As to imparting ‘a little about myself’ for this Author Page it is probably for the best that such information remains left untold. Were I to continue there is a very real risk of the reader becoming consumed with the urgent desire to open a vein and end it all out of sheer tedium. All I will say is that aside from being a time-traveller…and frankly that’s not all it’s made out to be…and having shared a few beers with the likes of Joan of Arc, a lovely gal, although lacking that certain panache on the coiffure front, and the much maligned yet a decent sort when you get to know him, Vlad the Impaler, there is little of interest to divulge.

To my arguable credit, although not necessarily to the delight of others, I have an innate propensity to take things said to me ‘literally’, a thing that often leads to those others thinking me to be on the cusp of lunacy…a trait I believe that is reflected in my writings, whether it be that I am musing upon topics humorous or alternatively the surreal world of fabricated imaginings.

I work in a number of genres, be they poetry, prose, satirical musings or outright fiction of Bohemian bent.

Thus far I have, as this page reveals, ten self-published books. Two of poetry…although I prefer the tag, ‘almost poetry’…another pair in the form of ‘off the wall’ paradoxical skits and also a six risqué and certainly ‘adult’s only’ novels, including one that was co-authored with the lovely Shirley Blamey, entitled, ‘Whatever Happened to Eve?’

Given the ascendancy of an unforgiving world of human polar opposites giving rise to hatred of all conceivable configuration serves only to disappoint those of us endowed with more than just a hint of love, compassion and importantly whimsy, for the main part I chose to live the other side of Reality’s dark border in The Land of Fiction. Please feel free to join me there.

84 thoughts on “About

    1. After reading the delightful tales of a ‘Richmond boy’ with a hilarious mother, similarities with my own (in part a generation thing, perhaps?) I would appreciate a recommendation for my next read from your stable, Miss April maybe???
      All the very best to both you and S, would be lovely to hear from you.
      Graham Burwood

      1. My thanks, Graham. Much appreciated. Good to hear from you. In terms of books, I rather took a liking to The Outrageous Miss April Fool as I did with Mayday. Both were wild gals claiming the usual rules of society that us males normally take for granted. In its odd way both girls succeeded to balance humanity no matter what their sex was. I hope that helps and all the best to you and yours, Sir.

      2. Many thanks for the suggestion, I’ll give April a whirl, so to speak. (Obvs please don’t relay this to Shirl!) Made me titter when reading about the Seve & ‘Syd’ event, I witnessed it with my own eyes. Remember it well, t’was at Mannings Heath GC in 1987, just after I’d lost my driving licence. I still lose my licence relatively frequently, albeit for different reasons, Hopefully I’ll find me reading glasses by the time April arrives! Keep entertaining with your writing….

      3. ‘Reading glasses’, I know them well. Only yesterday a small child…a sweet little girl who lives ‘up the road’ stopped me in my tracks when she asked if I had two extra eyes. Baffled as I was it eventually hit me that the gal was referring to my readers hanging around my neck, resting upon my chest. Having said that, I told the girl that, “Yes, I do have extra eyes.” She didn’t linger. Whatever, I wish you well with April. I’d like to know what you think, Sir.

  1. I’ve read you for some time now. And nearly afraid to admit I barely understand, but you have some “purdy” words (said with Kentucky accent). However, I’m starting to grasp things.
    Groucho Marx once said the only poem that made sense to him was the one that starts, “Thirty days hath September.”
    A friend of mine often says,
    Roses are red
    Violets are Blue
    Some poems rhyme
    And others don’t

    1. Cheers, Sir. I am cursed with a wandering mind. The missus is on my case all the time! And as my old dad used to tell me, ‘You don’t half write a load of old bollocks, son’. I’m guessing he was probably onto something when he said that!

  2. One of the most interesting “about”s I have ever read – intriguing, actually. Love the photo at the top of your sidebar. It seems you did NOT pick up your mother’s fear of germs – a miracle in itself.
    (Madelyn Griffith-Haynie – ADDandSoMuchMORE dot com)
    ADD/EFD Coach Training Field founder; ADD Coaching co-founder
    “It takes a village to transform a world!”

    1. The photo, taken beside the Loire river two years ago is close to my heart, as is my wife (who knows more things than I’ll ever know), save for accepting the fact she cured me of phobias such as mother’s germ one. As an example, my parents were very poor yet I had a silver set of cutlery all to myself, washed and disinfected aside the rest, thus fulfilling her quest for my own from other immortality. Also, when growing up she never once kissed or touched in case she passed on her germs to me…a weird thing I got used to.

      1. Wow. I can’t imagine never being touched growing up. My own mother was a bit “touch shy” – super sensitive to it and easily overwhelmed, I now believe – but she was physically loving when she initiated the kisses, hugs, etc.

