SHE LOCKED ME IN THE CELLAR!

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Above, dear Hélène at work

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Amélie was a good sort
at least I thought so until that day
the old cow locked me in the cellar
of her Parisian bordello and threw the key away

My crime? I didn’t cough up
the fee after the event
a caddish trick I realize now
yet my francs I’d long since spent

spent them on buckets of champers 
and a host of lovely wayward girls
oh yes and at the opium den
also on harlots clad in naught but South Sea pearls

And thus it was when I arrived
at Madam Amélie’s Maison de Tolerance
where I feasted upon her new fresh flesh
my poor excuse my inherent ignorance

When presented with the massive bill
for all the services she had rendered
but only when she drew her six-shooter
was the point that I surrendered

So now I languish in the gloom
of a vault so cold and dank
in the company of sewer rats
and a rather smelly septic tank

Yet am I disappointed? 
well I am to a certain extent
but looking on the bright side
it could be heaven sent

that her pretty scullery maid Hélène
has taken pity at my plight
and has eased the strain of my incarceration
by ‘visiting’ me both day and night

each time she has a free moment
she takes a clandestine trip down here
also she promises to escape with me
when the coast is clear

Yet do I really want to leave? 
After all I am the consummate cad
and Hélène serves my every need
so things really aren’t that bad

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