Svetlana is my beguiling young housemaid
she looks after my every need
well perhaps I should just say ‘almost’
for not on everything have we agreed
You see whilst I am old and wrinkled
certain ‘urges’ I still have about me
yet when I have tried to seduce her
she simply adds a little something to my tea
True it dampens my ardour
yet when I wake up the very next day
those ‘urges’ come back to haunt me
Yet Svetlana still keeps me at bay
And so I sit in the dim gloom of a lit candle
to the spits and crackles of an open log fire
while Svetlana tends to my ablutions
I watch her still consumed by desire
in my old fez hat and with ear trumpet
a glass of port that never runs dry
this old mansion is not such a bad place
seen through a monocle about my weak eye
And then of course there’s my woollen blanket
at my age I get so very cold
if only Svetlana would warm my four poster
I’m guessing I would not feel quite so old
Personally I can’t see the problem
so I’m ninety six and she’s just eighteen?
with a mere modicum of encouragement
I’d be the King to her Queen
Still nighttime has once more descended
by moonlight we will go on to the moor
Svetlana has readied my bath chair
which I sit in as we exit the door
For this night I have something to show her
something I think most spectacular!
Svetlana will get more than she bargains
when I tell her I’m Count Dracula!
THE ABOVE IS ONE OF THE SILLIER POEMS FROM MY BOOK ‘GENTLEMEN PREFER A PULSE’ – available on both Amazon & Kindle
- MIKE STEEDEN - 
Now, now, no need to lie to the girl. I hardly think it will make you any more attractive to her.
I regularly leave my bank statement’s about the place though!
Well, while that is a powerful aphrodisiac you must remember that it often takes a bit more than that to, well, stir the pot.
As Svetlana often reminds me…so unfair I pay her a fine salary…where’s the fairness in life?
It’s hard to pity you.
So long as those are your real teeth! Still smiling over this Halloween treat!
Don’t talk to me about teeth…that recent fall down a flight of stairs at 4AM when I passed out cost me dear in that regard…I know already the dental bill for the remedy will be significant…he said with more than a hint of a lisp!
Ah! I didn’t know about that, I’m so sorry! What’s a little Lisp among friends. Just adds to your charm I’m sure !
Crikey I thought I had bored the blogging community rigid with tales of my fall – I do tend to make the most of it on occasions such as this (thankfully rare)…well I’ve bored the rest, may as well bore you (if you don’t mind that is!)! https://mikesteeden.wordpress.com/2015/08/25/a-few-lazy-nights-in-a-brothel-a-true-tale-3/
I von’t ask vot you have and vy you theenk you are Count Dracoola x
Being ancient as I am I remain surprised that Svetlana has yet to pay heed to the fact my false teeth were fashioned in Transylvania! She does, after all put them in for me prior to breakfast each morn!
Ah….. seeecrets ve all have them
enjoyed reading this in your book – and it was even better the second time here – life and love should be so much easier for a vampire
Very true!
The gift of eternal life – ah, yes! Why’d you have to be Count Dracula at 96? Why can’t you be one at 19??
Plainly young M Winter you’ve not spent time in Transylvania!
Great night cap! Sweet Dreams Drac! xo>
Sweet Dreams! Over indulged on the vampire bit in the early hours…17 pints of fresh blood and now this…indigestion…never slept a wink!
Ah, a night without spider (widow) bites …
An angry mob approaches!
Haha! Bring it on.
Nice story/poem with a bite at the end.
Fine riposte!
Dracula, eh? I knew I could count on you.
Go on, give us a smile!