young Ms S. What I should have made mention of when posting this post was its conclusion following the gown and shorts debacle. You see, said lovely nurse was chatting away with me when I felt my feet were getting rather cold on the stone floor. So I make mention of this. She says, ‘Well put your socks back on”. I say, “But you told me to undress?” She says, “Socks don’t count where you’re going.” My how we laughed again. If it wasn’t for this one young laughing lady I don’t know what I’d have done having waited 14 worrying months to discover what exactly my illness was. As Mr Cohen said in one of his songs, ‘I told you I was curious; I never said that I was brave’.

      4. Mike, a horrible time for you. Hellish in fact. I’m glad to read all you say about this lady. that next bit you told there is funny too. Honestly you could have a bit of fun here.

      5. The older I get, fun is all. I really enjoy looking from the outside in when in the company of just about anyone, notwithstanding I might be on the inside of any such meeting with others. I think that’s where satitire was born.

  2. I couldn’t figure out the hospital gown either so I put on two of them—one in front and one on back. My nurse was very entertained as well.
    (P.S. I just bought Mayday, adding to my scary big TBR pile. It sounds amazing!)

    1. My sincere thanks, young Barb. I’m not a brave man, I’ll admit. Hence laughter is/was my only escape from purgatory. Not a pleasant day at the hospital, yet one I’ll always remember. The nurse saved my day. That said, thank you for acquiring the Mayday book. ‘Tis a tad risqué for no other reason than people…all people…have ‘choice’. Mayday chose a path of her own; that as, as well in everything single I write I write, the gals end up victorious. I am, long since, held the belief gals should rule the world given that chaps have failed time and time again. That said, my thanks once more. Regards, The Old Fool.

  3. We have an old saying, Mike – “There’s no fool like an old fool!!”
    I never did figure out if that meant good or bad, but there ya go… Glad all is A-Okay!

  4. Oh goodness, this sounds like me at any given doctor’s appointment, and my glasses fog up from the masks ALL the time. Compound that with coming in from the bitter cold, and I’m better off just being Velma from Scooby-Doo and talking to phone poles like they’re people. Sigh.

    1. Well young Ms Lee, I must apologize for not commenting much on the blogs of others lately. I’d been waiting 14 months (although the doc had told me I was a ‘priority’!) to discover if his original analysis was correct…if so it’s a nuisance yet not the end of the world. Thankfully he was correct. I guess that I can now relax a little and get on with life once more. Stress is a curse, that is for sure.

      1. Hey, NEVER apologize for that. Ever since I’ve started teaching full time, catching up with fellow writers has been a big challenge, and I’ve lerarned to just be thankful I can connect when I can. Neither of us need unnecessary stress in our lives!

    1. Funnily, I was just chating with another who raised the matter of dignity, hence I agree with you, although in this case, whereas normally acute embarrassment and indignity raise their ugly heads, I had the benefit of laughter and a diamond young nurse…a rare thing. Having waited 14 months when previously being told I was a ‘priority’, if I’m honest I just wanted it over and done with. Life is a strange thing! Regards, The Old Fool

      1. Dead right. Without that young lady nurse I think…me having waited 14 long months to confirm what I had wrong with me and the stress that that brings…I’d have lost the plot. All credit to that one youngster. I intend to send a letter to her boss telling just what a diamond she was.

    1. My thanks, Janet. I agree, although in this case, whereas normally acute embarrassment and indignity raise their ugly heads, I had the benefit of laughter and a diamond young nurse…a rare thing. Having waited 14 months when previously being told I was a ‘priority’, if I’m honest I just wanted it over and done with. I’m most please you commented…again, my thanks. Regards, The Old Fool

  5. There is nothing funny about anal intrusion, so you did well to make light of it, Mike. Glad to hear all is well. I think if my time comes for that ‘procedure’, they will have to employ four strong men to hold me down, and gag me with a leather strap!
    Best wishes, Pete.

    1. My thanks for the read; the comment. ‘tis a strange thing is life. I arrived at the hospital having not slept a wink for 2 nights; having eaten nothing for 30 hours save for drinking litres after litres of a vile liquid aimed at emptying my innards; living in fear of complete madness and then the nurse. The gal’s sense of humour saved the day.