        Your comment gives new meaning to “born with a silver spoon” lol

      2. When a child lives in a state of physical isolation the child remains at the self-same centre of his/her own universe as was the case at birth. Of course, as I grew up I got a rude awakening! Hindsight, by the way is a thing I enjoy. Thanks for inspiring a little reflective thought…I appreciate that.

      3. I had to check Jimmy Buffet on Google. He seems an accomplished chap. You know, I think there is so much material to be had looking back at disasters and/or failures in ones own life. That way I treat self-deprecation as a virtue…if I didn’t I’d have likely topped myself long ago.

      4. Buffet is often referenced for the song with the lyric, “”If we couldn’t laugh, we would all go insane” — on his Changes in Latitudes Changes in Attitudes album. Search for it on YouTube if you want to hear it. Catchy little tune.

  3. Hello Mike, Thanks for following my blog, I’ll go check your out. I enjoyed your ‘life’ story. It reminded me of a student I had back in the 70s whom we all thought pretty thick. However he went to Uni around the time word processors came into use. Today he has two doctorates and is doing well for himself. Glad you didn’t let that teacher ruin your life.

    1. Cheers, Sir. I think back in the day dyslexic was an unheared of thing. Seeing my youngest make the same spelling mistakes as I did, then struggle with reading as I did before getting diagnosed and going on the get a 1st class degree at uni tells me he got his dyslexia via my bloodline! Poor sod. Such is life.

  4. Hi Mike, I know you’ve followed my blog for a long time, and I can’t believe I haven’t been over here. I just want to say “thanks” and I’m going to peruse your world now, and maybe catch up a little. Thanks again for all your “likes!”

  5. Welcome to my blog, Mike! (I observe we have a few common friends as well)
    At my blog you’ll find neraly 7 000 ‘full screen pictures’ from Norway. Please enjoy, and thanks for the ‘follow’!

    1. I am indeed looking forward to your blog Sir. I shall mention you to my musician son who also blogs on WP. He sometimes writes music that fits Scandanavian themes. Best of good fortune.

  6. Ah, Mike:

    Such a maniac, so opinionated, and such a writer. British to a fault….I love that, being born in N. Ireland, I hold my tongue too much here in the States.

    “Gentlemen Prefer A Pulse?” Brilliant.

    I could not find a better way to send this thank you note, for that I apologize.

    I want to thank you for your support of “Cracked Window,” yes I am crazy, yes I am Irish, and yes, I spew, and cannot stop.

    I have never cared if anyone even understands what i try to say, but it gives me a giggle when they seem to.

    Simply: Mike, thank you, nothing more, just thank you. I appreciate your support of a mental Irshman 🙃


    1. Your sentence, ‘I have never cared if anyone even understands what i try to say’ stands proud in the list of worthy ones. I concur Stephen. Best of good fortune Sir.

  7. Mike, this is one of the most unusual and open about pages I’ve read. Fascinating and wow, what a route to writing. As a huge fan of PI programmes as young I’m intrigued by your time as one…sounds like you have a lot of tales from that era! Good luck with your words and wishing you a most creative year! 😀😀

    1. My thanks, Annika. It looks as if you are on a major creative roll, and from reading your hamster interview, it also looks as if success is given. I shall enjoy following your blog.

  8. It’s true. You woke up and found yourself in Uncle Bardie Country. Now that you have followed Uncle Bardie, you may find yourself at that fork in the road that you have to take. With Uncle Bardie for a guide, you can be comforted that you may stub your toe on a pun, find you can’t resist laughing at those things you never thought funny, and wake up to wonder what Uncle Bardie is up to. It’s okay. That itch can be scratched. Simply tune in to the next Post, It could very well be a doozy or not. Either way it will be coming from the whacky mind of Uncle Bardie. So thanks for following Uncle Bardie’s Stories & Such. It beats bananas any day. Unless…but that’s a whole ‘nother thang. And one last thing. Have a great day (or night, depending on your perspective).

    1. Uncle Brdie seems to have got it sorted. Philosopher or regular gem Bardie seems to hold the secret. As a miserable old sod, this night will be the night I never expected. Such is life. Enjoy your day or night…whichever comes first ~ Mike

    1. My apologies Peter. It must look so bloody rude of me for not res;ponding earlier. Thanks for your visit. I believe, at last, my brain is sending out signals the knackered eye can read. It been 16 months since this old fool fell and created this nuisance but ’tis surprising what the mind can do when it needs to. I’m glad I’m not forgotten. Man U let me down against Spurs a few weeks back. My cagey wager was not so cagey on the day! Best of good fortune, Regards, Mike

  9. Hi, Mike, –
    You registered as a ‘follower’ to SeeNorway back in November 2017 quickly rising to our ‘brown team’ having responded 33 times! However, since July 20th 2018 we haven’t heard nor seen anything of your profile? That would, of course, be quite OK if we hadn’t published anything for you to see, but the fact is that we have published no less than 105 new posts since then? And as you are still figuring on our list of follwers, we were wondering if you’re still regarding yourself to be a ‘follower’? You should have been receiving 105 ‘alerts’ . . .?
    Or should we just remove you from the list?

