‘MY LOVE’S LIKE A…RED, RED NOSE’ AS RABBIE BURNS SUFFERS FROM ‘POETS BLOCK’

The year is 1794 and money worries have forced the young Rabbie Burns to take up work as a labourer at a farm near Mauchline in East Ayrshire, Scotland. Good fortune has smiled though for it is on this farm the he meets his first true love, young Nelly Kilpatrick.  As the pair wander together … More ‘MY LOVE’S LIKE A…RED, RED NOSE’ AS RABBIE BURNS SUFFERS FROM ‘POETS BLOCK’

THE LONGEST NIGHT

Spring 1920 Forgotten tribes and luminaries outwear handicaps, sadly he was neither fumbling as he was for buttercups and daises when he should have been placing evergreen wreaths upon the chastened graves of onetime comrades, yet now marking captured pity’s provocative conquests instead of marking time, the divine purple way beyond his reprieve, dreaming just … More THE LONGEST NIGHT

THE CUBAN’S MUSE

In an opium den in Kentish Town she was serving previously boiled River Wandle water ‘fresh’ from the jug into almost clean ceramic beakers. Such was the fervour she was all but in her birthday suit. Most punters paid her little heed though, lost as they were in both the purple haze and their private … More THE CUBAN’S MUSE

THE SAD DEMISE OF JESSICA DOWNLOW – THE TREE HUGGING SUICIDAL POET

A Ribald Tale! Well there’s a thing! I had the very strangest dream…a dream in which I was at one with an oak tree I had hugged in a fit of angst apropos my previous 55 unsuccessful attempts to top myself once and for all.  It seemed so very, very real…the dream that is…I felt … More THE SAD DEMISE OF JESSICA DOWNLOW – THE TREE HUGGING SUICIDAL POET

NAOMI WHOLEMEAL – USELESS RADICALIZED ECO WARRIOR & POET

Ever since my childhood I’ve had this overwhelming desire to protect our dying planet. Mother Nature cries out in pain each and every place I look yet does anyone really care? Do they fuck. Except me that is – I know I’m just a weak and feeble woman yet as I see it without the … More NAOMI WHOLEMEAL – USELESS RADICALIZED ECO WARRIOR & POET

‘THE OWL AND THE PUSSYCAT WENT TO………..A BAR IN CALAIS WHILST ON A DAY TRIP TO FRANCE AND GOT PISSED UP TO THE EXTENT THEY ENGAGED IN FISTICUFFS’ AS EDWARD LEAR SUFFERS FROM ‘POETS BLOCK’

It is the mid eighteen hundreds, the venue Southern Greece. The poet Edward Lear and his much younger travelling companion Franklin Lushington, a barrister by profession are sat atop a cliff staring out across the Mediterranean having a chat. You see Edward is gay, well if the truth be told he is closet gay for … More ‘THE OWL AND THE PUSSYCAT WENT TO………..A BAR IN CALAIS WHILST ON A DAY TRIP TO FRANCE AND GOT PISSED UP TO THE EXTENT THEY ENGAGED IN FISTICUFFS’ AS EDWARD LEAR SUFFERS FROM ‘POETS BLOCK’

“HOW DO I LOVE THEE? LET ME COUNT THE……….NUMBER OF SHAGS MY LOVE AND I HAVE MANAGED ON FRIDAY NIGHTS FOLLOWING A JOLLY GOOD PISS UP DOWN THE PUB” AS ELIZABETH BARRETT BROWNING GETS ‘POET’S BLOCK’

“Oh my giddy aunt I’m stuck!” “Pray how so Elizabeth you little sexy vixen of dark complexion?” “Well Robert my husband and the love of my life I think I need your assistance for I am somewhat bolloxed as to how to kick off this my 43rd sonnet celebrating yet again my feelings of love … More “HOW DO I LOVE THEE? LET ME COUNT THE……….NUMBER OF SHAGS MY LOVE AND I HAVE MANAGED ON FRIDAY NIGHTS FOLLOWING A JOLLY GOOD PISS UP DOWN THE PUB” AS ELIZABETH BARRETT BROWNING GETS ‘POET’S BLOCK’

“NO MAN IS AN…………..ACKNOWLEDGED POSSESSOR OF A 24 INCH FLACCID KNOB” AS JOHN DONNE SUFFERS POETS BLOCK

“Anne my darling wife, lover and mother of our 12 children I feel I am in need of your assistance. You see this holiday we have taken has inspired me to write poetry once more yet I am, if the truth be told, totally and utterly bolloxed as to how to finish off the first … More “NO MAN IS AN…………..ACKNOWLEDGED POSSESSOR OF A 24 INCH FLACCID KNOB” AS JOHN DONNE SUFFERS POETS BLOCK

THE MYSTERIOUS CASE OF JESSICA DOWNLOW THE SUICIDAL TREE HUGGING POET & PC ROBERT BOBBY aka ‘BOBBY BOB BOB’

JESSICA’S STORY: “I just knew it would turn out this way. There was me in the deepest part of the forest enacting my 55th suicide attempt by way of supergluing myself to a tree and becoming at one with it when lo and behold who should turn up but ‘Bobby Bob Bo’ our local policeman. … More THE MYSTERIOUS CASE OF JESSICA DOWNLOW THE SUICIDAL TREE HUGGING POET & PC ROBERT BOBBY aka ‘BOBBY BOB BOB’