  6. This is my first post of yours to read, and after now reading the other comments, I don’t feel guilty to say that I too laughed when I felt I maybe I shouldn’t have. 😏 …I’m happy for you though that you made it through this and look forward to reading more of your work! 🙏

    1. My thanks for taking time out to read. Much appreciated, young Deanna Lynn Davis. You mustn’t feel guilty…we can’t have that. When in doubt, simply laugh. ‘Tis that or end up a miserable old fool…a thing, in my dotage, that I’m trying to avoid. Regards, TOF

  7. TOF, TOF, TOF TOF……..
    I’m all distracted by Leonard. Also, distracted by your pillow case and paper covering.

    RE: Leonard – Why don’t more poets do this? Obviously one does not have to sing. It’s a feeling/recitation to music.
    You should do this! George can handle it!
    I want to make a bit of a lighthearted joke here, but no!
    I am serious!
    I look forward to reading Mayday. x

    1. ‘Tis a funny old world we’ve lived in during the global virus, young Carol. 14 months ago the doc announced he’d verify my illness as a priority! Then, just a week back, out of the blue they send me to a private hospital that must have cost a fortune from the NHS. Thankfully, the little young nurse was a diamond gal who eliminated any and all stress on my part…especially so when prior to her, with my Shirl driving the car telling me that women suffer far worse things than that which I was facing…which is true, yet not helping my mood at the time. My thanks re you commenting. Much appreciated. Regards, The Old Fool

      1. Well we do but probably not the best time to reiterate that fact-smile-Thankfully after waiting 14 months young sir its great news that all is ok… 😀

    1. My thanks, Lu Anne. In hindsight, given I’d not slept for 30 hours before the event, to find myself accidentally chatting with a young nurse, me not a thing on save for my mask and steamed up glasses, remarkable. In normal circumstances I’d die a thousand deaths. That both she and I had a jolly fine laugh saved the day; saved my sanity and made to whole thing OK, and I’m pleased to report, after 14 months of NHS promise I finally discovered what I had…maybe I can never be rid of it, yet ‘tis not a killer. I’m good with that. Thanks for reading, The Old Fool.

    1. Very kind of you to say so, Karima. In essence I wrote this tome around the subject of human ‘choice’, reflecting all facets of life, as well as the neglected power of women…one particular woman, namely Mayday. What one ‘chooses’ in life…providing it’s logically legal…is nobody’s business, yet sadly throughout history others put there noses in where they’re not wanted. Say certain facets of cathology for example. There you have it, and many thanks. Regards, The Old Fool

      1. I just bought the Kindle Version..I live in Costa Rica..it takes forever to get anything here from Amazon:) My name might be different than my WordPress Name…I will let you know how I like it:) My reviewer name is karima_alma.. says i am in the US but I’m not:)

      2. Costa Rica? Then I imagine you’re not suffering the wind, the cold and the constant rain of England. I’m jealous. That said, Mayday…a fictional character I know, yet one who defied evil and made me proud as if she was real…and I hope you enjoy the book. Regards, The Old Fool

  8. Reblogged this on Commentary, Outrages, Prose and Poetry and commented:
    Procedures. Doesn’t that have something to do with asking your favorite – and that means current to many of us – barman to make sure hey skimp not on ‘The Head?” Most undelightful of you to scare the boxers backward, Mike. With trepidation I will peruse again in case I missed something important. This Older – and now no thanks to you, much wiser fool, I, must comment favorably on the accompanying artwork. . One trusts – and hopes as well – not only this unauthorized sharing of same finds you in fine fettle and without rancor over stealing aperfectly fine story for my blog. John Ringo, a mil-sci0fi author of some mean note mentioned the following: “Good Writers Creat; Great Writers Steal.”You haee been missed. I miss tales of Rosie and pith from Shirl.

    1. My sincere thanks, Rosaliene. I live in hope you enjoy the book. A tad risqué, yet all power to Mayday, a gal who wins out and makes her own choices. Regards, The Old Fool

    1. How odd, Sandra. I ‘follow’ you yet never see your work on my Reader. What, pray, are WP up to? That said, thank you for your kind words. At last, after a 14 month wait…because of the dreaded virus…I know for certain what devilish curse is mine, a curse I’ll have to live with, yet not a fatal one. Already, now that I’m aware of illness I’ve come to terms with living with it, rather than my previous take on the issue of fighting…and failing…it. Again, my thanks, Regards, The Old Fool

      1. The thing is, young Sandra, I estimate that there are at least 40 blogs I follow that also do not appear on the Reader. As an old fool ‘tis hard to remember the ever expanding list of blogs I enjoy but never see. I really must write WP a letter methinks. Whatever, my thanks and best wishes. Regards, TOF

  9. I guess we’re all old fools, but that’s the gift of our non-sense making sense. And, yours, my friend makes the sense of non-sense sensible in extremis. Wish I had more time to visit… 🙂

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