Above, dear Hélène at work Amélie was a good sortat least I thought so until that daythe old cow locked me in the cellarof her Parisian bordello and threw the key away My crime? I didn’t cough upthe fee after the eventa caddish trick I realize nowyet my francs I’d long since spent spent them … More SHE LOCKED ME IN THE CELLAR!
MAURICE COLLARUPPRIVATE INVESTIGATOR & PROCESS SERVERBACKLIT HOUSESHADOW LANESOHOLONDON Dearest Fanny, I think of you often. Even now with the passage of time your image stays with me…as fresh as a daisy in springtime. Do you remember when we took that camel train across The Sahara desert? Week upon week without shadow; the harsh unforgiving midday … More FANNY, I THINK OF YOU OFTEN
“Well you know what they say Lenny boy, ‘There’s no such thing as a silent plumbing system,’ yet yours was banging away like a Soho brothel on a Saturday night if I may say so. I’m surprised you could get any bo-peep. Still, it’s all sorted now I’ve installed a handy anti-siphon trap.” “Yeah I … More JONNY CATAPAULT – THE PLUMBER THE ARTISTS ALL TRUST & LEONARDO DA VINCI’S BANGING WATER PIPES
Judea AD28. JC has been out and about all morning and has now returned home for a spot of lunch only to find Mary sat down in her favourite chair playing with her iPad thing exactly as he left her earlier. The look upon his face reveals that JC is not happy about this in … More ON HOW MARY HAS MORE ‘FOLLOWERS’ ON FACEBOOK THAN JC
An extract from the autobiography of the much fabled Twattersley Fromage MBE, TP, UFC, WNKR of the First Order & Jolly Decent Chap My quest a simple yet illustrious one that would herald the dawn of a new heroic age of exploration. At the behest of none other than Her Majesty herself I had willingly … More A WOMAN IN LOVE HAS NO NEED OF A THERMAL VEST
Always I have hugged trees. Even as a small child I hugged them…all varieties mind…for there is nothing like communing with nature in my book. In point of fact nothing can match the feeling of bare skin on bark…the silver birch especially. My parents thought me most odd. Pater would often say to me, ‘Jessica, … More THE SAD DEMISE OF JESSICA DOWNLOW – THE TREE HUGGING SUICIDAL POET
Good Lord, I’m quite taken aback. My latest book has only just this minute been listed on Amazon and look at all these fabulous reviews and messages I’ve received from the fabled and the famous. These are just a mere sample. Marilyn Monroe: “I can’t thank you enough, Michael. It’s about time the truth was … More FANNY, I THINK OF YOU OFTEN
It’s late 1960’s and at No. 22 Clareville Grove, South Kensington, West London a frustrated David Bowie, in the company of his then young lover, budding actress Hermione Farthingale, is at his wits end struggling to complete the lyric for his new song, ‘Life on Mars’. “What’s the problem Daveypoops? You’ve a face like Andy … More DAVID BOWIE SUFFERS FROM LYRIST’S BLOCK
Our Eden a concrete postage stamp Back of a Victorian two up, two down No wily snake, no apple orchards temptations Just dog biscuits and an old mongrel hound A pissed off landlord served an eviction notice Chucked us both out onto untamed streets That first freezing night we became homeless We used mouldy … More MY ‘TROUBLE & STRIFE’
“Oi Len, fancy a quick one at The Chelsea?” “What do you mean Svetlana, a swift libation?” “No me old fruit bat I was more thinking both.” “Fine…why not, I’m up for that.” “Anyhow Lennie boy, you got any new songs you can belt out for me in your own indomitable style by way of … More LEONARD COHEN SUFFERS FROM LYRICISTS BLOCK
- MIKE STEEDEN - 