JONNY CATAPAULT – THE PLUMBER THE ARTISTS ALL TRUST & LEONARDO DA VINCI’S BANGING WATER PIPES

“Well you know what they say Lenny boy, ‘There’s no such thing as a silent plumbing system,’ yet yours was banging away like a Soho brothel on a Saturday night if I may say so. I’m surprised you could get any bo-peep. Still, it’s all sorted now I’ve installed a handy anti-siphon trap.” “Yeah I … More JONNY CATAPAULT – THE PLUMBER THE ARTISTS ALL TRUST & LEONARDO DA VINCI’S BANGING WATER PIPES

JONNY CATAPULT – THE PLUMBER THE ROMANTIC NOVELISTS ALL TRUST

CAROLEE CROFT’S INADEQUATE WATER PRESSURE “Well that’s all sorted out, luv…or may I call you Carolee? I can, cheers for that luv…Carolee, that is. Anyhow, before explaining to you the exact cause and subsequent resolution of your plumbing issues, I would point out that what with all this humidity here in Sao Paulo I have … More JONNY CATAPULT – THE PLUMBER THE ROMANTIC NOVELISTS ALL TRUST

JONNY CATAPULT – THE PLUMBER THE ROMANTIC NOVELISTS ALL TRUST

SHEHANNE MOORE’S CENTRAL HEATING PUMP “Well Shehanne, luv…or may I call you Shey…I can? Nice one. Thanks for the cuppa.  I must say strong tea, when combined with a generous slice of your very own homemade Dundee Cake provides a real treat for the taste buds, although inevitably the cake doesn’t dunk like what my … More JONNY CATAPULT – THE PLUMBER THE ROMANTIC NOVELISTS ALL TRUST

JONNY CATAPAULT – THE PLUMBER THE ARTISTS ALL TRUST

FREDA KAHLO’S CORRODED PIPES “Well I’ve never seen the like of it Freda girl. I mean to say corrosion being the complex series of reactions between the water and metal pipes in which the water is transported leading to oxidation certainly had discoloured your drinking water to the point it had become toxic – bloody lucky … More JONNY CATAPAULT – THE PLUMBER THE ARTISTS ALL TRUST

JONNY CATAPAULT – THE PLUMBER THE ARTISTS ALL TRUST

LEONARDO DA VINCI’S BANGING WATER PIPES  “Well you know what they say Lenny boy, ‘There’s no such thing as a silent plumbing system,’ yet yours was banging away like a Parisian brothel on a Saturday night if I may say so. I’m surprised you could get any kip. Still all sorted now, I installed a handy … More JONNY CATAPAULT – THE PLUMBER THE ARTISTS ALL TRUST

JONNY CATAPAULT – THE PLUMBER THE ARTISTS ALL TRUST & VINCENT VAN GOGH’S EAR!

“How you doing Vinnie dude? Got your message via little Rachel from the Maison de Tolerance up the road. She says you’ve only gone and flushed your right ear down the bog. How on earth did you manage that?” “Pardon…oh, I got a bit down in the dumps so I popped down the pub and … More JONNY CATAPAULT – THE PLUMBER THE ARTISTS ALL TRUST & VINCENT VAN GOGH’S EAR!

JONNY CATAPAULT THE PLUMBER THE ARTIST’S ALL TRUST & RENE MAGRITTE’S INADEQUATE HOT WATER SUPPLY

“Don’t think much of your Belgian plumbing Rene mate. I mean, didn’t your original plumber realise that you’d end up challenged on the old hot water supply pressure without him having fitted a pump to the system at the outset. Even better he could have installed a combi boiler – piece of piss that would … More JONNY CATAPAULT THE PLUMBER THE ARTIST’S ALL TRUST & RENE MAGRITTE’S INADEQUATE HOT WATER SUPPLY

THE SAD DEMISE OF JESSICA DOWNLOW – THE TREE HUGGING SUICIDAL POET

A Ribald Tale! Well there’s a thing! I had the very strangest dream…a dream in which I was at one with an oak tree I had hugged in a fit of angst apropos my previous 55 unsuccessful attempts to top myself once and for all.  It seemed so very, very real…the dream that is…I felt … More THE SAD DEMISE OF JESSICA DOWNLOW – THE TREE HUGGING SUICIDAL POET

JONNY CATAPAULT THE PLUMBER THE ARTISTS ALL TRUST & THE DISPOSABLE NAPPIES BLOCKING GUSTAV KLIMT’S TOILET

“How many kids did you say you’ve got Gustavio my friend?” “14 at last count Jonny…no maybe its 15 now…um…not sure if the truth be told.” “Well from the state of your blocked lavatory pan here I’d say they must have all shat at the same time.  In God’s truth I’ve never come across a … More JONNY CATAPAULT THE PLUMBER THE ARTISTS ALL TRUST & THE DISPOSABLE NAPPIES BLOCKING GUSTAV KLIMT’S TOILET

JONNY CATAPAULT THE PLUMBER THE ARTISTS ALL TRUST & LISA YUSKAVAGE’S SHOWER CUBICLE

“Never in all my born days have I seen such a blockage as that in a shower cubicle…….what a fucking (excuse me French) mess!  What young Lisa have you been doing in there? If I didn’t know better I’d hazard a guess you’ve been having custard pie fights.” “I did as it happens………have a custard … More JONNY CATAPAULT THE PLUMBER THE ARTISTS ALL TRUST & LISA YUSKAVAGE’S SHOWER CUBICLE