ERIC THE CROCODILE’S POTENTIAL

In answer to your question

No I haven’t killed your cat

Your dog or your reptiles

Nor your stupid bloody bat

 

Admittedly I frowned at them

Just the other day

For when you let them out to frolic

They do quite often stray

 

Here into my garden

Which is my pride and joy

Those little bastards that you own

Cunning tactics they deploy

 

The cat shits on my fresh mowed lawn

The dog digs down to Hades

Your reptiles scoff the butterflies

And the bat carries the rabies

 

So if you’d be so kind

To keep your menagerie off my patch

Thus ensuring the health and safety

Of your ‘pets’ yet here’s the catch

 

Ignore my request at your peril

For in my cellar I keep a crocodile

And if I let Eric – that’s his name – loose

He will soon wipe off the smile

 

From that ugly face of yours

You self-centred, ignorant twat

For Eric when the mood takes him

Will eat your dog, your bat and cat

 

As to the bloody reptiles

I’ll take care of them myself

I’ll chop off their heads with a carving knife

Mount them on the kitchen shelf

 

So I trust you’ve got the message

And you’ll keep your pets away

Thus avoiding the necessity

Of me committing an act foul play