    1. As I have intimated in previous post I have experienced irksome visual problems giving rise to my temporary (hopefully) absence from my blog – it is there to be read in my posts by my followers. As to what you wish to do all I can say is that the choice is yours. Regards, Mike

      1. It sounds that you are not perticularly intrested in our pictures? More perhaps marketing your blog? And this is why I ask, because you were present before, but seemingly not any more?
        Anyway, you’re not barred in any way, but I don’t think we’ll bother sending alerts if they are of no interest to you! That’s aall I wanted to know. Cheers!

      2. Aw, I rfecognize that situation very well, Mike.
        I’ve turned the size of letters up a notch or two on my computer several months ago. It has made things a bit easier! Why don’t you try that?

    1. Cheers Peter. I’m as good as I can get. I’ve even finished a ridiculously long book the wife will no doubt prune when proofing it! I believe I shall post something shortly. I imagine you’re rather pleased with the news from Manchester? For my part I’m hoping against hope you end up with Pochettino, Kane and Ali thus ruining the Spuds. Have a fine Christmas.

  10. All those experiences you describe explains your out-of-the-boxness in your thinking and the freshness of it shines through in all your writing, Mike. P.S. I could never spell which. I always spelled it witch when I needed to spell it which and vice versa. I have an incredibly huge dumb streak in math as well.

  11. Hi Mike, thanks for the “like” great to see you are still publishing. I don’t come this way much anymore, spend my time Twitterising mostly. All the best, hope as you get older you don’t get sane!

    1. Very civilized, Sir. ‘Tis a strange old world. There are those who journey and claim, born of rampant ego, an excellence in all things the touch. Then there are the rest of us…the honest freethinkers…who prefer ‘any which way’ reaction over sugary plaudits. I sit within the latter. Regards, The Old Fool

      1. You are rightfully doing so. Better be faithful to who you are than someone else’s opinion. Thanks for sharing your writing anyway, it’s most entertaining.

    1. Again I must thanks you, Katherine. So sorry I’m late in replying. My eyes are more or less functional once more, sadly…to me…I’ve been cursed with an odd IBS these past 18 moths. Stress related. I’ve never got over this racist nation I’m stuck within that is Brexit defined. They, the ‘we don’t want them here’ brigade, all of them a mixture of in denial racists, the closet ones as well as the ‘in your face; versions have stolen my EU citizenship. Apologies for my mini rant. Have a splendid weekend and beyond, Thanks once more for your kindness. Regards, Mike

      1. I ‘ve been sat here finishing your book.I entirely understand about Brexit.If my husband were here, he’d have gone crazy.I hope the sun shines for us in our respective homes this weekend and we can feel more relaxed.Not eas since the Referendum.I’m a mixture of Celtic and Viking so hate those who want to be just “English”,My best,Kathryn

      2. You are quite right regarding Brexit. Living here in Dover, we are so close to France and beyond. Not that long ago we’d do a monthly shop across La Manche be it by tunnel or ship and during the year take 2 sometimes 3 holidays over there. Corona or not, ‘tis never going to be the same. We’ll be in it, not part of it. That’s my selfish take on it, yet more importantly are the lessons of history. Western Europe for eons has felt compelled to fight a war every decade…more or less. Since the EU came into being all that fighting came to a halt. Should the EU ever break up then I dread the future. ‘Celtic and Viking’ a fine mix. My wife is a Dartmothian and has similar DNA. Presently I’m finding it hard to ‘buy British’ especially so, ‘English’. Thus far I’ve only applied to big stores that supported ‘leave’. God how annoying Brexit has been. Have a splendid weekend.

      3. We spent some holidays in Deal and loved walking on the cliffs by St Margarets Bay,We did it before the Tunnell.Frustrating to live in Dover now but worse,,,,, Europeans arre very war-like.I dread what madness may arrrie
        Meanwhile say hello to the wild flowers in the grassy cliffs.We also went to Cape,le Ferne where a woman was telling a blind man all the flowers in the Cafe Garden.I can see it now.
        Happy Weekend

      4. Mein gott…or should I say mon dieu? I can never decide. What a coincidence all round. When Shirl and I had left Dartmouth we settled in Deal. Five years there if I recall it correctly. I liked the place yet, not unlike Dartmouth, so many properties in and around the seafront are owned by the wealthy souls from the English shires. That meant too many empty properties come winter. A mini ghost town. Hence Dover had appeal. The town centre a tad ‘rough’, understandable in many respect as Hitler bombed it flat, yet all about it, the Western Height, the Harbour, the Castle, the forests just on the road and Canterbury not far away.
        As to Capel le Ferne, Shirl’s first lover from before the old King died has just moved there. His wife of 4 decades had died. A fine chap, he found himself living in the middle of nowhere in South-eastern France alone where they’d been for yonks. We suggested Capel le Ferne where he now lives, directly opposite the café you mention. As to St Margaret’s Bay we are there regularly. There’s so much history to absorb there, plus the walk down to the beach reminds us of the Dart Estuary in many ways should she ever get home sick.
        I do rather like, ‘coincidences’.

