Above, the one-eyed girl before the accident. Artist unknown. The one-eyed girl of almost fatal disasters had spent the entire morning wondering why blokes…for the main part…prefer revolvers and rifles over the humble hand-grenade. By lunchtime, she’d given up pondering, saying to herself, “What do I know,” for the time had come for scoffing yesterday’s … More HARRY AND HIS GIRLS
MAURICE COLLARUPPRIVATE INVESTIGATOR & PROCESS SERVERBACKLIT HOUSESHADOW LANESOHOLONDON Dearest Fanny, I think of you often. Even now with the passage of time your image stays with me…as fresh as a daisy in springtime. Do you remember when we took that camel train across The Sahara desert? Week upon week without shadow; the harsh unforgiving midday … More FANNY, I THINK OF YOU OFTEN
Judea AD28. JC has been out and about all morning and has now returned home for a spot of lunch only to find Mary sat down in her favourite chair playing with her iPad thing exactly as he left her earlier. The look upon his face reveals that JC is not happy about this in … More ON HOW MARY HAS MORE ‘FOLLOWERS’ ON FACEBOOK THAN JC
When valued time began: In the beginning belching volcanos were run of the mill, exceptionally large, boiling puddles dotted all over the place counted the days until their purpose revealed itself and, importantly, there was nought to kiss and cuddle. Perhaps worst of all, a comprehensive lack of consciousness for without it nothing existed. She … More THE GENISIS OF TWO SHORT PLANKS
As was her want, she patted the host of toothy-grinning, expectant young fillies on the bonce. Ruffling their flowing locks, she smiled, for the time had come for a little divine magic. From just one cotton candy stick and two lollipops, a supernatural phenomenon, as she handed out to each and every one of the … More ‘ANYTHING YOU CAN DO I CAN DO BETTER’
A Photo Salvador Dalí kindly took of Shirley & I at our favourite Parisian Café back in ’24 It is June 1924 in the magical period of the ‘Années folles’. We are in The City of Love. Paris by any other name. Moreover, we are young and devoted to one another. Overnight, spring has turned … More SCOTT FITZGERALD’S PENIS
Always I have hugged trees. Even as a small child I hugged them…all varieties mind…for there is nothing like communing with nature in my book. In point of fact nothing can match the feeling of bare skin on bark…the silver birch especially. My parents thought me most odd. Pater would often say to me, ‘Jessica, … More THE SAD DEMISE OF JESSICA DOWNLOW – THE TREE HUGGING SUICIDAL POET
“Crumbs Juniper there’s a God awful pong about the lounge this morning. I’m guessing you’ve been on the pulses once more, my love?” “Yes Denzel darling I did venture toward the curried red lentil savouries at Marigold’s little soirée in aid of the impoverished harvesters of the organically grown damsons of Cumbria last evening. Rather … More JUNIPER CHERRY-BLOSSOM – THE PULSE EATING VEGAN
GREAT LIVES: This Week, I Interview Danny Soz, Who Doesn’t Like To Mention His Book MIKE: So Danny, tell us a little about yourself DANNY: I’ve written a book MIKE: Yes, I meant tell us something about your personal history. The place you were born and grew up in, for example DANNY: I was born … More GREAT LIVES: THIS WEEK, DANNY SOZ
WARNING: This book may contain traces of nuts (not of the edible kind) and may also cause drowsiness amongst those unfamiliar with the English language. Bibliophobia sufferers may experience severe panic attacks. Additionally, it is strongly recommended that you do not drive whilst reading. INGREDIENTS: Lunacy, stupidity, silliness, idiocy, absurdity, aberration, eccentricity and fragments of … More THE ELASTIC SNAPPED
- MIKE STEEDEN - 