      5. How amasing.I can harfly believe it.Nobody else I know has been to Deal.I think we rented a house from a wealthy person and hired bikes so we could ride down the front to where the cliffs begin..
        I hope Shirl;s friend was happy.When we were there the sea was teal coloured.I still remember the flowers and the blind man and the railway line by the beach

      6. I do hope the blind man didn’t get too close to the cliff edge. Also I recall that Ted, on his first day back in the UK took the winding walk down from the cafe to that railway line overlooking that fact he had to climb back up. He genuinely thought he’d die, moreso on the basis that not just the steepness, but the thunderstorm that kicked in. Luckily he made it.

      7. Eyes are annoying things when not working as they should. I feel for you. At my worst days with eye problems I wrote a book about a chap who’d lost his eyesight completely, along with his hearing and speech and how his wife tried her level best to care for him. An odd experience, yet worth the effort. Regards, The Old Fool.

      8. Thanks for that,Mike.I’d like to read your book.I suppose one gradually forgets what it was like to see prroperly but I must remain very careful not to fall over..I has a nice evening last night because I lay on the sofa and carried on with yout autbiog.I felt better than I have done though some of your life has been very sad.I am glad your eyes are a bit better.Have a good weekend if possible,Katherine

      9. The book I spoke of was that of my first stab at fiction. I’d been writing only poetry prior to that. To this day I make no claims of its ‘goodness’…I hate it when writers take the pompous route, when in reallity all we’re doing is trying our best. All I recall was the pleasure I got writing it. That said I think I’ve a couple of mint copies. In the light of your support re the current book, if you are comfortable with it, send me an address of your choice and I shall post one in your direction. ‘Tis called ‘Notoriously Naked Flames’. Regards, Mike aka The Old Fool

  12. The cafe was small but had a flower garden where he sat while a young woman descriced what she coull see.I was very moved and still can see i it in my mind
    We didn’t even start to go dwn the cliff

    1. Methinks you have a poem there. Already I can see the scene. It’s begging for your words. I hope you don’t mind me saying that. If so my apologies.

      1. The fact it has stuck in my mind for many years
        probably suggests it is an important memory and the love ^ care was impressive.I can still see those fkiwers.Thanks very much,Mike.I like to know what you think,Katherine

  13. Hi Mike. We’ve enjoyed each others poems on our blogs from time to time, and I wonder if you’d consider doing an honest review of my new book of poems, “Schematics and Assemblies of the Cosmic Heart.” I’d be happy to send you a free paperback or ecopy. And you don’t really have to do the review. “Considering” it is good enough 🙂 I mainly just want to get it into the hands of people who might enjoy it 🙂 . Gary, aka Daedalus Lex at shakemyheadhollow.com, drggautier@gmail.com.

    1. Sorry to take so long getting back to you…I suffer from IBS and it’s been rather fierce and most unpleasent these last few day. I am able to fufill your quest yet not immediately. Health and finishing of my new book ‘Mayday’ are in the way. So then, if you can wait a little all will be good. Thanks for thinking of me, Sir. Regards, The Old Fool

  14. With this verse I was sure the ending would have been messier…
    ” I smiled
    and asked
    if we could play a game.
    It smiled back
    and replied
    that it was already playing a game.”

    Glad to see it wasn’t:) Fun reading!

  15. You are a Bodhisattva, Mike. A self-deprecatory style is a virtue we share, something that distinguishes us from the self-centered crave-oriented folk in our midst, those who constantly “refresh” their minds by glancing at hand-held oracles; machines, time-thieves that suck brains dry one cell at a time. This is what they actually are, of course. The prime directive dictated by INGSOC pulses: Get away with as much as you possibly can. Get away with as much as you possibly can. Get away with as much as you possibly can. Get away with as much as you possibly can…

    1. As the late Leonard Cohen‘ put it, ‘I told you I was curious, I never said that I was brave’. Enthusiastic business men and women (mainly the males of the species) are my curse.

      1. Leonard Cohen is a font of wonders.
        I worked nine years at Procter & Gamble. Their World Headquarters is less than ten miles from Crowell Manor (our bungalow). Enthusiastic business men and men-morphed women scuttled like cockroaches. Too Kafkaesque for an autistic-spectrummed programmer such as my kind self. Belly of the beast, as it were. HA!

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